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I sit here now, and the darkness is gone, my walking time has come. I look down and see my pj pants and i will never forget.
I keep them, because they are comfortable, and I like them, but I will never forget that night. Not just because of the pajamas. of course. But looking down at them, and seeing Eeyores sad face as he turns around to look at me, I remember.
I remember what they did to me.
These are the pj pants I wore that night. As we were removed from the bed, as his family came over and i was 1 to 4, as I spoke with his BIL, and as his mother got in my face, as i had to run down the street in my bare feet in the dark. As the police told me dont i want to change my shoes, slippers at that final time.
there was Eeyore, with me all the time. And still, here he is now. I will never forget. Ever.
Good morning Robyn, glad you are going to look at the house today. It will be a good experience for you. Just remember this is a good thing, don't think of it as I "have to do this", more like, "I want to do this". You will enjoy it and you will look around and think, Oh I could put that there and Oh look at this, oooo I like the bathroom. Or it could be a dump but you will be safe and the kids will be with you and life will be beautiful all around... I sound like a stupid song or something...
Good luck today
I walked, but today, it was different. I kept my pace, not hastened, not slow, but steady. I came to the sign that said TRAIL. I see it everyday. I have been in there once or twice.
Today, I felt the NEED to go in there, and I did. I walked the trail, busting through the spider webs that were made in the night, busting through my shell.
I came upon a regular black and orange turtle. My music playing, only to me, outloud I said,"Oh, a turtle." He was beautiful. He was not the regular black and orange turtle. He had way too much orange on him. He was different , he was beautiful. He was just a little afraid of me. His head was not all the way in the shell, he wanted to see who was coming around the corner, what was coming ahead.
Just like me. I am breaking through the webs of life, I am beautiful, like I have never known myself to be. He was just a little afraid, yet still curioous enough to peek his head out, like me, but I have gotten just a little past that point, I think.
Finally I got out of the trail, past all of the spiders and their webs, saying my goodbyes to the beautiful turtle. I wanted to pick him up. I suppose if i were a child, I would have. I have always loved the nature. I let him be, I let him do his thing.
OUt of the trail and down the wet grassy path to get to the track. I see the river. It moves. It is not choppy, but it moves faster than i have ever seen it, it moves in the same direction in which I am moving. It moves ahead of me as I walk, and the breeze towards me.
I look above me, into the sky at a group of birds. They are trying to get into their uniform v. It takes them a while, but they try try try.
They dont seem to get down over it. They just seem to do different maeuvers to get to what they need to do. They line up, they double up, they are from left to right, but finally, the uniform v. They have done it.
All of their efforts paid off. They were beautiful in flight. Almost more beautiful trying to achieve their v, than once they have achieved it.
Maybe because right now, I am trying to achieve my v. But, they did it with such pride, such essence. They knew what they had to do for their perfect v, and they did it. They flew awy, until no longer could I see them.
I kept on with my walk, still just taking things in. Once you pass the river, there are what seems to be wetlands and tall grasses down the way, it even looks beautiful to me today.
We had horrible storms last night, and yesterday evening. The pond up the way was anew, with all of the scum washed away. The trees shiny. The grass greener.
I walked about 4 miles today, and that is all I will walk on this Saturday, not my normal 5-9. Lindsay and I will have our girls day, As I pulled in the drive, Jim and Alexander were standing in it, getting ready to leave.
I hugged and kissed my son three times. had him get his library books for me to turn in for him. There were at least....17. Thick, heavy books. Whew. I said put them in the back seat!
My walks, they have such meaning to me. Sometimes, I get a bad sense during them, and I can't figure out what it is. Maybe not until two or three days later.
Good morning Robyn, glad you are going to look at the house today. It will be a good experience for you. Just remember this is a good thing, don't think of it as I "have to do this", more like, "I want to do this". You will enjoy it and you will look around and think, Oh I could put that there and Oh look at this, oooo I like the bathroom. Or it could be a dump but you will be safe and the kids will be with you and life will be beautiful all around... I sound like a stupid song or something...
Good luck today
I do want to do this....but also, I do have to do this... The house is currently occupied, and this may just be a starting point, it may just be what it is, i don't know. but it is my first step at this part of my journey.
He saw the serpentine belts in my car and said something to me about it last night. he asked if they were the belts i needed to have my car fixed, and i said yes. he grilled me on, are you getting this, did you get this, blah blah..
I said I am taking care of it. I said I have someone who is fixing everything for me.
Who? I told him who, took him a min to realize who it was.
Then he comes out w , oh B has a friend that could do it but he lives in Rocky Mount NC, and I wouldn't trust that car to go there.
The person who will work on my car said there is no way he could have visualized the belts, unless he was under the car, and he wasn't, and when he did say he saw them, it was the night he was jumping my car, and it was night, and dark.
I think it burns his butt that i am doing things for myself.
Ahhh, good! Jim is going north. He will have the responsibility of Alexander. Lindsay is with you. That sounds better.
Yep. Those duck are in a row again.
Good luck with your search. Just turn around now and then and take a look at your ducks. They will become larger, stronger, and more resolute as the days go by.
I am trying to print out the pages of my story and store them somewhere other than my home. I put a new ink cartridge in, and it says that it is aligned, but it is not, and is cutting off the right edge of the CD, by a half inch. Sometimes a full word or three, if they are small...eeeek
i have trouble shot, everything. Dont know why this is happening! uuurrggg
Hi Robyn,
I'm glad to hear things are moving forward. I believe it's a good thing that J doesn't know the exact location of the house (for now anyway). Thank God that there are good people around such as the gentleman that is willing to fix your car - I'm sure that it burns somebody's butt that you are getting things done for yourself.
Take advantage of today if it's only to soak up the time that you have with yourself and your daughter. And I'm with rockky about the whole ducks thing.
Cheers
ROBYN, prayers and thoughts go with you today.
I agree with Terry, in that you should take a good look at what's being offered...it's where you might be starting over and experiencing peace and harmony for the first time in a long time. If this house doesn't fit the bill, pick up a paper for the area and read the local real estate pages ~ you'll know if it's right for you.
I'm so mistrusting of Jim, I feel he took Alexander on purpose...
Posters: I'm still hoping someone has some productive ideas for when Robyn leaves with the kids and meets Jim's bullying resistance...but that's for another day.
Robyn, if you don't take your computer with you when you move, I will print out the Thread and send it to you. Not to worry.
Travel safely Robyn and Lindsey, knowing we're all thinking of you. MsV
You are moving in the right direction now. Don't look back, take one day at a time, and keep doing what needs to be done. Try to enjoy the process and your kids as much as possible. As you get more and more independent he will get angry/jealous/reactive because you don't need him any more. Give him as little information as possible - don't elaborate on anything. Tell him the basics only. Knowledge is power - don't give him any. My thoughts are with you and I know you can do this. You now have the strength!
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The Uniform 'V'
The house is currently occupied, and this may just be a starting point, it may just be what it is, i don't know. but it is my first step at this part of my journey. 
