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Old 12-30-2010, 07:25 AM
 
Location: On our boat!
5,674 posts, read 10,045,998 times
Reputation: 3169
Default Having Things In Common

First, we are much older (early 60's) than most posters on this forum, but I'm still curiious.....
How many things do you have in common with your bf, gf or spouse? When I met my wife, I was SHOCKED (as was she) at how much we had in common. I was single (divorced) for 22 years and never met one lady during those years that I had so much in common with. All relationship experts will say that "common interests" are a major thing to make relationships and marriages work. I now know 100% why they say that!!
So here is ours:
When we first met, I was involved in pro-rodeo and took her to some rodeo's......she loved it! At the time, we both enjoyed country dancing and some squaredancing. She looked HOT in Western clothes! Those days of rodeo and dancing are gone now due to surgeries, but 11 yrs ago we sure had a ball!

Even though I love my Classic Rock, I have grown to enjoy her Motown and some of her "Oldies". She does like some of my Classic Rock though. We both like Country (the Garth Brooks, Alan Jackson, Shania Twain and Brooks/Dunn era)

We both love boating and fishing. During her growing-up years, her family had two ski boats and a lake cottage. My uncle had a ski boat that I would go out with him and his family sometimes. I got her into fishing though and she love helping me "bring 'em in". We both have rods/reels for salt and fresh.

We both enjoy gambling, but do little of it. Love Las Vegas, when we can go.

I love to cook and do most of it at home. She makes very tasty spagette and potato salad

We both clean our apartment.

We love going to our local Range and target shooting. She has her own rifle and is a mighty good shot!

We both are religious and go to church together.

She likes it that I go shopping with her.

We both like a good movie.

Now, if you are in a relationship/marriage to a "workaholic" or the job calls for being away for periods of time........well, what can I say about "common interests" if the person just isn't around that much???
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Old 12-30-2010, 07:54 AM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,980 posts, read 17,910,902 times
Reputation: 10491
Oddly enough, the wife and I do not have a whole lot in common, but our relationship works. I was once dragged to a Dr. Phil book signing session and "seminar" at a local Borders, and one of the things he said that really stuck with me is that you do not NEED to have a lot of things in common with your s.o./bf/gf/spouse for the relationship to be successful. He said "I love fly fishing, but I dont need my wife to love to go fly fishing with me so that our relationship will work. It doesnt work that way".

The wife and I started dating ten years ago and have a GREAT relationship despite the fact that:

I am right leaning conservative republican, she is FAAAAAAAAAR left democrat.
Me, against gay marriage, her for gay marriage
I love to play video games, she hates video games
Many more differences that I am not going to mention here

What we DO have in common is similar family values in how we raise our kids. And we both share exact same beliefs in living clean healthy lives. Keeping fit, exercising and maintaining our fitness levels and health.

So, just like Dr. Phil says, you do not need to have a LOT in common with your significant other in order for the relationship to work. The wife and I are living proof of this.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
4,407 posts, read 3,620,437 times
Reputation: 6832
As long as you have things to talk about with each other, and enjoy each other's company, a relationship can work even if you share few interests. But as LaoTzu says, having compatible core values is important.

However, it is great when you DO have many things in common and can share interests and activities. You'll always have mutually interesting topics of conversation, and will enjoy spending time together. Of course, not everyone wants that, or wants more individual time or time with other friends.

In my case, we have an incredible number of shared interests and activities and preferences, and we also have highly compatible core values and beliefs. About 80% or more of the books, tv shows, movies, and music that we like overlap. We both like and/or participate in martial arts, hiking, dancing, sailing, art museums, etc. Despite all the similarities, we are very different in numerous ways, so there is always something new to discover and explore with each other.
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Old 12-30-2010, 08:13 AM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,980 posts, read 17,910,902 times
Reputation: 10491
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
As long as you have things to talk about with each other, and enjoy each other's company, a relationship can work even if you share few interests. But as LaoTzu says, having compatible core values is important.

However, it is great when you DO have many things in common and can share interests and activities. You'll always have mutually interesting topics of conversation, and will enjoy spending time together. Of course, not everyone wants that, or wants more individual time or time with other friends.

