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Yea you need to stop thinking of a relationship as somewhat possible. If hes in a relationship, thats no different then if he was married. Stop leading YOURSELF on. You just want to hear what you want to hear. If he was flirting with you what r you gonna do? Make him ditch his girlfriend? come on grow up.
Her question was how to get over it, not how to get him to ditch the other girl. It's normal to feel bad after you've been rejected in a way.
It's a real downer to be hooked on someone with little or no potential for anything to blossom. I'm in the same boat myself, also dealing with a co-worker. It's a natural emotion. The trick is not letting these feelings overcome you or put a damper on any future prospects. Working with the person and seeing them each day will make it harder but try to stay afloat. Good luck.
Yea you need to stop thinking of a relationship as somewhat possible. If hes in a relationship, thats no different then if he was married. Stop leading YOURSELF on. You just want to hear what you want to hear. If he was flirting with you what r you gonna do? Make him ditch his girlfriend? come on grow up.
I never said anything about ditching his girlfriend. If you can see where I said that, please point it out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat
Her question was how to get over it, not how to get him to ditch the other girl. It's normal to feel bad after you've been rejected in a way.
Thank you.
Exactly. I am seeking advice on how to get over it or what to do. Not how to get him to ditch the other girl...
And I suppose this arises another question. Is it really rejection if he never knew how I felt in the first place? It is not like I ever asked him out and he said no. I do believe he feels I may have liked him though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bondurant
It's a real downer to be hooked on someone with little or no potential for anything to blossom. I'm in the same boat myself, also dealing with a co-worker. It's a natural emotion. The trick is not letting these feelings overcome you or put a damper on any future prospects. Working with the person and seeing them each day will make it harder but try to stay afloat. Good luck.
Would you care to share your situation with us? Any signs she/he may like you back?
Hon, I feel so sorry for you. I think we've all been there at one time or another.
Personally, I don't see anything immature about you pulling back from him, finding other managers when you need them. I think that's one of the smartest things you could do in order to make the work situation not be too awkward.
I think the hardest thing for me to get used to be that when a guy would do all these things I considered flirting (like you described that night you walked out together), I would interpret them as so meaningful and huge, while I think they were just random, or not nearly as significant to anyone else. If he has a girlfriend, that demonstrates that he DOES seem to know how to ask someone out and indicate interest, right? I think that if he truly wanted that with you and/or thought it was okay with the work situation, he would have pursued you. I don't say that to be cruel, merely to try to give you a realistic look at it.
I would continue doing your job, seeking out other managers when possible and only being casually cordial if he initiates a conversation. If there comes a time when he's single again, great. But I wouldn't wait around hoping that will happen. There are plenty of guys in the world. I truly do understand how it feels when you're hung up on one guy and think you can never be happy without him (that happens to all of us), but eventually when you meet someone new, he'll be a thing of the past. I would try to get out there and see what else life might have to offer.
You may have read my post before about me liking my manager from work. Well guys, months later here I am. I am still head over heels for this guy.
The circumstances are different now. When I made my first post, he was single. He just got a girlfriend 2 or 3 months ago. I didn't know how to react to that so basically I just went silent. If I ever needed a manager approval code or numbers, I'd check to see if any other manager was around and ask him for help. If I saw him coming, I'd quickly find something to do. Basically, I went on this whole silent thing. It may seem immature and dramatic but I don't know what else to do. It was the only defense mechanism I could think off without letting the tears fall out in front of everyone at work. If me and him talked at all, it was him starting the conversation. It would usually be brief as I would want to go away. Fast.
So it worked for a bit. I would call the other manager and the other manager would come help me. If I saw him coming, I'd avoid him in one way or another. What happened a bit ago was I did not see him in the store, so I asked for a manager approval. As my dumb luck would have it, he answered right away and said my name over the system. He came over and basically we talked. It had been a month or so since we talked since I just avoided him. To make the long story short, we exchanged a couple of laughs and words. When I was about to go, he stopped me and said "How come I feel like you and I dont have conversations like we used too anymore?"
Despite the butterflies in my stomach at the thought that he missed our conversations, I seriously felt like screaming on the top of my lungs "BECAUSE YOU HAD TO GO AND GET A GIRLFRIEND AND ARE SO BLIND!" Instead, I smiled and kept my cool and said that I was busy with school and hadn't been around. He seemed to accept my answer and asked me how school was going and if I still had an addiction to soda. That night when we closed down the store, he indicated he was on my facebook profile and playfully whispered my name when we were sitting together. I remember when I came back from my trip to England ( I wanna go back soon), he told me he missed me. He has said things like that to me many times which could be friendly or flirty so I think that is why I am stuck here. I don't know what to think quite simply. When we walked out together that night, he asked me if I remembered some of our "inside jokes" since it was so long since we talked.
I still am doing the whole silent thing and I think he is starting to notice again. He is not making any friendly or flirty conversation anymore like he used too. It seems like he avoids me if possible now as well or maybe he is into his new girlfriend now. And when we do talk, it is very brief. I wonder what is going on here. Has he caught onto my feelings for him and understands I am hurt? Or is he just thinking I am a *****? It seems he seemed to notice that I was not talking to him as much and brought it up the first time but now he may think I am just a lost cause. I just can't get over the feeling that I may have let him slip through my fingers. He showed me some signs before and now it is just so confusing.
