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How do you people give yourself a pat on the back? I can never do it to myself. I never feel like I do good enough at anything and always feel like I could have done much better at something. For example, when I work (construction) I usually work almost 2 hours more than I should because I feel like I didn't do anything, but everyone else tells me that I work my ass off and to join them at the bar and have a drink after wards. I hardly ever join them to go to the bar (on weekdays at least) because I much rather go to the gym and workout and release more stress than go to the bar and get drunk or coked up with "the guys".
When I get out the gym, I never feel satisfied either. If I try and talk to a girl in the street and I'm nice and cordial, and everything seems fine, I always over analyze and criticize my every action and feel like I was too nervous, too creepy or something, when I know I really wasn't (maybe nervous but never creepy). Anything I do, I never feel like I did good at. Even if I have sex with a lady, and she tells me it was wonderful, in my head I feel like I could have have done better. When I'm training in kickboxing classes, no matter how much the instructor tells me I've improved, I feel like I didn't do jack.
I never feel like I accomplish something, I always feel "stuck" and that I can do much better. At heart I would say I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to myself, I put up high standards when it comes to certain things for me to do. I would also say its simply the fact that I never really have any moral support from many of my friends or family, and everyone never seems to support me so I try extra hard at everything I do to try and find satisfaction within and for myself. My upbringing as well I can say its the issue since I was expected to handle many responsibilities at a young age and there was a lot of expectations that I sort of failed at for my family. I'm also not very happy with where I am at in life right now.
I want to be able to just tell myself "RELAX" and pat myself on the back, and give myself some props for SOMETHING. I'm just afraid that if I give myself too much credit, that I'll start to slack and not perform as well as I should.
How do you give yourself a good pat on the back and feel at least good with something you have done? I'm just trying find that good balance within appreciating myself.
I'm not being flip. Have you tried therapy? Talking to a professional for a few weeks may just clear things up or get you pointed in the right direction.
I was the same way until I realized it stemmed from dear old dad's lousy parenting skills.
That's sort of the issue. My father really wasn't in my life but when he was (or rather visited out of the blue twice a year), he made me feel like the lousiest person in the world and treated me horribly (no exaggeration). So my mother forced me to be the "man of the house" at a very, very young age (she enforced this title on me at about 6 years of age). So I started doing a lot of hard work for a child like sending me to do like over 100 dollars worth of worth of groceries by myself (I always got assistance in some way though from a friend), and I started doing laundry at 8. I basically had a TON of responsibility at a young age and she was never satisfied with my work. I was like a Cinderella. I got my first official job at 13 and I was always bitched at for not having enough money, and she married some a-hole who was much worst than my father.
I was also expected to be the "money machine" for my family. Everyone expected me to be so much more successful and since I'm not, I constantly get mocked and I've been told that they are very disappointed in me.
So that's why I can never be satisfied with something since I'm not used to being congratulated on my work.
You need to learn how to congratulate yourself. Validation from within is vital to overcoming the bad programming one receives from dysfunctional parents.
That's sort of the issue. My father really wasn't in my life but when he was (or rather visited out of the blue twice a year), he made me feel like the lousiest person in the world and treated me horribly (no exaggeration). So my mother forced me to be the "man of the house" at a very, very young age (she enforced this title on me at about 6 years of age). So I started doing a lot of hard work for a child like sending me to do like over 100 dollars worth of worth of groceries by myself (I always got assistance in some way though from a friend), and I started doing laundry at 8. I basically had a TON of responsibility at a young age and she was never satisfied with my work. I was like a Cinderella. I got my first official job at 13 and I was always bitched at for not having enough money, and she married some a-hole who was much worst than my father.
I was also expected to be the "money machine" for my family. Everyone expected me to be so much more successful and since I'm not, I constantly get mocked and I've been told that they are very disappointed in me.
So that's why I can never be satisfied with something since I'm not used to being congratulated on my work.
Well you seem to understand the psycho reasons behind it. That is a great start. Now you have to find the will power within yourself to break the chain and make yourself what you want to be, not what others wanted/want. It can be done, I grew up in a household with anger issues, you know, the parents that you would hear screaming at each other down the block , fighting over stupid s***. I didn't turn out like that, in fact it made me more determined not to be like that so kids don't always turn out like their parents or environment.
I understand being self critical, I am that way on guitar. I advance a little and I see someone else do something that makes me feel like a pimple on their arse. But there are times that I even realize, cool, that was good. Some of the greatest solos or songs were made up on the fly and to go back to try to make it *better* would ruin it. So if you get complimented take in genuinely and use it as a measure to what you did was worth it to that point.
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But there are times that I even realize, cool, that was good. Some of the greatest solos or songs were made up on the fly and to go back to try to make it *better* would ruin it. So if you get complimented take in genuinely and use it as a measure to what you did was worth it to that point.
