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Old 12-14-2010, 07:55 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 12,400,446 times
Reputation: 13233

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Quote:
Originally Posted by victorhe33 View Post
Im not jumping on the omg divorce is 50 percent so my marriage is like a flip of a coin bandwagon. I am implying that right now in America there are social, and economic pressures that lead to divorce. Divorce is more likely to happen to you now then in the past. Whether or not this applies to you is your own opinion. I believe that environments affect people, that is all I am saying. Does that mean I think I will get divorced 50 percent? No, my chances are better then that due to many factors. But is it more likely I get divorced now then a hundred years ago? Yes.
Environmental variables absolutely play a role. The three big risk factors are age at time of marriage, your level of education, and income/income potential. For these folk, on the lower end of the SES scale, the risk for divorce is >50%.
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Old 12-14-2010, 08:11 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 10,031,952 times
Reputation: 7885
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
Don't have them unless you're 100% sure you won't divorce your spouse.
But...but...what if it's 99%????

How could anyone know such thing for 100%?? So many things can happen in life, nothing is set in stone.
There is only one guarantee in life - that you are going to die.

I do agree with you in a way, though. When a couple decides to have kids, at the very least they need to have a stable foundation, their relationship should be strong. Also, don't forget, KIDS CHANGE THINGS. I will be the first to admit that having a child caused a turmoil in our relationship because my husband lived 36 years of his life carefree and it was a huge adjustment for both of us.
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Old 12-14-2010, 09:04 PM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,411,789 times
Reputation: 6280
Quote:
Originally Posted by lyra33 View Post
Whaaattt? I think you meant to say, raising children IS expensive? Right?
Good catch. I typed too fast and forgot the word only as in not only expensive, but also...

Quote:
Originally Posted by victorhe33 View Post
Im not jumping on the omg divorce is 50 percent so my marriage is like a flip of a coin bandwagon. I am implying that right now in America there are social, and economic pressures that lead to divorce. Divorce is more likely to happen to you now then in the past. Whether or not this applies to you is your own opinion. I believe that environments affect people, that is all I am saying. Does that mean I think I will get divorced 50 percent? No, my chances are better then that due to many factors. But is it more likely I get divorced now then a hundred years ago? Yes.
While I agree that marriage is under greater pressure now than it was in the past, what's also true is that divorce doesn't have the stigma it used to have. In the past, people who may have wanted to get a divorce were reluctant to do so because of what people would think. Nowadays, no one really cares if you've been divorced because it's so common. It's more noteworthy if you reach your 30s and you don't have at least one marriage on your resume. Another thing that's changed is that women have careers of their own. In the past, they may have been afraid to divorce because they were financially dependent on their husbands. But that's not as common today. Lastly, there's your environment which you brought up. Imagine you're contemplating getting a divorce, but you're worried that it'll mean you're a failure. But then you look around and see everyone else getting divorced too. Now you're less likely to feel like you failed. Instead, you can take comfort in knowing that there are plenty of others just like you. I think all of these are big contributors to divorce. One issue that I raised in another thread is the idea of settling and how we live in a culture that seems to frown up on it. I think a lot of people bail out on a marriage because they think they settled and deserve better.
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Old 12-14-2010, 10:04 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 5,616,273 times
Reputation: 12347
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
My parents were married for exactly four years, and lived together maybe two(?).
I was actually conceived during one of their make-up sessions.
They divorced when I was two.
I spent the rest of my life hearing how crappy the one parent was from the other. Gee Mom and Dad, thanks!
This is one thing I never understood. If people want to vent about their past relationships, vent to a friend. Venting to your kids about your ex, especially when that ex is your kid's other parent, is just a bad idea all around. If you don't have respect for your ex as a parent, how will your kid? And parents who do this teach their kids it's okay to take sides and hate on someone just because someone else does. When one of my parents goes on about how awful the other one is, I immediately tell them to stop and tell them to keep me out of it. I'm just not interested.
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:07 AM
 
2,997 posts, read 2,773,036 times
Reputation: 1716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
So, under this advice, an unexpected, pre-marital baby shouldn't be born?

