Online dating sites: Rip off? (guys, singles, younger, college)

[Karla with a K]

Dancingearth
Can you start a dance class for singles, Something along the lines "Increase your dating potential learn to dance!!!"
Growing up in the music era most 40 to 55 yr olds didn't learn to really dance.
I can do a mean "hustle" being the "disco babe" I was but other than that it was mostly "freestyle" dancing.
The benefits of this would be:
As the leader you would get to check the guys out first
After a few classes the while group could go out to a club to practice, there is nothing like a happy group of singles out together that seems to attract folks to the group.

karla

[Anu2]

I've tried online dating quite a few times--I actually think I was one of the pioneers back in the day when it wasn't hip. I don't think that Match.com is a scam, however, I do think there are fake profiles there but not Match.com's doing. I know that there are a lot of women's profiles on there who are looking to get paid for services. I'm female, though, so I have not encountered that with men!

I actually just put an ad back up on Match last Saturday. So far, I have gotten like 450 views, maybe 30-40 e-mails and another 50 winks or so (I haven't checked for a couple of days). IMO, this is the easiest way to screen people for important deal breakers for me like smokers, jobless people, and vegetarians :-). And I would never find these people out and about. I actually can't figure out how to meet men in "real life" since the bar scene is boring (and I don't meet people there anyway) and none of my friends or co-workers can ever think of anyone that "I would like." (I am fairly picky since I want brains, looks, AND personality in a mate).

I have tried E-Harmony--sucks. It's expensive and slow and there aren't a ton of matches so not too many people I actually want to start conversing with. A lot of people don't post their pic and it's not fair 'cause I post mine! I think this site would be good for someone really shy, though.

I have tried Yahoo (ok but not that many people), Plenty of Fish (mainly blue collar), Matchmaker (been a long time), and one or two that are no longer out there. Match still has been the best for me--haven't had success with others in the past.

I have met 3 boyfriends online. One I dated off and on for 3 years, one for 1.5 years, and one for 6 months. This is not to say I haven't met my fair share of people who I normally would have never gone on a date with had I met them in real life first. People do lie--especially about looks. Guys tend to add on 2 inches if they are under 5'11" and every guy says he's built (so not true) and many guys use pictures 5 or more years old. Anyway, I think that if you have an interesting, honest ad, RECENT and REPRESENTATIVE pictures, and you know what you're looking for, online dating can definitely work.

Wow, that was a novel. If you made it to the end of this, you deserve a pat on the back!

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by myfask

Dancingearth
Can you start a dance class for singles, Something along the lines "Increase your dating potential learn to dance!!!"
Growing up in the music era most 40 to 55 yr olds didn't learn to really dance.
I can do a mean "hustle" being the "disco babe" I was but other than that it was mostly "freestyle" dancing.
The benefits of this would be:
As the leader you would get to check the guys out first
After a few classes the while group could go out to a club to practice, there is nothing like a happy group of singles out together that seems to attract folks to the group.

karla

Now there's an idea for a career! I'm not good enough to teach though. The singles group here fell apart when my bubbly friend got married. It became dull and boring without her bubbly fun nature. I went because she was fun - we're still very good friends. I made two very good women friends through the group--not many men came. It does take the right kind of mix to keep the fun energy going. I'm going to join the other single's group in town - went to one of their dances and they were very nice. People talked to me and the guys asked me to dance. Seems to be more active lately--there are activities to get to know them. I won't have to immediately decide if you want to date or not unlike personal ads. Maybe there is too much info on the Internet. Too easy to discard a person by a few words unlike meeting in person--it takes awhile to get to the same info and by that time you might like them and be willing to accept the perceived imperfections because they balance the lovely person.

[Anu2]

Originally Posted by Dancingearth

DCNative - I don't know for sure but my sense is that for guys it is probably better--especially young good looking ones like you Someone should teach manners though--at least say no thank you kindly. Anonymous really brings out the bad manners. I read somewhere that one of the worst things to do socially to another human being is to ignore them and act like they don't exist. Not sure but I know I don't like it.

Dancingearth--Hmmm...I guess I'm one of the ones with bad manners. I tend not to respond to people I'm not interested in. I've thought about it but honestly, I would be writing to 10-20 people a day. I really just don't have time for that. Most of the people who write only send one liners, anyway, so it's not like they put a ton of effort into writing to me. Am I bad to think this way?

On another note, how do you know DCNative is good looking?

DCNative--if you are really that good looking, I'm single :-)

[Dancingearth]

Originally Posted by Anu2

So far, I have gotten like 450 views, maybe 30-40 e-mails and another 50 winks or so (I haven't checked for a couple of days).
.....
Anyway, I think that if you have an interesting, honest ad, RECENT and REPRESENTATIVE pictures, and you know what you're looking for, online dating can definitely work.
!

Gee where's my paperbag? Do you live in a big city? Young? I think I qualify for interesting and honest but had maybe 10 views, 3 winks, no emails, no responses to my winks or emails in 6 weeks. I've tried different pictures (of myself now,) different writeups, still the same. I see no sense in putting information that is old or wrong since they will find out anyway but I have had the experience of misinformation several times (4+ years ago) and heard men have it with women (I did get a young man tell me he would be in town and provide services--yuck.)

