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Old 12-26-2010, 11:36 PM
 
3 posts, read 7,263 times
Reputation: 10
Default Why does he want to know if I love him?

I have a good guy friend. We confide in each other and we are real emotional support for each other. He got divorced a short while ago and made an atrocious decision to impregnate a woman he barely knew immediately after the divorce. They have a beautiful, healthy child.

Well he wrote me a letter recently telling me that he felt really bad about himself and his decisions. He said he felt that there was no hope. I wrote him back really expressing to him that I was here for him and that I really cared and trying to offer as much support and encouragement as I could.

He called recently for the first time since the letter. He asked me if, "Do you love me? Tell me that you don't love me." We have never spoken like that before so it was so unexpected. I kinda scapegoated the question not understanding his motive for asking me that.

I don't want a romantic relationship with him, even though I can admit that I do have romantic feelings for him. I care for him deeply though and these feelings won't go away. I'm starting to feel as though I may have to exit him from my life because of these feelings. It is difficult for me to talk to him like we used to because like I told him, he doesn't know boundaries. He wants to know all about my boyfriend, and whether or not we have sex and what he gave me for Christmas. I ask him what he wants from me and he says good friendship. Should I end the 'friendship?' My feelings for him are much deeper than I realized.
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Old 12-27-2010, 12:33 PM
 
4,384 posts, read 1,828,183 times
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I think it's a difficult situation. I would advise you keep your distance, but don't end the friendship wholly. I think it's unfair to your present boyfriend, since you have feelings for your friend as well.
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Old 12-27-2010, 12:38 PM
 
Location: So Cal
23,886 posts, read 17,630,809 times
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Why don't you just put it out there with him, either commit to being just a friend or more.

Try to actually talk to him about it.

Not trying to be smarty pants.
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Old 12-27-2010, 07:35 PM
 
1,496 posts, read 1,257,265 times
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You should decide soon. My advice: Do not contact him again, you have to give up this special friend.
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Old 12-27-2010, 07:51 PM
 
1,595 posts, read 1,070,684 times
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Quote:
He got divorced a short while ago and made an atrocious decision to impregnate a woman he barely knew immediately after the divorce. They have a beautiful, healthy child
.

He made the decision as in it wasn't a mistake to impregnate her? You might want to consider that maybe he wants custody or joint custody/visitation with his child and needs to show he is in a committed relationship or planning to become a couple. I don't know but it just seems strange that he would want more than just friendship now, especially when he knows you are already in a relationship with your now boyfriend, it is something that you might have to consider he could be thinking. It could also be that being divorced he might just be lonely and you are someone he already feels close to. I agree with some others here that it's not fair to your boyfriend if you continue to stay in contact with this special friend.
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Old 12-28-2010, 01:02 AM
 
1,206 posts, read 1,328,554 times
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lol you have a boyfriend? do you love him? I dont get it, it sounds like you love two people at once...

I think its better not to get into a relationship with this guy. You obviously have significant doubts about him...

Since you can't control your feelings you should probably end the relationship. Other wise your gonna end up with no boyfriend and no friend either.
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Old 12-28-2010, 01:46 AM
 
11,001 posts, read 6,825,636 times
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Why would he want to know if you love him? Is he that desperate for affection that he is just cutting to the chase and asking all his friends if anybody loves him? How weird..

Also it strikes me as odd that he asked you if you loved him, and not if you were in love with him. I mean, you do love him right? As much as you love say... your other best friends? But was he asking if you were in love with him, in reality? That kind of question shouldn't be asked of anyone who is not someone's exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend. I think he overstepped his boundaries.
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Old 12-28-2010, 03:46 AM
 
142 posts, read 122,102 times
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Be careful, you could lose your boyfriend over this. My advice is to let the friend go, as gently and as sensitively as you can...
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Old 12-28-2010, 09:16 PM
 
3 posts, read 7,263 times
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I tried to let the friend go but he is like a pitbull. He says that he will NEVER let me go. I told him that I am thinking about taking a job in another city and he told me that I can't because I can't leave him. It's like he wants it both ways - to live his life and have me waiting in the wings.
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Old 12-30-2010, 11:02 AM
 
1,206 posts, read 1,328,554 times
Reputation: 1105
^ Hes definitely trying to play you, Look at his history wow. He wants his cake and to eat it too (i dunno if i said that right). I think this is pretty slimy of him. He wants to try to be a player (some guys aspire to be this believe it or not).

I would even consider filing a restraining order, or changing phonenumbers/screennames at least. I know it sounds drastic but hes obviously very committed to trying to mess with you. Hes not the type of person you want to date trust me. Hes also probably lying. He only sees you as a conquest and someone to play.

def. stay away from him unless you want to end up like his exes.
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