Why Not Match.com? (Christian, wife, boyfriends, marry)
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And this goes back to my earlier point about meeting people you might not normally meet. When I was in college, I had no trouble meeting people. Everyone around you is the same age and single. But things change when you get older. If I look at my workplace, for example, the majority of people are either too old or too young for me. Of the ones who are my age, some will already be taken, some will just be unattractive, and some might be nice, but totally wrong for me. So it leaves a lot less people to chose from. Now add the time component. An hour in the morning to drive to work, 8-9 hours at the office where, even if there are people like you, there may not be time to really socialize, and then another 1 hour to drive home. Add in things like running errands, hitting the gym, and taking care of kids if you have any and you'll quickly see how little time people actually have to meet someone.
I think that's the big problem for everyone, where do you meet eligible people? It's not like we walk around with signs around our neck declaring our single status.
You factor in going to work and then your daily errands and what it takes to exist, where do find the time as well?
Personally would rather meet someone in person, but in real world experience it doesn't seem to that simple.
However sites like Match just seem to fall short because it feels like you are bidding on ebay or something.
On topic: One of my girlfriends said, she wasn't compatible with the dates. She was matched from match.com. Didn't ask the circumstances around the dates. I guess dating is dating. Online or otherwise.
How your matched depends on the criteria you give them. It's not like eHarmony where they decide who you're compatible with. On Match, that's up for you to decide.
I agree. This whole online dating thing has made people less and less outward in communicating. It's almost making them verbally challenged.
Technology has generated a new generation of socially challenged people
Oh please. This sounds just like what the crotchety old geezers said back when the internet was in its early days. People aren't socially inept because of technology. It has more to do with upbringing and a generation of parents who were told to make their kids feel special and entitled. So now they sit back and expect things to come to them or feel important enough to have their own newsletter (Facebook and Twitter) where they can talk for hours about themselves.
Actually what you said was "I'm having bad luck meeting people in person, just going out and through friends." Going out and hoping that you and the right person will just happen to be in the same place at the same time and meet? That sounds like luck to me. But you're right. Dating is hard, which is why I don't see what's so terrible in trying a different approach in meeting someone.
I never said that luck was not required to meet people in the "real world". I assumed that it was understood. I just wanted to point out that you are still relying on luck when you go online. The most perfect person in the World could be on that particular site, too, but without a bit of luck on your side you may never know.
There is nothing wrong with taking various approaches to meeting people, or trying something new.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
And how is that different than going online? Yes, you have one major compatibility issue resolved, but what about others? What if you don't want kids? Do the people who also don't want kids show up at some event? What if you're looking for someone who's a staunch conservative? Not all of them will be at the rallies.
Well, for one, anyone can create any type of profile they want. A woman with kids can say that she is childless because she knows that she will get more responses this way. Now, why would she lie? Because once she lands you and you see just how wonderful she is, you will look past the fact that she has kids even though you don't want any. At least that is the hope/game.
Yes, chances are that if say, I go to the Middle East (music venue/restaurant) to see a particular band, any woman I may meet will already be in-line with my political, world, and religious views. If you catch my drift. I am not talking about going to a Taylor Swift concert here, but just in that anyone who would like "my" particular music is more-than-likely to be more compatible off the bat.
I don't hang out at bars/clubs/events that attract frat boys/sorority girls, sport fans, suburbanites, "professionals", etc. Granted, that doesn't mean they automatically want to remain child free, but it ups the odds. In fact, I don't go to clubs or other "meat markets". But, the reality is that the particular "type" of woman that I would like date would not be found on an on-line dating site.....outside of CL (and even than in small number).
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Yes, but you're also improving the odds. Going back to the example I gave about not wanting kids, you could question everyone you meet and find out who wants kids and who doesn't. But that would take a while. At least online, you learn that sort of thing up front.
The thing with meeting someone in person is that you get a glimpse of their personality, even if rehearsed. With the online approach, you can just state upfront that you do not want kids, but like I said earlier-someone can still try and game you. Now, why on Earth would someone ask this upfront to a complete stranger is purely odd, so this is something that would come up when things are looking like they are getting serious. If it turns out that they woman you are interested in actually wants kids, well, at least you [hopefully] got some fun out of it in the mean time.
To me, that is a key to why people choose to go online. They can avoid the "headache" of dating/getting to know someone, only to find out that they are not compatible after all. I think they are afraid of getting hurt/let down or feeling like they are wasting their time. Why people are afraid to take that chance is beyond me, but hey, to each their own.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
That's certainly true. But keep in mind people try to sound better than they are when you meet them in real life as well. It's not uncommon for people to have rehearsed answers to certain questions they've heard over and over.
Perhaps, but anyone who "rehearses" their answers are probably desperate to begin with. They will give off other clues, if they are desperate.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
I think what makes people picky is having too many choices. In the real world, a week could go by and you only meet one person that interests you. So you have the option of pursuing something with them or waiting til someone else comes along, even though that might take another week, a month, or longer. But online, you might find 5 people in that same week. So now you can safely reject one person because you still have 4 others to choose from.
