20 yr younger woman trying to move in with senior terminally ill father (movies, boyfriend)

[paganmama80]

Originally Posted by stepka

I've seen this happen often enough that I know there's not a thing you can do about it except to suck it up. He may have plenty of family but he doesn't get the kind of attn from them that he does from her and it would be weird if he did but that's the way it is. So, STT had some good advice--it's the best you can do right now. And I'm sorry you're losing your dad and now this stress on top of it. Hang in there.

Actually they can take their father to court and have him declared not mentally fit if they want.

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by paganmama80

Actually they can take their father to court and have him declared not mentally fit if they want.

If he's mentally fit of course they can't and there's been nothing said on this thread to indicate that he's of anything but sound mind. You can't have someone declared mentally unfit just because you don't agree with their choices.

[paganmama80]

Originally Posted by STT Resident

If he's mentally fit of course they can't and there's been nothing said on this thread to indicate that he's of anything but sound mind. You can't have someone declared mentally unfit just because you don't agree with their choices.

Of course not,but given his rashness of decisions they do have a decent shot at it.

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by paganmama80

Of course not,but given his rashness of decisions they do have a decent shot at it.

Don't mean to flog a dead horse but, according to the OP, his father has known the woman for a few months, she is talking to HIM about moving in but he hasn't yet agreed to it so there seems no "rashness of decisions" here whatsoever. If making unwise decisions were a criteria for having someone declared mentally unfit I would have been committed many times over in my life ... as would no doubt a majority of posters on CD!

[Chowhound]

I would try to keep an eye on her and see if she's trying to rip him off.

But that being said, it's his decision who he has in his life. This is assuming he's got all his faculties of course.

[FelixTheCat]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Alterior motives aside, would your father be better off living with her or not? If he'd be better of living with someone why do you care if you're not willing to live with him. He's lonely and she wants a free place to stay. This just might work for both of them.

No he wouldn't be better off. He already has several people (friends, neighbors, church people, relatives) who are a few miles from him. He's got like 20+ people who call or visit from time to time. That may be what keeps her away. With 20 people looking at her, asking about her business being there, she may want to move to the next victim. By not better off, I mean, no one is better off with users in their life.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

No he wouldn't be better off. He already has several people (friends, neighbors, church people, relatives) who are a few miles from him. He's got like 20+ people who call or visit from time to time. That may be what keeps her away. With 20 people looking at her, asking about her business being there, she may want to move to the next victim. By not better off, I mean, no one is better off with users in their life.

Are any of these friends, neighbors and family warming up his bed at night? He may be 65 but he's still a man.

[FelixTheCat]

Originally Posted by STT Resident

If he's mentally fit of course they can't and there's been nothing said on this thread to indicate that he's of anything but sound mind. You can't have someone declared mentally unfit just because you don't agree with their choices.

At this point he's mentally fit, maybe not wise though. But if she moved in and he got sicker, then she's have free run of the place and access to his things (financial papers, valuables) without his knowledge. That is likely to happen in the next year or two.

I would consider moving in at that point.

[PA2UK]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

No he wouldn't be better off. He already has several people (friends, neighbors, church people, relatives) who are a few miles from him. He's got like 20+ people who call or visit from time to time.

That's great but it's not the same thing as having someone live with you, someone who is constantly there, someone you can really share your life with. I'm not saying you should be okay with freeloaders but obviously, whether you like it or not, she is offering him something he needs or wants, something that even 20+ people who call or visit "from time to time" don't provide. Visitors are nice... but they are not companions.

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by FelixTheCat

No he wouldn't be better off. He already has several people (friends, neighbors, church people, relatives) who are a few miles from him. He's got like 20+ people who call or visit from time to time. That may be what keeps her away. With 20 people looking at her, asking about her business being there, she may want to move to the next victim. By not better off, I mean, no one is better off with users in their life.

Maybe he wants someone there. Having people miles away is not the same as having someone live with you. Neither is having frequent visitors.

How many hours out of each day, on average, would you say he has company? How many hours per day would he like company?

She may be using him but he'd be using her too and you shouldn't care as long as he's happy. Just what are you worried she'll do?