In my case, we have an incredible number of shared interests and activities and preferences, and we also have highly compatible core values and beliefs. About 80% or more of the books, tv shows, movies, and music that we like overlap. We both like and/or participate in martial arts, hiking, dancing, sailing, art museums, etc. Despite all the similarities, we are very different in numerous ways, so there is always something new to discover and explore with each other.
Rep points to you for this.

The core values are very important. Some things that the wife and I do have in common are:

Love of the arts - music, theater, dance, art
Physical activities - playing tennis, biking, yoga
A great time for both of us is sitting in the backyard drinking tea and just chatting.

I guess its the little things really that count.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:12 AM
 
14,620 posts, read 7,668,427 times
Reputation: 11522
My husband and I have been together for 18 years and while we don't share a lot in common, we get along really, really well.

He's conservative, I'm very liberal
He loves rock music, I love anything BUT rock
He's career driven, I'm not
He LOVES travel, I would prefer not to travel at all (thankfully he gets his fix through work)

...and the list goes on and on. But, I do like learning about things he has an interest in and vice versa.

We do share the same family values and we are on the same page with regard to how we want to live our lives.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:58 AM
 
Location: On our boat!
5,674 posts, read 10,045,998 times
Reputation: 3169
We share the same belief in gay marriage......absolutely no!
We both love to travel, when finances call for it. In the future: The Keys, Washington D.C./Lincoln Memorial, Niagara Falls and perhaps another Cruise.
We both enjoy computer games.
Our personalities are somewhat different: At home, she is basically the quiet type and I'm a talker. While at a party and drinking some, she will open up. If I'm really quiet, either I'm asleep or sick! I've got a very humorous and sarcastic personality that she really loves......I can get a party going (if it's the right kind of people).
Neither of us smoke.
Neither of us have kids or grandkids.
We both love watching NFL and golf (don't play golf though) on tv. My lady sure knows her football!
We say "I love you" often. A nice hug can definitely be a part of that statement.
I'm more into "why do people do what they do" or "say what they say". Guess I missed my "calling" of being a Therapist........but then again, No Thank You!!
She's an Accountant by career, so she takes care of all bills.
We don't live close to family (States away) and that's the way we like it.
She is more of a "saver" than I am, but we've got rid of numerous things since being married.
We don't eat at fancy/expensive restaurants. Sometimes a Happy Meal is fine with us! Sometimes at a restaurant, we will share meal.
We are only 1-1/2 yrs apart in age......same generation.
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Old 12-30-2010, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,079 posts, read 8,490,890 times
Reputation: 3615
I've done the relationship where we had little in common and I won't do that again. I think it's very important to share interests with your partner just as well as having some of your own interests you do alone, but in my opinion, a relationship is meant for you to be together, do things together, have common interests and live as a couple, when you have no common interests OR very few, that really limits the things you do AS a couple.
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Old 12-30-2010, 10:07 AM
 
24,585 posts, read 25,653,468 times
Reputation: 32726
I think the ideal relationship is to have a good deal in common, particularly when it comes to shared values. At the same time, you don't want to be involved with a clone of yourself. I mean, otherwise, how will you grow as a person?

My wife and I have different tastes in music, books, and the whatnot. It's kind of fun to have a respectful difference of opinion on things. Makes life more fun, you know?
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Old 12-30-2010, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
10,089 posts, read 13,036,871 times
Reputation: 11555
My wife and I have little in common. We grew up in differant worlds. If I wanted to go somewhere i got in the plane and flew there. Or took the boat out. She grew up taking a bus around town or to visit family in Fresno. My family would get fresh strawberries from the grower, a farmer that we knew. Her family would pick them for that farmer. I know what the inside of a Ferrari feals like. Her parents didn't own a car. I grew up in a beautiful home. She grew up in a Governement owned apartment building. I was under the impression that all homes had libraries with the classics. She thinks that after you read a book why would you need to keep it. When we are in the car she likes to play Spanish music. I prefer Country. We both like rock and pop though. Still we love each other very much and our differances have made us a fun couple to hang around.
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Old 12-30-2010, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,529 posts, read 14,187,038 times
Reputation: 4586
My wife and I share many interests. We both love books, but different authors.
We both love the outdoors, any weather is great but we love the snow. We love the beach, we love to travel. Importantly we love to talk.
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