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There are some things you'll never have control over. For example, I have no control over the job market. So I can't use that as an excuse not to look for a job. But there's a lot of things I do have control over. If If I hate my job and want something better, I have to go out and find it. I can't wait for it to fall in my lap. But some people don't like the idea of working hard for something if there's no guarantee it'll work out. So it's easier to believe they just have bad luck than take responsibility for where they are in life.
I definitely take action and do wait for anything to fall into my lap. I am independent contractor and I would not have made it this far if that is not the case. However, I am definitely slipping and have to find out what next in my life.
Why do some people complain about things, but then do nothing about it? I have one friend who, every year around the holidays, complains about not having anywhere to go or no one to spend it with. She vows that next year will be different. But then next year rolls around and it's the same thing. If I ask her why she doesn't do anything about it, she interprets it as an attack.
There are some things in life that you have no control over. Traffic, the weather, the job market, etc. So complaining about those things seems rather pointless. But if it's something you have some control over, like your personal life or finding a job, how can you complain about it while sitting back and doing nothing to change it? I guess I'm trying to understand the psychology behind this sort of behavior. Is it fear? Are these people afraid of trying to change their lives and not succeeding? Is it inertia? Do they genuinely want to change their lives, but can't find the energy to start? Is it just a way to deflect blame and not have to take responsibility for their own lives? And if you're on the outside, how do you help such a person, assuming you even can?
They want to give the blame to someone or something else.
If someone wanted to genuinely change their lives; they would of done it or tried to do it. I always ask them what are you doing to change it?
If they wanted help then I would suggest things to them.
I usually dont associate with people who are negative.
I've definitely had friends like this. They just have the same complaints all the time and after you offer advice time and time again and they still complain and don't change their situation, it's really frustrating. I'm convinced that those are the types who just love to hear themselves talk and love to complain.
I agree with this. It's a victim thing. It's also a "me, me, me" thing.
I remember a guy who would call his friends after every little disagreement with his girlfriend, to the point that they were annoyed and he couldn't understand why. I told him that people are not always up for hearing about problems, especially the same ones, over and over. He said "But I need someone to talk to.". To him, his friends were supposed to be there for him, no matter what, because that is what friends do. Real friends also don't suck the lives out of one another with endless drama and negativity.
[quote=PassTheChocolate;17086314]I agree with this. It's a victim thing. It's also a "me, me, me" thing.
I remember a guy who would call his friends after every little disagreement with his girlfriend, to the point that they were annoyed and he couldn't understand why. I told him that people are not always up for hearing about problems, especially the same ones, over and over. He said "But I need someone to talk to.". To him, his friends were supposed to be there for him, no matter what, because that is what friends do. Real friends also don't suck the lives out of one another with endless drama and negativity.[/quote]
Wow, This reminds me so much of my friend of almost 20yrs. I almost want to stop being friends with him. I ignore his calls some days because I know the conversation is gonna be about what she did to him today. Leave her *ss and then call me.
The "me, me, me" part is so true. Some people just have to have an audience. They don't even bother to ask whether the other person is interested. It's all about them and their need to talk. That's one of the good things about being an introvert. If I have something on my mind, I don't feel compelled to share it with everyone else.
If the elemental aspect of life is that it's hard, then why complain when people hurt you? I don't believe it is hard, it's just our PC society that says it is. But if life has difficulty, should people complain about cheating, illness, abuse, or any other hardship in life?
It's not complaining but venting frustrations, hurt, etc and having people there to help you understand your feelings and maybe guide you to a better place in your feelings.
And to say that life is not hard, what rock are you living under? Or are you so oblivious to life that you're not really living life? Life is hard sometimes, it has it's ups and downs.
Great responses and what if that person who complains is your husband. I am the fixer and he wants to just keep on talking and complaining and making excuses on why none of my numerous suggestions will work or work for him...LOL..and wow, the list is long and drives me completely crazy. I have pretty well just learned to not suggest a fix and just to say, what will you do about that??
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If life is hard, why complain if people hurt you?
