Online dating sites: Rip off? (wife, boyfriends, how to, men)

[solidsquid]

I don't know about that site in particular but I remember there being some sites which were shown to have created false profiles to lure people into paying. If you have a MySpace account, this type of luring is rampant for the site Singles.com. Spammers have even been phishing people's personal accounts in order to spam their friends with ads for this site and others.

Extremely unethical business practices. But you must keep in mind that these are sites which exist to make money. Money first, your chance of finding someone a very, very distant second. Free social networking sites are probably better than singles sites.

[LittleMissSunshine]

I was once a member of Match.com. I went on 3 dates and did not like the guys. Then I met someone off there who turned into a boyfriend and it lasted almost 2 years. It's a cool site. It's just like meeting people any place else, there is good and bad.

I DO NOT like EHarmony, I once filled out their stupid profile thing and after wasting an hour of my life, it told me I had no hope of ever finding someone.

[Rance]

I DO NOT like EHarmony, I once filled out their stupid profile thing and after wasting an hour of my life, it told me I had no hope of ever finding someone.

WTF? Ahahahahahahahahah!

[VillageLife]

EHarmony did not work for me at all.For some reason I was getting firefighters and some policemen,I think they are cute but there is no place where I can choose profession.
Match.com is ok,talked to a few,I think eveyone is just looking,just like buying a house..looki looki's

[ertily]

The quality of online dating sites has steadily decreased over the years because they are becoming so commonplace and I feel people are less patient. I have used yahoo, match and a feel minor ones and there seems to be a common thread with so many women. It seems to defy logic and rationality in how they think and behave. So many women do not attempt to communicate or form an opinion without any information. One of the stupidest things a person can do is make a decision or form an opinion without information. I have met and corresponded with some nice women and made a few friends along the way, however overwhelmingly it seems women do not communicate. Either that or they are not honest in their profiles.
Just as background, I have always completely read a woman's profile before replying. I am an educated man with an advanced degree and my profile is grammatically correct, well written, interesting and not too long nor too short. I accompany them with good photographs. Needless to say, I write good, humorous and respectful messages to women. Some reply but do not carry forth the communication, others do not reply back. I only write to women near my age and am not demanding or insinuating. What blows my mind is I see so many women write in their profile they are looking for a man who is adventurous, kind, intelligent, spiritual, sense of humor, etc, etc. They list all these good character traits they seek, but here is the rub - when a guy like me who possesses all those things write to them, they do not correspond back! To me, that seems as irrational as complaining you are extremely hungry but refusing to accept edible food offered to you. Not to sound pessimistic, but I am doubting there are any rational women anymore. It is one thing if people meet and do not click. That is why it is called dating. It is another though not to at least explore things to the point where you at least have sufficient information.
I have also heard it said that women get deluged with messages from men and that most are just seeking sex, or poorly written, etc. For fun I once investigated this by creating a fake woman's ad on a dating site. I made her out to be a typical, average woman in many aspects. True, within a day or so "Debbie" got a lot of messages from men. However, the majority were well written and from decent sounding men. So I am skeptical that all women get are messages from losers or drivel.
I have rejected women who have written to me, but I have only done so after learning enough about her to conclusively know we were not compatible. I believe it is impossible for someone to reach that conclusion from just reading their profile and seeing a photo.
My belief is that people who use online dating, especially women, have become like kids in a candy store. In the old days a person had no choice but to get to know someone as things unfolded over time. This put conversations and everything in context and you learned about the person. With online dating it is too easy to read a profile and conjecture what that person is like then make uninformed decisions that are likely wrong.
One of the most profound things though is how a lot of women want to 'feel' a connection with a man from his profile before communicating. Think how ludicrous it is to expect a man to write a profile that covers all angles - explaining who he is, what he is looking for, creating interest, establishing common interests - in one or two paragraphs? Do you want him to excite all your senses, create world peace and make social security solvent as well? The lesson is if person has an intelligent and well constructed profile and states qualities and interests that you both share, then this is someone to at least attempt to get to know. The mistake is intoning, imagining or inferring more about the person and then writing him/her off based on that. That would be ignorant and misguided.
I am not mr. Nasty about all this and remain optimistic but feel the old fasioned way of meeting people is the better means. I abide by that old parable of the boy who keeps shoveling thru the pile of manure - "there must be a pony in there somewhere".
Best to you all