Any advice? This whole thing is driving me crazy. I know it is wrong to like your boss. I know it is wrong to act like how I am. But I am young and in like (not love, LOL) with this guy. I honestly think that he may be one of the most handsome guys I have EVER met. I sincerely mean it. I never thought I would fall for someone like him.
I know some of you may say he is player. Honestly, he is not. A flirt? Perhaps but not a player. I can't see him being a player. Sometimes I think he may be overly friendly with me but then somethings he says just seem to be more than just friendly. I can't picture myself whispering a guys name unless I wanted to get his attention or thought he was cute. I know everyone is different but this is driving me nuts.
Helppppp pleaseeeee.
Sincerely,
A young girl in like
You're infatuated and you'll get over it in time. Often, when you really start to get to know someone and begin to see things you hadn't noticed before while you were ga-ga over someone, you'll lose interest and then start wondering what it was you saw in that person in the first place. Give it time, eventually he won't look like the prize you think he is right now.
Confess. Ask for a private meeting to discuss a personal matter. Take a deep breath and say " the reason I've been acting so weird is I had a crush on you and didn't know how to act. I picked up on what seems to be mixed signals, but with you being my boss, I didn't know how to respond." Then add something like now that you know he has a girlfriend, you would appreciate it if he would tone down the flirting because it is disruptive for you.
You're infatuated and you'll get over it in time. Often, when you really start to get to know someone and begin to see things you hadn't noticed before while you were ga-ga over someone, you'll lose interest and then start wondering what it was you saw in that person in the first place. Give it time, eventually he won't look like the prize you think he is right now.
And you know the funny thing is that I hardly ever fall for people. I think that is why this bugs me so much. I hardly every fall for anyone. I want to know why and what attracts to him. Not just for a relationship but for my needs too. What is it psychologically?
I think I started liking him around April or May. I knew it was more than that near July or August.
And isn't the same with everyone? :-P Doesn't everyone have things you don't like about them? No one is perfect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Siobjuan
Confess. Ask for a private meeting to discuss a personal matter. Take a deep breath and say " the reason I've been acting so weird is I had a crush on you and didn't know how to act. I picked up on what seems to be mixed signals, but with you being my boss, I didn't know how to respond." Then add something like now that you know he has a girlfriend, you would appreciate it if he would tone down the flirting because it is disruptive for you.
This will clear the air and let you get over him.
I wish I had the courage to do that. But aren't the things I listed also friendly? Couldn't this all be him being friendly? And I don't want to make this any more weird than it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886
Hon, I feel so sorry for you. I think we've all been there at one time or another.
Personally, I don't see anything immature about you pulling back from him, finding other managers when you need them. I think that's one of the smartest things you could do in order to make the work situation not be too awkward.
I think the hardest thing for me to get used to be that when a guy would do all these things I considered flirting (like you described that night you walked out together), I would interpret them as so meaningful and huge, while I think they were just random, or not nearly as significant to anyone else. If he has a girlfriend, that demonstrates that he DOES seem to know how to ask someone out and indicate interest, right? I think that if he truly wanted that with you and/or thought it was okay with the work situation, he would have pursued you. I don't say that to be cruel, merely to try to give you a realistic look at it.
I would continue doing your job, seeking out other managers when possible and only being casually cordial if he initiates a conversation. If there comes a time when he's single again, great. But I wouldn't wait around hoping that will happen. There are plenty of guys in the world. I truly do understand how it feels when you're hung up on one guy and think you can never be happy without him (that happens to all of us), but eventually when you meet someone new, he'll be a thing of the past. I would try to get out there and see what else life might have to offer.
Plus one for the nice post. And you dont sound cruel at all. I am so glad you are being honest with me. That is what I want. And those things I listed are some of the smaller things he does/said. When he first met me, he asked me where I was from. I told him I was Indian and spoke Punjabi and Hindi. He asked me about Indian music and I told him to look into Hindi songs because they were easier to find than Punjabi. Guess what? The next day, he came in with Punjabi songs on his phone and goes "Oh? This is Punjabi! I found it!"
I honestly do think there was attraction on both ends but I don't know. I mean he knows I work under him and my company has a policy against dating each other. I am also glad you don't think my avoiding him is immature. Once again, I not being a snob about it. If he does call me, it is not like I give him attitude. I talk to him and settle whatever he tells me to settle in a professional manner. I feel bad because I feel like he notices and it is just weird. I call other managers to settle situations and they have been very happy to help.
I think what I found the most "meaningful and huge" is when he asked me how come me and him didn't have conversations like we used too. I remember I made a status on Facebook (when I was in England in the summer) that said "I will only date British boys from now on" (the British accent is soooo hot). Like 3 weeks ago, he asked me if I liked Harry Potter. I said no and he was like "oh really? I thought you only liked British boys!"
Like what the hell?
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