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I hate dating and I won't do it. It feels contrived. In fact, that's exactly what it is. I cannot distinguish between an interview and a date. I kind of understand why dating exists but what baffles me is that it is the norm. When did this happen and why?
I should say that even though it is the norm I find it far from normal. I see it as weird. I like to meet and gradually get to know people in what I consider a naturally occurring situation and environment, such as work, family gatherings, hobbies, sports etc (yes, there are really no shortage of opportunities). Conversation feels spontanous and uncontrived, unlike on a date where the person you are talking to seems to have read 'Deirdre's Top Ten Dating Tips for what to say and what not to do blah blah'.
If I have the choice between asking someone I like out on a date or risking never seeing them again, I will always choose the latter without even thinking about it. The reason is that if things are meant to be between us then we will meet again without having to contrive something and, if not, then I will meet someone else. No big deal getting stressed out about someone you do not know well enough to love, no matter how attractive they seem.
Dating to me seems rather desperate. Anyone else hate it?
I hate dating and I won't do it. It feels contrived. In fact, that's exactly what it is. I cannot distinguish between an interview and a date. I kind of understand why dating exists but what baffles me is that it is the norm. When did this happen and why?
I should say that even though it is the norm I find it far from normal. I see it as weird. I like to meet and gradually get to know people in what I consider a naturally occurring situation and environment, such as work, family gatherings, hobbies, sports etc (yes, there are really no shortage of opportunities). Conversation feels spontanous and uncontrived, unlike on a date where the person you are talking to seems to have read 'Deirdre's Top Ten Dating Tips for what to say and what not to do blah blah'.
If I have the choice between asking someone I like out on a date or risking never seeing them again, I will always choose the latter without even thinking about it. The reason is that if things are meant to be between us then we will meet again without having to contrive something and, if not, then I will meet someone else. No big deal getting stressed out about someone you do not know well enough to love, no matter how attractive they seem.
Dating to me seems rather desperate. Anyone else hate it?
You could always ask your parents to arrange a marriage for you.
It's worked for millions of miserable women everywhere for centuries.
Aside from that, if you don't date then how do you find someone to have a relationship with if that's what you want.
If you don't like dating, then why bother attempting a relationship. It doesn't get easier when you have someone anyhow.
And your analogy:
Quote:
If I have the choice between asking someone I like out on a date or risking never seeing them again, I will always choose the latter without even thinking about it. The reason is that if things are meant to be between us then we will meet again without having to contrive something and, if not, then I will meet someone else. No big deal getting stressed out about someone you do not know well enough to love, no matter how attractive they seem.
(No, things don't just happen miraculously and a relationship spontaneously happens like in a 2 hour movie "because they were meant to be we eventually hooked up". And yes, everyone eventually "meets someone else". Contrived? O.K. So relationships are based on something contrived? Where does that come from? You want "instant perfect boyfriend" or are you willing to put in the work it takes to develop a relationship?)
1. If you are dating someone with half assed enthusiasm, then you're going to receive the same lukewarm attention you give to them.
2. If you are dating someone that isn't for you, then don't go out with them, the more time you spend dating someone wrong for you, you're taking away from someone perfect for you coming into your life.
3. If you have the choice between asking someone out on a date YOU REALLY REALLY LIKE, or risking never seeing them again because you didn't ask them out... Umm.. what's the point of even mentioning it? You DIDN'T ask them out and you REALLY LIKED THEM, and so therefore you didn't gain anything and you didn't risk anything. It's a wash! Neutral. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Why bother mentioning it, because you're not interested in dating. Part of dating is getting to know someone. If you're not interested in getting to know someone to find out if you want to venture the risk of entering into a relationship then what's the point?
You can't be a half-interested DATER. You are either in it to win it, or you're not into it at all. DON'T WASTE THEIR TIME, OR YOURS if you're going to be HALF ASSED into starting a relationship.
Stay at home alone with your fuzzy slippers, a romance novel, and a bottle of wine.
It's worked for millions of miserable women everywhere for centuries.
Small Feather never said she was miserable, only that she hated dating.
I hear you, SF. I'm the same way. Dating seems unnatural and contrived, like an interview.
There's nothing wrong with needing to form a friendship first -- it's just not the commonly accepted way of doing things.
Are you introverted? If so, it's no wonder you feel the way you do. Introverts are vastly outnumbered by extroverts, and dating/socializing doesn't come naturally to innies.
Go on an 'adventure date' where you are both too busy doing an activity together that you don't have time to think about your laundry list of "haves and won't haves".
Rock climbing.
Cooking class.
Wine tasting.
Some kinda lecture.
Take a guided tour of a museum.
Learn how to swim together.
Or, join some groups that volunteer around your community, you're likely to find someone interested in the same things and you can develop a friendship.
If a date feels like an interview to you then maybe the person you're dating doesn't have dating skills.
I still don't agree with the whole... "if i like someone and don't ask them out i'm not missing out on anything cause we'll cross paths eventually or not".
Small Feather never said she was miserable, only that she hated dating.
I hear you, SF. I'm the same way. Dating seems unnatural and contrived, like an interview.
There's nothing wrong with needing to form a friendship first -- it's just not the commonly accepted way of doing things.
I never said she was miserable.
I said arranged marriages have worked for millions of miserable women throughout the centuries. Meaning, if you don't want to date, you can always have Mom or Dad pick out your mate and you can be miserable with the choice they made for you.
I'm not sure what you mean by 'better people'. That's what I hate about dates. You don't know enough about the person to know if you want to spend time alone with them doing some activity that has been contrived by one or both of you. Making the date 'more fun' doesn't change that.
I'm not sure what you mean by 'better people'. That's what I hate about dates. You don't know enough about the person to know if you want to spend time alone with them doing some activity that has been contrived by one or both of you. Making the date 'more fun' doesn't change that.
So you don't want to put in the work to decide if you want to spend time with them?
Quote:
You don't know enough about the person to know if you want to spend time alone with them
Which is the exact purpose of going on a date in the first place.
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