[Rance]

I recently met a lady through an on-line forum. Things went well and I eventually traveled a fair distance to meet her in person. We both took risks I guess. Her inviting me to visit and me accepting the invitation. But I felt pretty comfortable about it after much communication via PM's and phone calls. As it turns out, the entire experience is one I will cherish forever. So there is hope people...there is hope. I guess I have to consider myself very lucky that things did go so well...as this was my first on-line experience in meeting a woman, and then meeting her in RL and getting along so well. Funny thing...we did not meet on a dating site, but we had a heck of a first date!

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by Rance

I recently met a lady through an on-line forum. Things went well and I eventually traveled a fair distance to meet her in person. We both took risks I guess. Her inviting me to visit and me accepting the invitation. But I felt pretty comfortable about it after much communication via PM's and phone calls. As it turns out, the entire experience is one I will cherish forever. So there is hope people...there is hope. I guess I have to consider myself very lucky that things did go so well...as this was my first on-line experience in meeting a woman, and then meeting her in RL and getting along so well. Funny thing...we did not meet on a dating site, but we had a heck of a first date!

This is a much better forum for getting to know someone, less artificial, less focused on finding someone. Takes some of the pressure off. Dating sites are all about being single. Never liked single groups for the same reason although I have made friends in single group activities. Yeah, your first date was fun to read--thanks for sharing it Rance. Good wishes for continued dates! Even if it means you ARE taken Somewhere I missed that one - must have been when I was in ceramics class.

[canibeyou]

Originally Posted by LittleMissSunshine

I DO NOT like EHarmony, I once filled out their stupid profile thing and after wasting an hour of my life, it told me I had no hope of ever finding someone.

Okay... that just sucks, I don't care who you are! But kinda funny... in a sick-sense-of-humor way.

[Dancingearth]

Hmmmm.. since we seem to both have similar experiences Ertily, I don't think it is the gender. I'm a woman and don't expect to have any feelings other than the ones you mention--do we have similar values, interests, ability to communicate. In the past I have had men send me what appears to be a form letter--no reference to anything in my ad. I'd even respond to the long distance men if they wrote an email instead of those dumb winks. My ad says I want someone close to where I live but if they made an effort, I'd write back and attempt to get to know them. I never ignore someone that makes an effort - I at least say no thank you. It blows me away when I get emails that have horrible misspelling, bad grammar, and no caps or worst, all caps. How can my writing be construed as someone interested in a person who can't communicate? I don't need to pursue them--I just say no thank you. Although taking web design maybe they're all web designers? The teacher said no caps. I'm just kidding.

I send emails and get no response and also wonder what they want. And I've had men misrepresent themselves. Sounds like you get more response than I do though but I probably give up faster. One time I had a male friend write an ad for me--nothing. But he tells me it is this town. He has had women ignore him in person (although he's found a wonderful woman now.) I like having male friends so I know it just isn't me experiencing it--helps me keep from being totally frustrated with men. I think it is the medium and age. I think I take my ad down quickly because I feel like I need therapy so I don't dislike men. This time I'm not feeling quite like that--just annoyed that I paid for three months and I think match.com manipulates people to get them to pay.

I agree that the old fashioned way is better-- I need that spark that comes with meeting someone in person and finding them interesting enough to want to know more and allowing it to develop at a more natural pace. And it is so much more fun to flirt in person. Much harder over the Internet with a picture and a few words and the pressure of selling yourself and performing. And then the problem with emailing and how the words can be read many different ways other than how you meant them. No smiles or body language to say you're teasing. Good luck finding your pony--just watch who you're calling the manure !

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by canibeyou

Okay... that just sucks, I don't care who you are! But kinda funny... in a sick-sense-of-humor way.

Oh sure, that is because you're married (right?) Yes, you have to have a sense of humor as a single person attempting to date. It is why many just give it up. I wish I would have written stuff down because I'd tell friends that aren't single and they didn't believe how people behave, men and women. It is sick humor but I have a pretty weird sense of humor. Maybe gotten weirder since I'm single.