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I think he (and even if he was a she) is being unreasonable because a) you're not working that late into the evening and b) you come home and do all the normal household stuff with him.
My question is what does he do that allows him the free time to constantly be calling you?
We're actually both in the IT sector. His work environment though is much less demanding. It's a slower paced atmosphere whereas mine is much more fast paced. So he has time to call and email that much. He has time to check personal email and surf on the net. I barely have time to breathe.
it's impressive that you are able to work so hard and keep house, cook, clean, etc.... He *should* be appreciate of that. Ideally.
i think space is important in relationships... how about encouraging him to cultivate his own interests, take up a hobby, go hang out with his friends more?
if you make it home by 6:30 and spend the evening with him, to me - that sounds like a substantial amount of time. you dont have to be glued to each other, you know.
I agree, I feel like we spend a lot of time together. I don't think it's enough for him.
He has interests/hobbies (way more than me actually) but he still bothers me. He gardens, computer stuff, handy around the house, etc. But...not enough I guess...
That's not even long. You had been working 15 hour days...what did your husband think of that?
Your current hours have to be an improvement over the 15 hour day.
He hated it when I was working 15 hour days. He was always upset and pissed. He fought with me a lot. I would come home and he'd be mad.
The other adjustment was I was working from home for the past 2 and half years. This new project requires me to go into the office.
A part of it makes me wonder if he was upset because I was happy.
As I fell into a new project that is in my opinion awesome. The long hours are tough, but what I am doing is really kool.
I'm sorry, your husband sounds like a clingy, insecure, and controlling type. He probably is scared that your job will take off and you will surpass him in income. If he gets off at 5pm, a 1.5 hr wait isn't much. If he cared so much about spending quality time with you, he should offer to make dinner so that it is ready when you both are home and maximize your together time. Can't he just play WOW or SC2 for 1.5 hrs while waiting for you to finish your work?
Your situation sounds very similar to DH and me. We're both in IT consulting as well, though he's been blessed with pretty relaxed 8 hour days where he can work from home whenever and can flex hours as he chooses. He's generally home by 3pm. I worked 15 hour days (and weekends, bleh) for quite a while, before finally switching to a normal 9-6 type project.
What REALLY helped us out is to get DH some hobbies. Since he was done with work so much earlier than I was, he joined a bowling league, a hockey team, and goes golfing with his buddies. When he's out of the house, it doesn't bother him that I'm not home either.
FWIW, 9-6:30 is only an extra 30 minutes a day...that's hardly anything. I think it's pretty unreasonable that he's demanding you come home, unless there's something that you're not doing because you're at work instead. I know if I get off early one day and come home though, it just means an extra 30 minutes of catching up on TV or internet though--not a big deal.
Sad to hear the OP's story....my fiancee and I experienced an increase in work hours over the past few years as companies in general seem to be squeezing every hour and production out of its current workers. But in this economy we understand why its necessary and needed. When one person is late, the other cooks and will take care of chores. She happens to stay later than I do a lot more but I come in on weekends a lot now. Both of us realize that the last thing you want to hear when you're working late hours on a job is "when can you be home" or be bothered with anything but finishing the job for the day. We know each of us would definitely rather be home earlier if we could.
Good luck to the OP...I honestly think the root of the problem is you have a self centered man who doesn't have a good understanding of what you do...either he doesn't know or doesnt care and just wants you home.
My comments are applicable to both sexes, I don't really think 15 hour days are healthy. I think the family should come first.
If a woman was acting the same way I don't think that anyone would say much. The fact that its a guy, he's somehow controlling and possibly sorta a wimp.
Gives you pause for thought...........
Well, duh, it's not healthy, but she's not doing it anymore and he STILL complains.
Tell him you want to become a flight attendant. Maybe the thought of you being gone for days at a time in any number of locales with partying crews will make him realize things aren't as bad as he thinks.
I don't have enough info about your husband's complaint. Is he expressing not having enough one-on-one time with you in the evenings? What is the nightly routine once you get home from work?
What if you adjust your start time to perhaps 8 am?
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