True, but paying for it sure doesn't help the situation.
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Originally Posted by PJ8
People cannot just cruise profiles on eH. They can only see the profiles of people with whom eH has matched them.
This was in 2005. Maybe things have changed, but I recall having the ability to view profiles that weren't selected by eH as a "match". Perhaps it only allowed me to view profiles that fell within my "match" without telling me that they were matches, but I remember being able to look at profiles based on location, age, and sex.
I just wanted to point out that you are still relying on luck when you go online. The most perfect person in the World could be on that particular site, too, but without a bit of luck on your side you may never know.
That's true. But in real life, you have to be in the same place at the same time. At least with online dating, the person doesn't have to be online right at that moment.
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
There is nothing wrong with taking various approaches to meeting people, or trying something new.
Which is exactly the point I've been trying to make. But it seems like some people prefer to continue doing the same thing even though it hasn't worked for them in the past. That's why I don't frown on anyone who's willing to try something new.
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
Well, for one, anyone can create any type of profile they want. A woman with kids can say that she is childless because she knows that she will get more responses this way.
Again, how is this different than the real world? You could go to a bar and meet someone. They could pretend to be single even though they're married, they could lie about their age, their occupation, and plenty of other things. So it's not as if dishonesty is limited to the internet.
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
Yes, chances are that if say, I go to the Middle East (music venue/restaurant) to see a particular band, any woman I may meet will already be in-line with my political, world, and religious views. If you catch my drift. I am not talking about going to a Taylor Swift concert here, but just in that anyone who would like "my" particular music is more-than-likely to be more compatible off the bat.
Not all of us make that assumption. I certainly don't infer anything about someone's religion, political beliefs, or views on children based on what music they listen to, where they go to eat, or shop.
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
But, the reality is that the particular "type" of woman that I would like date would not be found on an on-line dating site.....outside of CL (and even than in small number).
CL? Should I assume then that you're just looking for a fling? Cause that's really who that site is intended for.
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
The thing with meeting someone in person is that you get a glimpse of their personality, even if rehearsed. With the online approach, you can just state upfront that you do not want kids, but like I said earlier-someone can still try and game you. Now, why on Earth would someone ask this upfront to a complete stranger is purely odd, so this is something that would come up when things are looking like they are getting serious. If it turns out that they woman you are interested in actually wants kids, well, at least you [hopefully] got some fun out of it in the mean time.
And like I said earlier, people can lie to you in person, not just online. Obviously, you can't ask someone right after meeting them whether they want to have kids. That's one of the disadvantages of meeting someone the old fashioned way. It requires a lot more time. Some of us don't have much free time to begin with between work, long commutes, going to the gym, taking care of kids or parents, etc.
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
To me, that is a key to why people choose to go online. They can avoid the "headache" of dating/getting to know someone, only to find out that they are not compatible after all. I think they are afraid of getting hurt/let down or feeling like they are wasting their time. Why people are afraid to take that chance is beyond me, but hey, to each their own.
Maybe because some of us value our free time. I've seen some of my single friends go on date after date after date only to discover in each case the person just wasn't compatible with them. After a while, that adds up to a lot of time and money. What's so terrible about wanting to cut through all that?
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
Perhaps, but anyone who "rehearses" their answers are probably desperate to begin with. They will give off other clues, if they are desperate.
No, actually it means they've just learned the game. They know the right things to say cause they've learned through trial-and-error what works and doesn't work.
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
True, but paying for it sure doesn't help the situation.
Actually it does. If a woman goes online looking for a long-term partner, she has to sift through all the guys who are just playing games. If he paid, then there's a greater chance he's serious about meeting someone. Same for the guys. He can join POF or CL and discover that most of the women are fake. Or he can sign up a pay site and at least know that a smaller percentage of the women on there are fake.
Okay, we are going to just run in circles here. Everything you and I say can be applied to both methods.
People can use what-ever method they prefer as long as they get the results they want. I am not a fan of on-line dating, but I don't discount the whole experience. Just because I have my opinions shouldn't detract you or anyone else from such a service.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
That's true. But in real life, you have to be in the same place at the same time. At least with online dating, the person doesn't have to be online right at that moment.
True, but someone needs to catch your online profile in time before it is too late (you already found someone, no longer interested in online dating, etc.). Or, perhaps their email got sent to your spam folder.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Which is exactly the point I've been trying to make. But it seems like some people prefer to continue doing the same thing even though it hasn't worked for them in the past. That's why I don't frown on anyone who's willing to try something new.
