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Old 12-30-2010, 07:53 AM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,492,511 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshineleith View Post
When you think about it, all they've achieved is picking up someone else's crumbs.
I'm sure that's not how they see it though. It goes back to the concept of a person's market value. If a man is married, then it means at least one woman thought he was a good catch. If he's still single, then it sends the signal that other women have found something wrong with him. Otherwise, he would've already been snatched up by now. I'm not saying I agree with that, just that I can see how other people think in those terms.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
What attracted him to her is now a major problem in their relationship. He liked that she relied on him as he considered his wife (at the time) too self sufficient. Now he has a wife who can't manage anything on her own and he complains to his ex when he picks up the kids about how needy she is
Wow. I can't believe he would actually complain to his ex about that? Does he expect her to offer sympathy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I don't know why people rag on the other person when it's the spouse who is breaking their vow. IMO, the other woman, if she's not in a relationship isn't the one doing the cheating.
They both deserve to be ragged on, but for different reasons. Him for cheating and her for getting in the middle of someone else's marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Wow. I sure wouldn't say that. Frankly most of the men that I know think he traded down.
I'm not a big fan of either, but I actually like Jolie better. I've never found Aniston all that attractive and I really don't care for her personality. She just seems too into herself. At least Jolie is doing things that don't just revolve around her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
There's no way to know your mistress isn't also somebody else's mistress, or won't easily become somebody else's mistress, just like she did yours.
I think anytime a person trades in one partner for another another, it should give the "winner" pause. Think about the men who dump their wives for a younger model. Sure that young trophy wife might feel great. But someday, she won't be young anymore. Then what? Will he dump her too and go find another young girl?
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Old 12-30-2010, 07:53 AM
 
11,000 posts, read 7,194,308 times
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As a woman, it would make me wonder. Then again, that's why I don't date married men. I once did, but he never said he would leave her for me. He simply said he was going to leave her cause he couldn't stand her and there was nothing left to the marriage. According to him, he wasn't even sharing the same bed as she was. So I dated him thinking he was soon going to be available anyway. But he chickened out and didn't get a divorce so then I knew that I was getting nowhere with him and broke it off.

Nowadays I know better than to date someone who is married or otherwise taken, even if he gives me the best sob story in the history of the world. Live and learn.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,318,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Because the man is the one at fault. He is the married one.



I completely agree. If you are married, then it shouldn't matter if people throw motel keys at you all day long. You are either committed to the one you have married, or you aren't.
So. When a women knowingly has an affair with a married man and his marriage ends because of it, she has no culpability?
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,418 posts, read 1,215,785 times
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Karma comes back in weird ways.

I know a man who did not seem to be the "cheating" type at all- but was going through some depression issues, etc. He ran out on his wife and married the "soul mate" who "understood him".
Well, 15 years later they are still married (and appear to be happy together).

But- he is completely dependant on the new woman. He lost his family, the respect of his children, and his manhood in the process. All he has left is the new wife. She constantly tells him what to do...and since all his eggs are in one basket- he does it.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:13 AM
 
11,000 posts, read 7,194,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Dan View Post
So. When a women knowingly has an affair with a married man and his marriage ends because of it, she has no culpability?
But his marriage doesn't end because of her. It ends because he cheated. She is not important in the greater scheme of things. What matters is that he willingly risked his marriage because he didn't think it was important.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,418 posts, read 1,215,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
But his marriage doesn't end because of her. It ends because he cheated. She is not important in the greater scheme of things. What matters is that he willingly risked his marriage because he didn't think it was important.
I agree that the married person is the one who broke promises and is mostly at fault. But I think the "other woman/man" still has some blame there. Kind of like a drug dealer who provides the high. lol
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Middle America
18,137 posts, read 15,621,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andreaspercheron View Post
Wow, nice. LOL The GF doesn't sound smart at all but then again, a lot of women lack self esteem and just decide to live with the crap.
I don't think, in her case, it's a self-esteem thing as much as a mutual using situation...he gets the ego boost and figurative recapturing of the illusion of youth by getting to squire around young arm candy, and she gets a lot of money spent on her, trips around the world, and a Manhattan address without having to buy any of it herself. It's a pretty mercenary situation, all around. Eventually, whether or not marriage occurs, it will end one of two ways - she'll get older and he'll find somebody younger (as this is his MO), or she'll find somebody richer and potentially younger (as is hers). When a relationship is so firmly slanted to the "what's in it for me" aspect of things, there's a shelf life.

However, there could be a self-esteem element at play, too...I've taken the time to get to know her enough to get a little insight into her broken home/ "daddy" issues, and it's not wholly surprising that she's taken up with a dude old enough to be her dad. But I think the sugar daddy pull is more what it's about, in the long run.

Last edited by TabulaRasa; 12-30-2010 at 08:36 AM..
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,078 posts, read 8,857,938 times
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I agree with Vicket but would also like to add now that I'm fully awake LOL that I really believe there are women who seek out married men and it's like a game with them to see how far they can push the guy into either leaving his wife or just about leaving her (i.e., spending every waking moment with the mistress). Some women really do crave this scenario and I don't think for a minute that their initial intention is to love the guy and hope he loves them enough to leave.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:21 AM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,492,511 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Dan View Post
So. When a women knowingly has an affair with a married man and his marriage ends because of it, she has no culpability?
She helped break up the marriage and should be judged for that. Look at John Edwards and that woman he slept with. People judge Edwards pretty harshly and rightfully so. But they also judge her for actively pursuing a man she knew was already married.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Middle America
18,137 posts, read 15,621,234 times
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So many women rationalize it as "Well, the marriage was no good anyway."

So, wait till he exits it, if that's true. If the marriage is good enough that he's not willing to leave it, you're barking up the wrong tree.
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