How Do You Protect Someone Who Doesn't Want To Be Protected? (reason, close)
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I would also suspect something along those lines. If the guy who grabbed her was an especially good tipper, she likely didn't want any interference.
Way off.
I know it's hard for some to believe, but strippers are actually human and are sometimes prey to all the foibles therein. At the same time, there ARE a few things that some of them WON'T do for money.
It's called self-respect.
And there's a difference between having respect for a fellow human and the depersonalization and degradation of that human. He crossed the line, IMO.
When it comes to the point where a dancer slaps a customer's face, at least in my club I can be sure that there's a real problem.
I know it's hard for some to believe, but strippers are actually human and are sometimes prey to all the foibles therein. At the same time, there ARE a few things that some of them WON'T do for money.
It's called self-respect.
And there's a difference between having respect for a fellow human and the depersonalization and degradation of that human. He crossed the line, IMO.
When it comes to the point where a dancer slaps a customer's face, at least in my club I can be sure that there's a real problem.
I can't see how slapping the man's face is the best solution - it would seem that could provoke him to violence also and put herself in a worse situation. The bouncer's role is to handle these guys and if it's not for nicer tips, then I would wonder why she should reject having the bouncer do his job.
Or maybe she likes to let off steam herself by hitting people? Or the drama - the bouncer leading a customer away isn't dramatic enough even though safer for her.
*shrug* If I didn't die from my ex's cooking, this won't kill me either.
Well, one of the things I'm trying to figure out is whether or not she wants to be protected.
When I know that, perhaps my original question will become a moot point.
You're probably right, especially with the minor nature of the offense.
Sometimes it's hard to break old habits...
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Originally Posted by SifuPhil
Well, my concern is that she'll get into the habit of not asking for help when she really needs it - as I've lectured all of the staff and dancers, "Don't call me for drama - call me only for the real thing". Evidently some didn't get that memo...
As for liking her very much? I'd damn well better - as I think I mentioned in one of my posts here she's my work-spouse; we talk, play, plot and plod together, like any good married couple. So I guess that you're leading me to the conclusion that my problem is personal as well as professional? Yes, of course - the problems never come at you one at a time.
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I was getting ready to ask if there is another dynamic at play, when I saw you posted this.
Work-spouse relationships are difficult. I work with my husband and it seems that sometimes lines are crossed unintentionally or at least one of us perceive it as the case. For example, if I ask my husband to get me XYZ information, because that is what I need to do my job, he'll sometimes get all bent out of shape and tells me to stop nagging. Geez, I'm just trying to do my job, it has nothing to do with my reminding him to pick up milk on the way home yesterday.
I think a conversation with her now that things have settled down would be a good idea. Explain that your job at the club includes her protection, whether you're in a relationship or not. On the flip side, objectively speaking, how would you have handled hearing that the same thing happened to another lady there?
I can't see how slapping the man's face is the best solution - it would seem that could provoke him to violence also and put herself in a worse situation. The bouncer's role is to handle these guys and if it's not for nicer tips, then I would wonder why she should reject having the bouncer do his job.
Or maybe she likes to let off steam herself by hitting people? Or the drama - the bouncer leading a customer away isn't dramatic enough even though safer for her.
Well, expressing my viewpoint - the only one I can be sure of, of course - I agree that slapping isn't a good solution. She isn't a "hitter" - we have those and I know the type.
Drama? Well, this particular world is filled with it on a nightly basis, and she does like to hear the latest; knowing her as I do, though, I don't think she's the type to start it.
It's probably like so many other things - it's a combination of a lot of little factors that just fell out of balance for a moment.
That, or I'm totally in the dark about this - which wouldn't be unheard-of when it comes to women.
I was getting ready to ask if there is another dynamic at play, when I saw you posted this.
My apologies - sometimes I tell a story like a zookeeper feeds the lions - in small pieces and with one eye constantly on the exit.
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Work-spouse relationships are difficult. I work with my husband and it seems that sometimes lines are crossed unintentionally or at least one of us perceive it as the case. For example, if I ask my husband to get me XYZ information, because that is what I need to do my job, he'll sometimes get all bent out of shape and tells me to stop nagging. Geez, I'm just trying to do my job, it has nothing to do with my reminding him to pick up milk on the way home yesterday.
I think a conversation with her now that things have settled down would be a good idea. Explain that your job at the club includes her protection, whether you're in a relationship or not. On the flip side, objectively speaking, how would you have handled hearing that the same thing happened to another lady there?
Yes, it isn't easy changing hats on the fly. Even though the relationship can help the work atmosphere, it can certainly also harm it; in this case, I think the atmosphere harms the relationship. It certainly isn't the healthiest place to carry on relationship-building.
How would I have handled it if it were another dancer? I'd be just as angry that she hadn't informed me of it, but I certainly don't think I would have had the...um..."rich spectrum of conflicting emotions" going on.
When we have our little chat tonight I'll be interested in finding out the proportion of personal-to-business explanations.
I know it's hard for some to believe, but strippers are actually human and are sometimes prey to all the foibles therein. At the same time, there ARE a few things that some of them WON'T do for money.
It's called self-respect.
And there's a difference between having respect for a fellow human and the depersonalization and degradation of that human. He crossed the line, IMO.
When it comes to the point where a dancer slaps a customer's face, at least in my club I can be sure that there's a real problem.
Yeah man, you don't ever touch. That's how it used to work and I'm sure it still does. They use to make you sit on your hands when it got up close and personal. Grabbing this girls wrists crossed that line. IMO, she should have pulled out a Kubotan and showed him some manners! I'm sure you know what one is Phil!
Yeah man, you don't ever touch. That's how it used to work and I'm sure it still does. They use to make you sit on your hands when it got up close and personal. Grabbing this girls wrists crossed that line.
Unfortunately the rules here allowing touching - it becomes difficult to enforce when you have to worry about "good touch / bad touch".
When I did floor work at a club in NYC's Times Square back in the 70's it was NO TOUCH - one strike and you're out.
Sometimes I miss those days...
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IMO, she should have pulled out a Kubotan and showed him some manners! I'm sure you know what one is Phil!
I've been collecting them, along with every other weapon I can get my hands on, for about 40 years.
Perhaps she was too embarrassed to ask for help or was so rattled she didn't go to the most reasonable person who would help her....
To answer your question, how do you protect someone who doesn't want to be protected? All you can do is make yourself available...
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I'm sure you know what one is Phil! 
