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Old 12-23-2010, 10:21 AM
 
6,046 posts, read 9,752,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
But keep in mind that a lot of these nice guys are having difficulty dating precisely because of things they're doing. They may think they're doing everything right, but a lot of times they're not. For example, you'll sometimes see a nice guy going out of his way to make a woman feel special, showering her with gifts and attention, basically putting her on a pedestal. Well a lot of women will actually be turned off by that. So if she rejects the man, you can't necessarily dismiss that as bad luck. In this case, the man actually did get what he deserved. He came on too strong and appeared too needy and it backfired.
But if the females never give them a chance, how are they supposed to learn? People say it's a bad thing to be desperate. But if you keep failing, of course you're going to be desperate. It's a vicious cycle. No one wants them because they're desperate, and they're desperate because no one wants them.

What I'm saying is this: Females should at least give them a chance. They need someone to show them the ropes so they know what works and what doesn't.

Through failure and growing up, I've learned some things that don't work. But I'm still not quite sure what works.
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:23 AM
 
Location: in my imagination
11,047 posts, read 18,135,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
They can. But just because something can happen doesn't mean it actually will. Even if they try, they might not get what they want.

Here's an example: People can win the lottery. It's a possibility. But does that mean it will actually happen? Not likely.

No it it is not guaranteed. But focus and effort usually brings some measure of success. It is a simple formula, know what will make you happy, take inventory of your good points and bad points and use or adjust accordingly and go for your destination.

What do want? Wealth? Hot women? Love? Marriage and kids? Good looks? All of those can be had , maybe not all together but all can be had

The only thing that cannot usually be had is security, just because you got it doesn't mean you always will.
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:26 AM
 
6,046 posts, read 9,752,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
No it it is not guaranteed. But focus and effort usually brings some measure of success. It is a simple formula, know what will make you happy, take inventory of your good points and bad points and use or adjust accordingly and go for your destination.

What do want? Wealth? Hot women? Love? Marriage and kids? Good looks? All of those can be had , maybe not all together but all can be had

The only thing that cannot usually be had is security, just because you got it doesn't mean you always will.
Certainly don't want that.
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:28 AM
 
Location: in my imagination
11,047 posts, read 18,135,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
I read them. In fact, I posted in 1 of them. I read what they said, but I still think nice guys deserve more.

Really? Look around. Are the only guys who have a girlfriend or wife the bad guys? Or are you only wanting the women that want the badboy to want you?
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:30 AM
 
6,046 posts, read 9,752,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
Really? Look around. Are the only guys who have a girlfriend or wife the bad guys? Or are you only wanting the women that want the badboy to want you?
Now you're bringing another thread into this. No, the bad guys aren't the only people with girlfriends. But nice guys struggle more than bad guys.
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:30 AM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,250,001 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
But if the females never give them a chance, how are they supposed to learn? People say it's a bad thing to be desperate. But if you keep failing, of course you're going to be desperate. It's a vicious cycle. No one wants them because they're desperate, and they're desperate because no one wants them.
It doesn't have to be a vicious cycle if you don't let it. Most people learn from their failures. They discover what works, what doesn't and apply those lessons so that the next time they meet someone, they don't repeat what happened before. Dating requires a lot of trial and error. No one has it mastered right out of the gate. Yes, you can't learn if no one gives you a chance. That's sort of like saying you can't get work experience cause no one will hire you. But failing doesn't have to lead to desperation. It really depends on how bad you want something and whether you really need it. I could be unemployed and get rejected over and over. Eventually, I'll become desperate, but only because I need a job to pay my bills. But if I go hit on every woman I see and get rejected, I won't become desperate. Why? Because I know that my life will be fine if I'm still single. I want someone in my life, but I don't need them.
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:43 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,371 posts, read 12,344,064 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
What cra*p.

You think young girls in Thailand who are sold into prostitution is fair? Or children born with defects like cleft palates in a third world country with no surgery is fair? Or the myriad of other awful things that happen to perfectly innocent people is fair?

There is no order in the universe, or have you not heard of the chaos theory? Maybe some more reading is in order for you because you clearly don't have a grip on physics, astronomy and a few other sciences.

And I have to address your ridiculous 'divine order' statement. Nice god that dictates the horrible conditions in third world countries
In the world of nighthouse and most other US Christians, these things (and "divine order") are indeed fair thanks to the "divine doctrine" known as Manifest Destiny. Manifest Destiny is at the heart of Christianity... horrible conditions exist in third world countries because they have not yet accepted being ruled by us and our White Western God. "We" are destined to rule the planet; various brown peoples are nothing more than pawns who need to get on board. Ask any missionary who will provide clean water in exchange for christian obedience.
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,311 posts, read 49,920,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
As for the nice guys that don't have luck with dating...

That's an example of when people don't get what they deserve.

They do it the right way. They're the good guys. They deserve to have success with dating. Why do they get the short end of the stick?
Most people who think they are nice guys really aren't. Or they do the whole 'nice guy' act to compensate for some inadequacy or insecurity.
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Old 12-23-2010, 10:57 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,296,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
But if the females never give them a chance, how are they supposed to learn? People say it's a bad thing to be desperate. But if you keep failing, of course you're going to be desperate. It's a vicious cycle. No one wants them because they're desperate, and they're desperate because no one wants them.

What I'm saying is this: Females should at least give them a chance. They need someone to show them the ropes so they know what works and what doesn't.

Through failure and growing up, I've learned some things that don't work. But I'm still not quite sure what works.
Why should they? Seriously?

If a guy is so supremely clueless about human interaction that he can't get rolling on a relationship, then why should a woman invest time with him?
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Old 12-23-2010, 11:03 AM
 
11,987 posts, read 10,706,148 times
Reputation: 9899
I don't believe the world is just, but I do believe that happiness and contentment isn't determined so much by what happens to you than by how you respond to it. Some people manage to thrive despite bad fortune and setbacks. Others complain miserably about their lot in life, even if they have it better than most. There's a lot to be said for accepting one's fate with a certain amount of grace. Perhaps people get what they deserve when it comes to their mental and emotional states?
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