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Old 12-30-2010, 11:37 AM
Location: Las Vegas
12,348 posts, read 22,261,293 times
Reputation: 20941


We're pretty different. And it's been fun being exposed to other lifestyles and beliefs. We always have something to talk about. We couldn't sleep the other night and ended up perusing the Constitution in bed. Now that looks odd in writing.

We grew up in totally different environments. We lived differently all our adult lives. And we are having a ball exploring all the differences and finding common ground.
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Old 12-30-2010, 12:33 PM
1,206 posts, read 2,289,159 times
Reputation: 1140
yep whether or not opposites attract. Similar is what gives relationship staying power. Means you can enjoy more experiences together and compromise less.
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Old 12-30-2010, 12:36 PM
Location: Middle America
32,999 posts, read 34,691,455 times
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Compatible values are important (or, at least, values that aren't wholly INcompatible), being one another's carbon copy is not. In my mind, if you're with somebody who's a carbon copy, you'll never have the chance to learn from them something you didn't already know, teach them something they didn't already know, and grow together in that way.

My SO and I have core values that are, in various cases, the same, similar, and/or compatible. Our interests are all over the map...we share many, but we branch out in very different ways.

We both love being outdoors...but I'm meditative, and he's active. While I'd rather be sitting in a pretty sculpture garden reading, or stretched out on a beach taking in a sunrise, he'd rather be mountain biking or kayaking. So we do a bit of both, each of us stepping outside of our respective comfort zones.

We are both music lovers and musicians...but he likes classic rock and early punk and plays jazz piano, whereas I am a devotee of gentle folk music and Celtic and other world music, and sing choral masterworks in a chorale. I love to hear him play, and he comes to all my concerts.

We both majored in English...I teach children with special needs, and he works investigating financial fraud.

We are both big readers...but I favor fiction and sociology/social psychology, and he rarely touches something that's not a textbook, reference material, or history or current events-related. We still have dates to the bookstore and library all the time.

We grew up in different worlds, really...He's East Coast, I'm Midwest. He grew up fairly privileged, in an affluent urban area, the son of a corporate attorney and an academic; I grew up rurally, with parents who ran a small business and always struggled financially...his grandmother went to Vassar, mine went to a one-room schoolhouse where her older sister was the schoolmarm. We both value our roots, we both value our familial relationships, have built relationships with one another's families, and chose to live in a midsize city...neither intensely urban nor intensely rural, to have the best of both our worlds.

He's a distance runner, I walk for exercise. I'm an adventurous eater, he's picky. He's a morning person, I'm a night owl. He's a nonreligious lapsed Catholic, I'm a lifelong Lutheran with a strong connection to my faith. I'm a bleeding heart liberal, he's a business-centric libertarian. I never have and never will touch a tobacco product, he's struggled for years with staying off the smokes (mostly successfully since we've been together). We are both talkers, we are both opinionated. We have rousing debates that sometimes get heated. But we always learn from one another, and we never go to bed mad or leave the house mad.

Despite our various differences, the important things and the things that drew us together are that we are both whipsmart, we care fiercely about one another, and we both want nothing more than to navigate the world together.
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Old 12-30-2010, 01:30 PM
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,064 posts, read 6,164,785 times
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Interesting thread. I am amazed (but pleased), that so many people on this thread have almost nothing in common with their spouse, yet it works. Kudos to you! Personally, I can't imagine having political differences with my husband, it would just result in a lot of heated arguments. I can't imagine liking different music, liking different types of movies, etc. TabulaRasa, your post was fascinating. You have little in common, yet your marriage sounds fabulous.

For me, I think having a lot in common is extremely important in a marriage. Just a simple thing like the wife being a morning person and the hubby being a night person would be a huge thing. Marriage is tough enough even when you share a common outlook on 95% of things. For those of you who are making it work with nothing in common, hats off to you.
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Old 12-30-2010, 03:23 PM
Location: Middle America
32,999 posts, read 34,691,455 times
Reputation: 42415
I feel that we actually do have a great deal in common in the large picture sense...we just get there with different supporting details. I also feel like we complement one another well in our differences.
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Old 12-30-2010, 04:04 PM
Location: On Our Boat
6,492 posts, read 14,915,703 times
Reputation: 4070
Well, I was raised on a hog farm in Indiana and wife was raised in a suburb of Detroit. I gave up the farm life when I went into the Navy back in the late 60's. After the Navy, I wound up living in city areas, but getting involved with rodeo in suburbian areas. After leaving Michigan, she kept up her city/suburbs lifestyle. Unless in Vegas, were not "nightowls" at all.......in bed by 10 during the week and no later than 11 on weekends. I'm somewhat of an early bird though, comes from be farm raised and former military. If we have no place to go, I'll let her sleep in.
Right now, since I'm unemployed, I do most of the home cleaning. Vaccum, laundry, wash sheets-make bed, load/run/unload dishwasher and of course the cooking. My mom and dad brought this "old boy" up right......helped dad on the farm and mom "domesticated" me! Since she isn't as "computer cleanliness" as I am, I will run Anti-Virus Updates/Scan and Defrag.
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Old 12-30-2010, 07:59 PM
Location: San Antonio, TX, USA
5,142 posts, read 10,596,485 times
Reputation: 2495
The thing that brought us together was an interest in computers and being from the same neighborhood but feeling like outsiders is what brought us together.
We have similar political and religious/spiritual beliefs and a interest in computers of course and travel but we also compliment each other well on our strengths and weaknesses. Most of all, we have a common goal in mind what we want our lives to be about: simple, uncomplicated, traveling more than just the occasional trip every year (this can't happen fast enough for us!) and being able to have great friends we can count on.
I'm a neat freak; he is a little messy.
I'm analytical; he is creative.
I'm serious; he's funny.
I'm a morning person; he's a night owl.
Yes, we do frustrate each other but if I had met someone just like me, I probably would have not learned anything new and it would have driven me bonkers.
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