The "real life" thing has worked out for me just fine. I tried eH way back in the day because I saw the commercials and figured Why not? At that point in time I was interested in meeting someone that did not know someone in my circle of friends. This was in South Minneapolis and I had previously dated three "random" women who, as it turned out each time, new people within my circle of friends. Hence my small Worldcomment early in the day. Turns out the one message I got while on eH was from someone within my circle of friends. Go figure
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Again, how is this different than the real world? You could go to a bar and meet someone. They could pretend to be single even though they're married, they could lie about their age, their occupation, and plenty of other things. So it's not as if dishonesty is limited to the internet.
True, not saying it isn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Not all of us make that assumption. I certainly don't infer anything about someone's religion, political beliefs, or views on children based on what music they listen to, where they go to eat, or shop.
I am being vague on purpose here. I'll put it to you like this: if I meet a girl who listens to Amebix or Crass, it is a safe bet that we would be compatible as long as there was chemistry. And I dislike both bands. At least these days I do.
You are not going to meet too many Conservatives at a poetry slam or Thoreau reading, you dig?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
CL? Should I assume then that you're just looking for a fling? Cause that's really who that site is intended for.
Nope. Neither this nor that. I am not in a hurry to find a relationship, but as I stated in a now defunct forum topic, I wouldn't be opposes to one if it did happen. Here is how the CL thing came about:
A poster mentioned Rants and Raves in another forum. I haven't read Rants and Raves in a few years, so I thought to check it out as it can be quite entertaining. As you may know, R&R is in the personals section of CL. So, I checked that out, too. Saw an ad posted by a girl that seemed interesting, so I responded. She didn't write back, but it seemed easy enough and I figured it could be an interesting experiment. So, I set up my own ad to see what would happen. If something does become of it, cool. I would have no problem with that at all if it works out. I also wouldn't mind if nothing happened, either. Which ever the case, I do not plan to do this again.
But yes, you are correct, it seems to be the perfect medium for a quick hook-up, but, I have a sneaky suspicion that the majority of responses I got are from guys.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
And like I said earlier, people can lie to you in person, not just online. Obviously, you can't ask someone right after meeting them whether they want to have kids. That's one of the disadvantages of meeting someone the old fashioned way. It requires a lot more time. Some of us don't have much free time to begin with between work, long commutes, going to the gym, taking care of kids or parents, etc.
This is not a slam, but if you do not have the time to meet someone, how will you have the time to date them?
And, also, doesn't it take time to write emails, chat on the phone, etc., too?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Maybe because some of us value our free time. I've seen some of my single friends go on date after date after date only to discover in each case the person just wasn't compatible with them. After a while, that adds up to a lot of time and money. What's so terrible about wanting to cut through all that?
Nothing, except the assumption that it is a waste of time and money. Aren't you wasting time and money by paying for membership on one of these sites? Aren't you wasting time and money when you finally do agree to a date and it doesn't work out?
The reality is that it goes both the same way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
No, actually it means they've just learned the game. They know the right things to say cause they've learned through trial-and-error what works and doesn't work.
Exactly, but this goes the same way with online, too.
[quote=DennyCrane;17180470Actually it does. If a woman goes online looking for a long-term partner, she has to sift through all the guys who are just playing games. If he paid, then there's a greater chance he's serious about meeting someone. Same for the guys. He can join POF or CL and discover that most of the women are fake. Or he can sign up a pay site and at least know that a smaller percentage of the women on there are fake.[/QUOTE]Just because "he" paid for the service does not mean that he is a stand-up guy. Nor does it mean the women who pay for it are, either. Con artists will go through great lengths in order to play their game. Paying for membership to a dating site is a small price if it can land them a rich man or woman or someone else they can take advantage of other ways. What better cover than the guise of being a "paying customer"?
You only hear of the success stories because they are news-worthy, and they get people to pay for membership.
"we're official now"? On the third date? What, are you sixteen?
Mr. "The World cannot handle the amount of education that I have," the proper positioning of the comma would be after "you."
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Originally Posted by K-Luv
I dunno, I have had a few "small World" moments in my life, and seen similar occurrences with others that I know, but this seems a bit of a stretch. You meet a girl online in NYC that just happens to be friends with a girl you dated in another country? Wow. That is something straight out of the movies. I am not saying it didn't happen, and it is my word against yours; it just seems a bit fabricated. In particular because of the way it is written.
Well, mr. All-Around Geek, given that you live in a sprawling metropolis whose population barely reaches a whopping 63,000 people, it's only logical and realistic that you would have had your share of "small world" moments. I ask you to understand that for us dishonest folks in the New York City area, these moments happen with less frequency than they'd be likely to transpire in your neck of the woods (Portland is the largest city of Maine - cute.).
So, Geek, I look forward to future posts you write here - I'm already enthralled by your impressive education, as evidenced by your magnificent reading comprehension. I never said I dated Sharon in a foreign country. I said Jenny and Sharon knew each other from days when they were in a foreign country, because (surprise!) that's where they're both from.
I had fine luck on match.com back in the day, to be honest. But I didn't meet my SO there...I actually met him via an online forum (not this one).
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