Where is the love? (Mobile, Oklahoma, how to, girl)
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Right now, sadly, for some reason, I think of him. I think maybe a post above made me think of it.
His fake reality will come crushing around him. His world is not real.
My world, in its reality, has been hard, and sad enough...but his world, in its...non realistic state.
I guess it was like me for all of those years, but then I think not really, because for all of those years, that is what i knew to be normal.
He has been approached with all of this several times, it has been out in the open with our children, we have explained to them what was going on, and of course, it is not their fault. It was all told to the therapist, yet still.
Even still, he lives in a make believe world, where everything is fine. Everything is made up. Like the Stepford wives or something, I dont know.
Like all is well in the House of BROKEN chimes.
But it isn't, and he isn't well. Will this snap him out of it? Unlikely. Right now, I notice how my face is. We know when we smile, around our eyes wrinkle and our mouths move, in their smile, from one edge to the other, or maybe even a slight grin.
Right now, my eyebrows and forehead are wrinkled. With anger and concern at the same time. That is strange, to me. I guess it is the caring heart the Lord has placed within me.
I think of everyone, before myself, but this will not take me back. The Lord has shown me the way in that. I still feel that look on my face though.
I am taking some time, for the last three days of the month to just figure every single thing out. Time off of work. I have a kazillion vacation days, but I am always at work.
Office mgr is on to me to use them, but I never do, says something about they dont roll over.
I am just going to take time, to get all of this into perspective, I will be getting ready to move. I will get that lease signed on the 31st, get paid that day and pay my 1st month.
On the 30th, I will go to the intake meeting at court and get the ball rolling for custody, it is the first step, and I know he has not done it, because I know it cannot be done unless you live separately.
The 29th? Shoot. Who knows. I may just go to the park and play, and right down everyhting I need to write down. Budget. See everything I need to cut out to make it. My internet is 9.95. I can swing that.
hear talk of letting my friend A rent from me. I dont think I can. She is to dependant on a man..me, one to talk, after all of these years.
I cannot let her bring him into this house. Cant have the burden and worry on my shoulders, and being ms nice robyn, have to throw her out, then where is she gonna go.
I am gonna do this thing. If I didn't think I could, I wouldn't try. I would stick it out here, until something else came along, but nothing like this will, I know that.
I have so many supporters. here on CD, and in real life, like at work. It can be done. It will be done. I tryuly believe it is the Lords will. i have been praying for his will, from the beginning of this thread. His will has come.
Is it me, or are you getting sleepy?I fell asleep on the couch tonight with all the lights and tv balring. jim was being aggrevating, knowing i was tired and that i wasn;t gonna go lay in our room after last night...ugh. He had some stupid Elvis movie on. Wasn't even watching it, so beat down from work all day and then hack sawing off all those screws.. DER. Didn't bother me a bit, I just roled over and went to bed, thinking of Suns post.
I tried to wrap myself around it, but couldn't, so i drifted, and drifted, until slep became me, and Mollie was my snugglie little kittie.
She is waiting, even still for me to go back over there. LOL.
jim has told me that if I move i can take her, but not the kids or Lucy cat. he is so demented. I am still out of coffee.
Also.... I do expect everyone who participated in this thread at the Robynpalooza to sign consent forms for the book. It is already titled, and i will give you all thanks in it.
Robyn,
I think that it's wise to not take in someone that could possibly bring more stress into the situation (A with her boyfriend). Ultimately it would be good to have another sharing in the rent and also for security but like you said, it appears as though she has too much baggage.
Jim really is demented, trying to tell you what you can take and not take. Well, he's about to get a rude awakening shortly. I'm counting the days until you are out from under his oppressive thumb.
And I will gladly sign any consent forms for the book!
robyn he may not have to go to the dmv with you, all he may have to do is sign the title over to you and you can take it down turn in the old tags and get new ones.
Thats what I did when we sold a car to someone just took off the tags and signed the title over.
here is another "get a clue" for jim it I did it right it is suppose to say "the clue phone is ringing"
Robyn,
I think that it's wise to not take in someone that could possibly bring more stress into the situation (A with her boyfriend). Ultimately it would be good to have another sharing in the rent and also for security but like you said, it appears as though she has too much baggage.
