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Old 12-20-2010, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Denver
682 posts, read 1,715,943 times
Reputation: 336

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A month ago, I moved across the country with my boyfriend, because he really wanted to live in Colorado and I guess I wanted to be with him. So, I'm now living with him in a city that is completely foreign to me and where I have no friends or network to help me get a job and this is the first time I've ever lived with someone I've dated. I'm really getting sick of him. I feel like he's selfish and lazy and he never admits being wrong. Probably because he never thinks he's wrong. He's extremely arrogant. Neither of us have jobs yet. I personally have applied at probably 100 places by now. He has sent his resume to probably about three places. He honestly thinks that his background and qualifications are so special that he doesn't really have to try to find a job...he thinks one is just going to find him because he's so freaking awesome.

So that paragraph above is just a rant, I guess. My question is about our apartment lease. My name is on the lease and we won't get out of the lease until the beginning of November, 2011. So, I'm pretty much stuck in this apartment with him until then. Should I wait to break up with him until then or what?
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Old 12-20-2010, 07:47 PM
 
Location: California
28,648 posts, read 28,823,172 times
Reputation: 23478
If you can afford to move and still pay your portion of the rent then break up now. If not, suck it up and consider it a life lesson (the lesson being don't sign a lease with a bf). You aren't the first person this has happened to and you won't be the last.
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Old 12-20-2010, 07:55 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 14,065,188 times
Reputation: 7976
How much is the penalty to break the lease or isn't it possible to just change the lease to his name?
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Old 12-20-2010, 07:59 PM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,886 posts, read 11,856,815 times
Reputation: 15194
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjohnson4381 View Post
we won't get out of the lease until the beginning of November, 2011. So, I'm pretty much stuck in this apartment with him until then. Should I wait to break up with him until then or what?
That's almost a whole year of waiting to break up with someone! Jesus....

I'd say either come up with the money it will cost to break the lease, or learn to fall in love with him again somehow.

If one of you got a job that might help the situation.

You won't last faking it a whole year, I can tell you that!
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Denver
682 posts, read 1,715,943 times
Reputation: 336
Hmm...those are good questions. I actually can't afford to do much of anything right now, because I don't have a job. I walked away from a decent job in Arkansas to be with him. But, once I do get a job, I will definitely try to figure out what the penalty for breaking the lease is. I don't know how he'd feel about paying all the rent himself, though, because he's also jobless.

Maybe this is a life lesson. Maybe I should just suck it up and stay with him because I'm almost 30 and I don't know if I have many more chances left. Even though I hate having to be the one who always apologizes, even when I think he's the one who made the mistake.
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Denver
682 posts, read 1,715,943 times
Reputation: 336
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
That's almost a whole year of waiting to break up with someone! Jesus....

I'd say either come up with the money it will cost to break the lease, or learn to fall in love with him again somehow.

If one of you got a job that might help the situation.

You won't last faking it a whole year, I can tell you that!
Hah...yeah, I think you're probably right. We'll definitely have to have some discussions or something.
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:05 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 14,065,188 times
Reputation: 7976
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjohnson4381 View Post
Hmm...those are good questions. I actually can't afford to do much of anything right now, because I don't have a job. I walked away from a decent job in Arkansas to be with him. But, once I do get a job, I will definitely try to figure out what the penalty for breaking the lease is. I don't know how he'd feel about paying all the rent himself, though, because he's also jobless.

Maybe this is a life lesson. Maybe I should just suck it up and stay with him because I'm almost 30 and I don't know if I have many more chances left. Even though I hate having to be the one who always apologizes, even when I think he's the one who made the mistake.
If you really feel that he is the wrong man for you, the age shouldn't matter. Just because you are 30 doesn't mean you have to settle and suffer for the rest of your life with someone who is not compatible with you.
Just sit him down, tell him what's on your mind and come up with the plan.
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:14 PM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,886 posts, read 11,856,815 times
Reputation: 15194
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
If you really feel that he is the wrong man for you, the age shouldn't matter. Just because you are 30 doesn't mean you have to settle and suffer for the rest of your life with someone who is not compatible with you.
That's definitely true.


I did have a similar experience, the first time I really moved away with a bf, I was 21yrs old, and neither of us had jobs at first, and it was really stressful...the whole situation. But then we both found jobs and it wasn't quite as bad, and we weren't both stuck in the house together with no lives...

We did break up later on, but it was an experience, as most of life tends to be...

I think the whole moving thing can be pretty scary, especially if you start questioning the relationship....Best thing to do is try to find a job and save enough money to do whatever you feel is best when that time calls for action.
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:20 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 14,065,188 times
Reputation: 7976
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
That's definitely true.


I did have a similar experience, the first time I really moved away with a bf, I was 21yrs old, and neither of us had jobs at first, and it was really stressful...the whole situation. But then we both found jobs and it wasn't quite as bad, and we weren't both stuck in the house together with no lives...

We did break up later on, but it was an experience, as most of life tends to be...

I think the whole moving thing can be pretty scary, especially if you start questioning the relationship....Best thing to do is try to find a job and save enough money to do whatever you feel is best when that time calls for action.
Moving in together in general is a risky business. It's a big adjustment and many are not prepared for it, but moving to a different city, that's a huge deal! A couple really has to know each other well and be together for awhile.
However, if OP didn't do it, she would never know and would suffer with "what ifs". Sometimes it's good to take risks in life, you never know how things may turn out. It didn't work out in her favor this time, but she shouldn't give up on taking chances.
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:22 PM
 
Location: Denver
682 posts, read 1,715,943 times
Reputation: 336
Yeah, I agree. I should worry about getting a job first. I'm honestly a bit depressed right now and that might be a big part of the reason he's getting on my nerves so much lately. Maybe. I'll just focus on getting a job for now, and keep my distance from him when things start getting tense.
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