How about a lot of women who are abandoned and pregnant with a child?

You aren't taking into account all the scenerios in which a child is concieved.

My mother was 16 years old when she had my brother, however, her parents gave her two options, either get married (which is not what she wanted to do at all) or go away and have the baby elsewhere and give it up for adoption. She wasn't about to wonder for the rest of her life where her child was so they were married. The decision was out of her hands. She stuck it out for 23 years until I finally moved out in total frustration. So, are you suggesting that I never be born?
Im speaking of deliberate procreation to bring a child into the world within a marriage . Yes, i understand that accidents occur and probably a large percentage of us were 'accidents' . Im all for adoption , but never tearing a developing american human being limb from limb while in the (alleged) safest place on earth, the womb. Im glad you were born , and i trust you will want to live your life in love and service to God . Regards.
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Maryland
2,653 posts, read 2,686,785 times
Reputation: 2268
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Do you really believe there are that many people around who are so calculating that they decide to get married and start a family knowing full well they intend to divorce their spouse?

Honestly?

Most people go into a relationship with hopes for a long and happy future together. Sh/t happens, marriages fail, people divorce...that's life.
Yes. I'm one. I don't have children. One of the reasons, didn't want to become a single parent.

What if, my hubs leaves
What if, we divorce

I thought long and hard about my life and the children in it.
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
13,148 posts, read 10,691,587 times
Reputation: 20349
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
This is one thing I never understood. If people want to vent about their past relationships, vent to a friend. Venting to your kids about your ex, especially when that ex is your kid's other parent, is just a bad idea all around. If you don't have respect for your ex as a parent, how will your kid? And parents who do this teach their kids it's okay to take sides and hate on someone just because someone else does. When one of my parents goes on about how awful the other one is, I immediately tell them to stop and tell them to keep me out of it. I'm just not interested.
That's one of the things I always respected about my sister after her divorce. She never ever bad-mouthed her ex-husband in front of her boys. She always said, "when they get old enough, they'll see it for themselves." And they did.
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Old 12-15-2010, 10:46 AM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,411,789 times
Reputation: 6280
Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
Yes. I'm one. I don't have children. One of the reasons, didn't want to become a single parent.

What if, my hubs leaves
What if, we divorce

I thought long and hard about my life and the children in it.
That's what's kind of sad about the modern age. Think back to when there was no such thing as marriage. A man and a woman got together, had a baby, and raised it. The woman didn't think in terms of divorce because there was no marital contract to begin with. Sure there was a risk that he'd leave. But that meant the woman had to pick a guy she could be sure would stay.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:09 PM
Status: "SF Giants own you" (set 28 days ago)
 
Location: San Leandro
4,579 posts, read 4,675,095 times
Reputation: 3248
Divorce is not the end all be all of raising kids. My brother, my cousins, and I all became upstanding citizens regardless of divorce. What is crucial is that the parents share the same value system, and do their best to take care of their children.
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Old 12-15-2010, 03:52 PM
 
3,622 posts, read 2,937,598 times
Reputation: 4211
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
That's what's kind of sad about the modern age. Think back to when there was no such thing as marriage. A man and a woman got together, had a baby, and raised it. The woman didn't think in terms of divorce because there was no marital contract to begin with. Sure there was a risk that he'd leave. But that meant the woman had to pick a guy she could be sure would stay.
And exactly what time was that? lol?

The difference? The equal rights movement/sexual revolution of the 60's which made it easier for women to support themselves; and more acceptable to have sex outside of marriage. Now marriage is different. Before "modern" marriage women provided something to men, men provided something back. Now women don't need men to survive, and men can get sex without committing to marriage. Now marriage is really an ideal that some try and live out, but it's hard to do in the "modern" world we live in.

But really marriage has been around for thousands of years. I'm not sure what you are referring to? (Bold part)
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