Jim really is demented, trying to tell you what you can take and not take. Well, he's about to get a rude awakening shortly. I'm counting the days until you are out from under his oppressive thumb.
And I will gladly sign any consent forms for the book!
I am in full agreement. As much as I love her, she is not stable right now, and I so hate to say that. She is a mess. I love her to pieces, would do anything for her, she is the same towards me.
On the flip, I can do NOTHING to jeopardize my situation.
robyn he may not have to go to the dmv with you, all he may have to do is sign the title over to you and you can take it down turn in the old tags and get new ones.
Thats what I did when we sold a car to someone just took off the tags and signed the title over.
here is another "get a clue" for jim it I did it right it is suppose to say "the clue phone is ringing"
Hey Karla, every once in a while, he has a knack for throwing my things out. Clothes, mail, books, things of my parents.
The title was thrown out, I do believe. It is nowhere. NOWHERE. This, too, he blames me for. He made me move the computer hutch to a different location about 4 mos ago and I had to take a bunch of things out, one of the things was the title, and put it in a basket, some books, and other things were in it, and he trashed it. Gone.
We have to go. But, he thinks I am going to have to pay another registration fee, he just paid that last month for a year, DER I wont have to pay it til next july. Dumb A$$
Today I walked three miles, up from my only one of yesterday. I got out of my car and thought of how cold it seemed to be, and it was.
I looked at the sky, it was evidently all so clear. The sky, that is. The trees all looked the same, everything was still. Not a movement. I could hear the birds chirping.
I started my walk. Very cold I thought. I thought thank God there is no breeze.
Bam! A breeze. I could only laugh. I had goosebumps it was so cold out there. I thought, well, when it is so very hot, the Lord provides me with a breeze, maybe he is telling me that sometimes, i am going to be cold.
I analyze. I don't think I overanalyze, but I do analyze.
I walked past the river, and it was still, just as calm as the sky. I thought that was nice. it gave me a nice feeling.
I looked down at my ring finger. The left hand. No rings. Not since July 21,07. That was the day it was so very truly over, with no going back, at all.
the night before, when they did such the terribile thing.
With my RA, normally my joints are puffy, and my rings would have a hard time coming off, but they did not, they had actually been jiggling, as if to want to come off. For a while, there were the markings of my having worn and never removed rings from that finger, my wedding ring, engagement ring, and anniversary band.
Now, it looks as though there was nothig ever there. The rings float around in the zippered section of my little Tinkerbell purse. When I got to maryland that morning, to my sisters house, I took them off.
Back to the cold. I feel it was there to tell me something. because today is supposed to be hotter than yesterday. There is a fireman who got there before me, he often does, driving a white Ford Explorer. He runs.
Today was a happy walk, a thoughtful walk. Nature was not much on my mind today. I thought about myself and the kids today, and our future of happiness. I smiled. I came around the corner by the golf course singing all out load a maroon 5 song..LOL Almost screaming it, I had no idea he was approaching, and he came around,,,stomp stomp stomp.... I was cracking up laughing by that time.
I was not using my 'good' singing voice, and who cares anyway?!?! But i thought it was really funny, and continued to smile way after his run took him to the river.
Once I got near the river, the sun was coming up from the hiding place behind the tall, tall trees, sharing its warmth. Immediately the cold left from my body. The bright orange sun. The warmth felt good, I kept on my journey.
I looked at the river and creed played, with arms wide open. The first time I ever heard this song, it brought tears to my eyes. A man that knew he needed to change, for the sake of his unborn child, hoping that he would never be like him. Hoping he would understand, and take the world with arms wide open.
Normally, when this song plays, I go ahead and skip it, because it makes me think of Jim, and how he never tried to change for us. I couldn't change him. But today I listened to the lyrics as I passed the river. I said in my mind, it doesn't matter anymore.
My arms are wide open forever, to my children. He never changed, and we will move on. We will move on to wonderful things, maybe a struggle at first, but it cannot be worse than the life we are living here, now.
My walk came to an end, and I was on a search for coffee.
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The hot and cold of it.
