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Old 12-22-2010, 04:20 PM
 
29 posts, read 18,624 times
Reputation: 69
I feel as you do. Hasn't gotten me anywhere as far as romance is concerned though.

Personally, I can't even be interested in someone who I don't know at least somewhat decently well. That's a problem, a big one. It drastically narrows my range of options from which to choose. I never approach women. Why would I? Oh, she has a pretty face, a nice ass, and maybe I heard her say something funny or intelligent...guess that means I should go ask her out! No thanks. Or maybe I know her a little better than that, but still not enough to have a "real" (real to me) interest in her, so I won't ask her out. That's been my attitude so far anyway. And on the rare occasion I've been asked out, it's been by girls I barely knew at all, who just thought I was cute or funny. I had never had a real conversation with them. And so I declined.

In MY ideal world, I'd have some good female friends and a decent circle of casual female friends/acquaintances, the former whom I already love and care about very much seeing as they're good friends, and the latter who I may not be the best of friends with, but still know well enough to be interested or uninterested in dating. Well, it's not an ideal world. I have one good female friend. She isn't interested in me romantically. I only have a few casual friends/good acquaintances that are female and with them I don't think there's any interest from either of us. It's more difficult to meet, get to know, and maintain friendships with the opposite sex, imo than it is with the same sex. Heck, a lot of people only see the opposite sex in a romantic way anyway and so for them it'll be dating or nothing, eliminating the chance to even get to know them without dating.

And so there's the dilemma. In an ideal world, I'd only date friends, since that's what makes sense to me and I'd be founding a relationship on something substantial and my interest would be deep or at least moderate instead of shallow (as opposed to the shallow interest I'd have for someone I barely know). You sound like you might be the same way. Unfortunately for us, it isn't an ideal world. The way dating is, however stupid it may be, is the way it is, and while there might be the fortunate few who happen to fall in love with a friend and their friend with them, most people are going to meet their future mate by initially dating someone they don't know all that well or even just met 5 minutes ago. So I guess the best strategy might be to give in to the whole dating scheme, while still being open to getting to know someone your way when the option presents itself. But if you don't ever date the way most people do, you might end up being alone.

Your whole "if things are met to be" comment I don't agree with since it suggests a god or some fate force arranging our lives. If it's met to be, it's because you pursued the possibility of it and it worked out, not because it landed in your lap. If you want a mate, maybe next time ask out that person you like.
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:23 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
12,782 posts, read 8,710,134 times
Reputation: 8376
Has nobody ever been on a date for the purpose of meeting a new friend?

Or maybe there was no romantic spark from either of you in the beginning and you decided to just be friends and something developed from that later?
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:26 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
12,782 posts, read 8,710,134 times
Reputation: 8376
Quote:
Originally Posted by trekfan View Post
And on the rare occasion I've been asked out, it's been by girls I barely knew at all, who just thought I was cute or funny. I had never had a real conversation with them. And so I declined.
Do you think you could accept an invitation to go out with a female that you didn't initiate ever?

Maybe you meet someone new and become great friends.

Everyone in your circle of friends don't have to be your friends because they came attached to someone else.

You can also take the initiative to extend your friendships by meeting people with zero intention of having a romantic relationship but to simply meet new people and initiate a friendship.
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:31 PM
 
9 posts, read 2,009 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
If a date feels like an interview to you then maybe the person you're dating doesn't have dating skills.
That would be a plus because having 'dating skills' is not something that appeals to me
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:35 PM
 
9 posts, read 2,009 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
So you don't want to put in the work to decide if you want to spend time with them?

Not if "the work" involves going on a date
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:39 PM
 
6,525 posts, read 3,653,846 times
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I don't really date since I don't have time. Plus I don't want to stay where I live anyway so as much as I'd like to have company once in awhile I don't need distractions to my getting out of here.
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Queens THE REAL international city
2,081 posts, read 2,953,805 times
Reputation: 2070
I understand what you're saying and agree to an extent. Personally, I like dating someone I KNOW. I've been on dates where I don't really know the person and it just feels so orchestrated and I agree, it does feel like an interview because all you're doing is asking each other : "So, what do you do? For fun, for work?", "What are you looking for in life?" etc. I rather form a friendship or bond with someone than go on a date. Because at least I know and feel secured that we'll be comfortable and have more fun with each other and don't have to worry about feeling weird and can be ourselves.

