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A lot of people say that, I think because they want to believe it, but it isn't true. There is not always someone for everyone.
I do believe that, but many people don't put themselves in a place to find them, which is why I sent Knight to the SCA--there are more likely to be likeminded people there. I go to contra dancing and there are many unique and eccentric people there and maybe half of the married couples met there. If you totally stay home all the time or only go from home to work to home again, then you are much less likely to meet someone. Or if you're a bookworm, but you go to a bar to meet people, you might be able to pick someone up but they're less likely to be relationship material.
"The Disc's greatest lovers were undoubtedly Mellius and Gretelina whose pure, passionate and soul-searing affair would have scorched the pages of history if they had not, because of some unexplained quirk of fate, been born two hundred years apart on different continents. However the gods took pity on them and turned him into an ironing board* and her into a small brass bollard."
*When you're a god you don't have to have reasons.
-From Mort by Terry Pratchett
I do believe that, but many people don't put themselves in a place to find them, which is why I sent Knight to the SCA--there are more likely to be likeminded people there. I go to contra dancing and there are many unique and eccentric people there and maybe half of the married couples met there. If you totally stay home all the time or only go from home to work to home again, then you are much less likely to meet someone. Or if you're a bookworm, but you go to a bar to meet people, you might be able to pick someone up but they're less likely to be relationship material.
Thanks again for the helpful info about the SCA stepka!
OK..plan B. Understanding the differences between male and female ideology vastly helps.
A book I really like is called Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes. It's by a married couple the Peases. This one's their primer. In other books they explain the importance of dress, body language, communication, presentation. Even smiling!
Thanks for the help reference optiflex -- the e-book you had recommended does indeed look interesting...I just might purchase a copy to download and review...
No, not looking for pity...help and advice is of course, always appreciated!
Where do you live? Take up dance. A partner dance. You'll not only learn to do something that women love and in so doing, meet a lot of girls, you'll learn a lot about girls too. I learned more about women in 2 years of dancing with them than by 20 years of trying to date them. My attitudes about women flipped on its head after I learned to dance with women.
Dancing will also build confidence. You'll interact with a lot of girls on a very intimate way (there are only 3 activities that can be done without all of the senses except for the sense of touch: dance, massage, and sex - coincidence that massage and dance is sexy? I think not.) and that will positively affect how you approach girls. You'll get a lot of experience asking for dances, and in handling rejection without getting your feelings hurt. You'll make a lot of friends. Your posture will improve and your physical presence will improve. You'll get better looking. You'll be exposed to more fashionable people and in turn your fashion sense will improve. The list of positives goes on and on.
Oh, and it's fun.
I recommend the latin dances like salsa or merengue. Or swing. Maybe country like two-step or polka. Whatever is popular in your region. That will serve you well. But salsa is the most popular partner dance in the world. If you travel, you'll be able to dance it just about everywhere.
Another bit of advice (regarding shyness) is to compliment women a lot. Start with older women or women you aren't interested in. That Latin girl behind the checkout counter. Compliment her on her necklace. That old neighbor. When you meet her while getting the mail, compliment her on her hair. Their reaction will open up the doors to recognizing that women are just as human as you and me. Then move on to girls you do find attractive. When you meet that cute girl in the elevator, compliment that her on her shoes. She'll delight in your compliment. And she'll become just a little bit more approachable. Who knows. It might even open up a conversation. All you need to start is a simple easy to say compliment. The more ready you are to compliment beautiful women, the easier time you'll have interacting with them and the less shy you'll find yourself when you really do find someone you want to get to know.
Unlike some clergy and certain other persons who are by their own free will, "voluntarily celibate" -- what are people who are "involuntarily celibate", supposed to do to be happy in life?
In other words (see above link for more info), what are those to do, who through no fault of their own, are not romantically appealing to *anyone*, for various reasons? People who have no realistic chance or opportunity at all, of ever having a real relationship, being loved romantically, or getting married?
When you think about it for a while, it does seem rather depressing and unfortunate, to be in that kind of situation...
Apparently its been noted that i seem weird to ANY females i approach properly, like i am some kind of creeper. When it is found out i have never had relations, i am practically shunned and teased by males and females alike. Aside from suffering from depression, abuse from customers at work and from my parents at home, it is overwhelming. Every day i feel less than dirt. On other forums here, people have suggested i date men instead, suggesting i have closet issues. I am a straight man. I am attracted to women.
Apparently its been noted that i seem weird to ANY females i approach properly, like i am some kind of creeper. When it is found out i have never had relations, i am practically shunned and teased by males and females alike. Aside from suffering from depression, abuse from customers at work and from my parents at home, it is overwhelming. Every day i feel less than dirt. On other forums here, people have suggested i date men instead, suggesting i have closet issues. I am a straight man. I am attracted to women.
I am truly very sorry that you are feeling so depressed I have been there myself in the past, and can definitely realted to what you are feeling. If you ever need someone to talk to, I would be more than happy to listen, please feel free to write me any time...above all, please don't give up, my friend! All you really need to do is to find just one genuinely nice, caring, affectionate girl (I will DM you in a few minutes with what worked well for me, in my case; please stand by...)
While you don't technically fit the definition of an involuntary celibate, I don't doubt that the feeling is very similar.
I consider myself an involuntary celibate some of the time. I believe there are degrees of involuntary celibacy. While I'm not nearly as unlucky as some, I have gone for years at a time without any intimacy.
As callous as a few people on here have been, I believe there is some truth to what they say. And in the end, they may end up helping you more than others. As for anybody who says, "There is somebody out there for everybody.", I have no doubt that they believe that. But I'd have to respectfully say that they are incorrect. There are clearly winners and losers in this game.
I think there comes a point where you have to honestly ask yourself, "How much am I willing to change in order to adapt to this game?" Do you stick to your guns and wait for that person who may or may not exist? Or do I compromise my beliefs a little? It's a gamble. It always is.
As men, we have plenty of historical advantages over women. But unfortunately, there is one area in which we don't have the advantage. And that area is the ability to never change and still have our choice of women. Unfortunately, reality doesn't work that way. Unless something drastic happens, women will usually (though not always) have the luxury of not having to change anything about themselves and they will still be pursued by men. That's just the way it is.
I think the person who mentioned "dancing" is correct. Men who know how to dance have a tremendous advantage over those who don't. I should know, because I don't dance. And I refuse to learn how to dance simply to attract women. That puts me at a disadvantage. It's a gamble, on my part.
Ultimately, what it boils down to is this. When it's all said and done, will you be able to look back on your life and say that you did your best with what you had? And will you be able to accept the consequenses of not compromising your beliefs? If the answer to both of those is "yes", then I think you're worthy of respect regardless of what women feel about you.
Not everyone will win at this game. But sometimes, it's more admirable not to play the game at all. No doubt, some people on here will see my advice as a cop out. And that's perfectly okay, because that's their problem; not mine or yours. The solution to your problem (and mine) is being able to accept reality as it is, and to accept yourself as you are and to be proud that you didn't compromise if you really didn't want to. On the other hand, you may find that once you have accepted reality as it is; you may decide that you can compromise. And that's okay too.
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A Friendly Dose Of Reality
