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Old 12-18-2010, 05:56 PM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,638,816 times
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When just meeting or getting to know someone, what are some basic things to do or not to do, to not appear desperate or needy?

Off of the top of my head:
Keep phone conversations short and don't wait for them to end the conversation.

Give them a little time to miss you. Don't contact them much more frequently than they contact you.

Keep the first few dates like classic dates, have dinner, movies and keep it to 2 or 3 hours.

I always think that you can't make a person like you. They either will or won't. But in the beginning delicate stage or the first week or month, someone can get scared away, before they have a chance to get to know you.
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Old 12-18-2010, 06:14 PM
 
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I think keep contact at a reasonable rate, and don't complain about being lonely in the date.

Also, don't under any circumstance say you love them on the first date lol.
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Old 12-18-2010, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
4,262 posts, read 4,113,767 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
I think keep contact at a reasonable rate, and don't complain about being lonely in the date.

Also, don't under any circumstance say you love them on the first date lol.
Or introduce them as your BF or GF on thier first date either. "My date" works just fine.
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Old 12-19-2010, 02:52 AM
 
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula
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i think the only way to promise that you won't give off those signals is by simply NOT BE THAT PERSON. if you are desperate or clingy then believe me, someone is gonna be able to pick up on that. at least i can. it hangs around you like a miasma. if you are desperate, strangely enough, seems nothing ever happens for you. when you stop trying- that's when it happens. if you are desperate, get a hobby. a cat. stop staring at your naval. do something. stop looking.
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Old 12-19-2010, 03:12 AM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,638,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
i think the only way to promise that you won't give off those signals is by simply NOT BE THAT PERSON. if you are desperate or clingy then believe me, someone is gonna be able to pick up on that. at least i can. it hangs around you like a miasma. if you are desperate, strangely enough, seems nothing ever happens for you. when you stop trying- that's when it happens. if you are desperate, get a hobby. a cat. stop staring at your naval. do something. stop looking.
The opposite is true for me. If I don't date for a while, then date, I act needy. But if I keep meeting new women, and it doesn't work out, I feel like a new one is around the corner. If dates aren't scarce, then they aren't as valuable and things go better. Or at least it feels that way, which is all that matters.

I met 2 new women from online a couple days ago, so I had 2 meetings/dates in the same day. The first was nice, but no real connection. I hit it off with the second a bit more. I just sent a "how is your day" text to the second one and she responded. It's a much better result than the one women I met a few weeks earlier, which I seemed too anxious about working, then she just rejected me.
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Old 12-19-2010, 03:15 AM
 
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
The opposite is true for me. If I don't date for a while, then date, I act needy. But if I keep meeting new women, and it doesn't work out, I feel like a new one is around the corner. If dates aren't scarce, then they aren't as valuable and things go better. Or at least it feels that way, which is all that matters.

I met 2 new women from online a couple days ago, so I had 2 meetings/dates in the same day. The first was nice, but no real connection. I hit it off with the second a bit more. I just sent a "how is your day" text to the second one and she responded. It's a much better result than the one women I met a few weeks earlier, which I seemed too anxious about working, then she just rejected me.
yeah, i can understand that. for some folk it makes sense. i always hated dating, i would rather hang out as friends on a completely casual level and then practically fall in love before making any sort of move. if people are comfortable with dating then i can see that dating will in and of itself be a way to fight a sense of stagnation or desperation. very good point.

i hope it works out for you with this new chick!
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Old 12-19-2010, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
880 posts, read 1,124,297 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
i think the only way to promise that you won't give off those signals is by simply NOT BE THAT PERSON. if you are desperate or clingy then believe me, someone is gonna be able to pick up on that. at least i can. it hangs around you like a miasma. if you are desperate, strangely enough, seems nothing ever happens for you. when you stop trying- that's when it happens. if you are desperate, get a hobby. a cat. stop staring at your naval. do something. stop looking.

When I tried, nothing happened.

When I don't try, nothing happens.
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Old 12-19-2010, 11:24 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 10,121,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
When just meeting or getting to know someone, what are some basic things to do or not to do, to not appear desperate or needy?

Off of the top of my head:
Keep phone conversations short and don't wait for them to end the conversation.

Give them a little time to miss you. Don't contact them much more frequently than they contact you.

Keep the first few dates like classic dates, have dinner, movies and keep it to 2 or 3 hours.

I always think that you can't make a person like you. They either will or won't. But in the beginning delicate stage or the first week or month, someone can get scared away, before they have a chance to get to know you.
The question is: ARE you desperate and needy and if yes, why? If you are not, the chances are, no matter how you behave, act or talk, you will not appear so.
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Old 12-19-2010, 11:25 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 10,121,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighthouse66 View Post
i think the only way to promise that you won't give off those signals is by simply NOT BE THAT PERSON. if you are desperate or clingy then believe me, someone is gonna be able to pick up on that. at least i can. it hangs around you like a miasma. if you are desperate, strangely enough, seems nothing ever happens for you. when you stop trying- that's when it happens. if you are desperate, get a hobby. a cat. stop staring at your naval. do something. stop looking.
Bingo! Great minds think alike!
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Old 12-19-2010, 11:49 AM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,638,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
The question is: ARE you desperate and needy and if yes, why? If you are not, the chances are, no matter how you behave, act or talk, you will not appear so.

Yes and No It depends.

Woman I acted needy with, I got too invested in before we spent much time together in person. Too many emails, too much personal talk and then she cut it off. I wasn't looking for other prospects.

Most other women or times in my life, I haven't acted that needy. I've met them in person to begin with, so I know there is a real connection in person. I was less invested and looked forward to meeting other women around the corner.
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