I don't like going out with someone I don't know, and if I act or do something a certain way, I'll have to worry about how they'll act.

To each his/her own but I much rather get to know someone then go on a date, than not knowing someone and only hanging out for 2-3 hours asking questions about what this or that person does.

So to answer your question, I LOVE, LOVE dating if its with someone I know and have a bond with. I don't hate dating since I only date with a lady I know and never again will I go on a date/interview with someone I met once or know just through the internet and want to have a bite to eat.
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:45 PM
 
29 posts, read 18,624 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
Do you think you could accept an invitation to go out with a female that you didn't initiate ever?

Maybe you meet someone new and become great friends.

Everyone in your circle of friends don't have to be your friends because they came attached to someone else.

You can also take the initiative to extend your friendships by meeting people with zero intention of having a romantic relationship but to simply meet new people and initiate a friendship.
Nowadays I'd probably accept an invitation to go on a date with a women I didn't know, though I haven't in the past. Nothing to lose I guess. Though I still wouldn't ask out or even approach with the intention of just conversing a women out of some shallow interest in her. And I've only been asked out a few times, plus I think it's probably rare for girls to do the asking in the first place. So basically, either I'll get lucky with a friend or I'll have to get over my hate of dating and start asking girls out due to some superficial interest in them...not sure I'll ever want to do that though, though it sucks being alone of course, so we'll see what happens.
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
8,986 posts, read 4,647,040 times
Reputation: 12632
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lital_The_Best View Post
I understand what you're saying and agree to an extent. Personally, I like dating someone I KNOW. I've been on dates where I don't really know the person and it just feels so orchestrated and I agree, it does feel like an interview because all you're doing is asking each other : "So, what do you do? For fun, for work?", "What are you looking for in life?" etc. I rather form a friendship or bond with someone than go on a date. Because at least I know and feel secured that we'll be comfortable and have more fun with each other and don't have to worry about feeling weird and can be ourselves.

I don't like going out with someone I don't know, and if I act or do something a certain way, I'll have to worry about how they'll act.

To each his/her own but I much rather get to know someone then go on a date, than not knowing someone and only hanging out for 2-3 hours asking questions about what this or that person does.
But when making a friend you ask all those same questions anyway? I never considered it an interview.... it's getting to know someone.
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:52 PM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,522,443 times
Reputation: 1380
Quote:
Originally Posted by Small Feather View Post
I hate dating and I won't do it. It feels contrived. In fact, that's exactly what it is. I cannot distinguish between an interview and a date. I kind of understand why dating exists but what baffles me is that it is the norm. When did this happen and why?

I should say that even though it is the norm I find it far from normal. I see it as weird. I like to meet and gradually get to know people in what I consider a naturally occurring situation and environment, such as work, family gatherings, hobbies, sports etc (yes, there are really no shortage of opportunities). Conversation feels spontanous and uncontrived, unlike on a date where the person you are talking to seems to have read 'Deirdre's Top Ten Dating Tips for what to say and what not to do blah blah'.

If I have the choice between asking someone I like out on a date or risking never seeing them again, I will always choose the latter without even thinking about it. The reason is that if things are meant to be between us then we will meet again without having to contrive something and, if not, then I will meet someone else. No big deal getting stressed out about someone you do not know well enough to love, no matter how attractive they seem.

Dating to me seems rather desperate. Anyone else hate it?
Yes, dating can be a bit of a pain, like a job interview. It's not desperate. I think that you have to try, if you want things to happen for you.

I don't think you will magically meet again most of the time. But it did happen to me once. I got a number from a girl that was a friend of an acquaintance. We made plans, but neither of us followed up. Then a month later I ran into her and we didn't even live in the same city. We dated for about a year.
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