I thought of trying changing my picture into what I think men look for just to test my gut feeling but felt it is not worth the time and effort to find out they judge me by my looks. Not a lot I can or want to do about that (not going to color my hair, wear a lot of makeup, or get plastic surgery, etc.) I imagine some women will do that and then go back to who they are--I cut to the chase and just be who I am already.

Four years ago when I first moved here, I went on a couple dates with men I met online. One misrepresented himself and the other was way too eager and I couldn't find anything we had in common to do together. I have more success in person - been on a couple of dates that were very nice since moving to WA but the men lived hours away--difficult to get to know when they live so far away and aren't good writers.

Good luck--have fun.

[Anu2]

[quote=Dancingearth;1060686]Gee where's my paperbag? Do you live in a big city? Young? I think I qualify for interesting and honest but had maybe 10 views, 3 winks, no emails, no responses to my winks or emails in 6 weeks. I've tried different pictures (of myself now,) different writeups, still the same. QUOTE]

Younger women definitely get more views, winks, e-mails, etc. When I was 21, I think I got like 30-40 e-mails a day (when I lived in D.C.). Now, I'm 30, I live in Charlotte. Keep in mind, though, that the majority of men who wink/write are by no means my type and obviously haven't read my profile. For instance, I give an age range, and people 20 years outside of my age range will still write/wink. I think I write back to maybe 2-3 in a hundred.

If you want to PM me your ad, I'll take a look and give you some feedback. I've helped several of my friends write their ads in the past so I consider myself an expert :-).

[DCNative]

Originally Posted by Anu2

Dancingearth--Hmmm...I guess I'm one of the ones with bad manners. I tend not to respond to people I'm not interested in. I've thought about it but honestly, I would be writing to 10-20 people a day. I really just don't have time for that. Most of the people who write only send one liners, anyway, so it's not like they put a ton of effort into writing to me. Am I bad to think this way?

On another note, how do you know DCNative is good looking?

DCNative--if you are really that good looking, I'm single :-)

I'm single, too. As for my looks, just ask moonsavvy or JeepGirl118...

[Dancingearth]

Yes, many men like to fantasize--I was out with a male friend (50s) and he looked at a 20 something woman and said do you think she'd go out with me? I said in your dreams. Now 20 years older is 74. Still too old but I don't get those either but maybe they gave up.

I'll send you my link and see if they changed it to my smart ass ad (hidden) because I got so annoyed. My fav was the time I put down that I drank budlight regularly, bowled, weighed 500 pounds (can't believe sites that ask for your weight!) and all the things I wasn't (because at the time there was no way to remove the ad) then forgot all about it until six months later and found I actually got a real response--"are you for real?" I have a weird sense of humor.

[Marylandkitten]

Originally Posted by canibeyou

I'm not single, but I've often wondered about eHarmony. Their ads seem like everyone's hooking up with their soulmate on there.

You guys want a laugh? I was most politely informed, after spending about 45 minutes on EHarmony's website filling out their indepth personality test, that I was regretably "unmatchable" to any of their other subscribers. After extending my "relationship-radius" by about two thousand miles and getting the same response, I took the hint.

If anyone needs me, I'll be laying out on the middle of I-95 waitin for a semi.

[DaSkorpion]

Originally Posted by Dancingearth

I am really thinking these Internet personal sites are a big rip off and use deceptive business practices. They seemed okay a few years ago but these last two times I've tried (over the last four years), I have my doubts about their integrity. For instance, you can't read any emails or winks until you pay so when I posted an ad and got a response, I paid. Only it was some very strange person (this last time it was a woman who wanted to get together with other women to complain about the men!) Man, that made me mad. I paid for that! Since I only get winks from men 3,000 miles (or more) away and these very odd ones I'm beginning to think match.com sends them to keep people paying but they are so weird and so distant no one bothers responding. I always respond with at least a no thank you but I never hear back from anyone I wrote or winked at.

This is the second time I fell for it. I went and paid for three months this time and because I know people that have met people thru this medium, I don't want to take it down (okay and maybe pure stubborness I paid for it so I want to have some fun. So I wrote a long rambling email because I don't really believe anyone actually reads them but match won't post it. They sent a rule list which doesn't appear to fit anything I wrote. I think they didn't like that I said I wasted my money that could have been spent on six dance lessons instead. Certainly no freedom of speech on that site if that was why they wouldn't post it. We need to come up with a better site for single people to talk to each other. No talking going on at those sites that is for sure.

Are there real people working at that place? My account also shows I got a wink but I can't access it and when I wrote customer service all I got back was a form letter not telling me anything. They are screwed up because it says I have to subscribe to access it but I did subscribe. Makes my belief they send this stuff so people pay when in reality no one real is sending the emails or winks and maybe half the ads aren't real either. Anyone else have this experience? I want one of those grumpy people stomping off my page This is the last time I try this medium. I think it has outworn it's use, especially for my age group (54.) There are to be studies on this stuff--going to look.

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Most of these online dating sites are more interested in taking your money every month than helping you. Some like eroticy even restrict how you communicate ... that is you have to do everything on their portal - in other words you cannot share email addy or IM SN's and you even get banned if you express any concerns about their services.

One other site I have heard about that was great is love voodoo - they are run by a husband and wife - I have never used it so I do not know how really good they are.

Other than that - save your monthly subscription money hit the bars and have you some fun rather than pay these crooks to do nothing...!!!