U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-31-2010, 03:15 AM
 
Location: Vancouver, BC
547 posts, read 1,427,641 times
Reputation: 509

Advertisements

I always fear that my date will dump me for someone more successful. It's very disgusting but logical. If I were a women then I would go for the more successful person.

Are my fears reasonable?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-31-2010, 03:31 AM
 
Location: Southern California
15,085 posts, read 18,003,280 times
Reputation: 10303
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
I always fear that my date will dump me for someone more successful. It's very disgusting but logical. If I were a women then I would go for the more successful person.

Are my fears reasonable?
If you have low self-esteem, then I'd say, "Yes." After all, who wants to be with someone who has no confidence in themselves?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 04:48 AM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,487 posts, read 6,514,694 times
Reputation: 2891
It's reasonable. But there isn't a point to "fearing" rather than trying to be a successful person yourself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 05:20 AM
 
142 posts, read 214,704 times
Reputation: 200
Don't date

Tis dating that leads to such anxieties
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 09:09 AM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,939,517 times
Reputation: 7560
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
I always fear that my date will dump me for someone more successful. It's very disgusting but logical. If I were a women then I would go for the more successful person.

Are my fears reasonable?
It shows insecurity on your part. There will always be a more successful man out there just as there will always be a more attractive woman. If your date were constantly worried that you'd dump her for someone better looking, would you find that an attractive quality? I doubt it. Confidence is what people find attractive. If someone likes who they are despite knowing they're not the best looking or most successful person around, that makes them more likable, provided they have a good share of humility to go with it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Kerkrade, Limburg, Netherlands
262 posts, read 476,721 times
Reputation: 167
It's possible, but it's not all about succes if you show you're a better partner for her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 09:55 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 47,796,539 times
Reputation: 46161
Let's analyze this.

Women aren't any more shallow and materialistic than men. But they sure as heck want to know that a potential partner has his act together in life. That doesn't mean that you have to be a lawyer, a doctor, or some uber-successful professional making well into the six figures.

At the same time, you should have a purpose, a reason for getting up in the morning. If all you do is scuttle back to a soul-destroying job that you hate every day, it shows in your demeanor and your attitudes towards everything else.

The reason for this? While there are multiple ways for women to define themselves, a large part of how men define themselves and are defined can be found in what they do. Yeah, get up on the chairs and yell at me all you want, but it is still the case in the 21st Century and for the rest of our lives.

If you want to be a carpenter, then be a carpenter. If you want to be a wilderness guide or run a kayak shop, then do it. But be a damned good carpenter, wilderness guide, or kayak shop manager. Because it isn't specifically what you do for a living, or at least it's not for any woman with a brain. Instead women love men who love their own lives, men who go about their daily routines in life with passion, energy, and purpose. For a man like that, most women will walk through fire and not worry about the size of the paycheck, as long as it's enough to keep the wolf from the door. In that sense, most women will take a happy carpenter over a sad, dispirited lawyer any day of the week.

So stop with the freaking self pity. Stop nurturing fear. For women can smell the reek of those qualities from a mile away. Take charge of your freaking life and give yourself a direction, whatever it may be.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 12:37 PM
 
47,531 posts, read 62,006,737 times
Reputation: 22306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
I always fear that my date will dump me for someone more successful. It's very disgusting but logical. If I were a women then I would go for the more successful person.

Are my fears reasonable?
They might be reasonable. It all depends on who you're dating. If she's dating you for your money, then it's kind of obvious she might ditch you if someone with more money comes along. Trophy women are often like this.

But there are also women who go for the bad boys who would ditch a nice man for a loser. But she might want you in the picture to come to her rescue at a later time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 12:47 PM
 
4,725 posts, read 4,607,054 times
Reputation: 9051
No, your fears are not reasonable unless you choose shallow women to date. Most women would not want a serious relationship with a man without a job at all, but most would respect a man who is hard working and doing his best. I really think men put more pressure on themselves than is necessary. Also, SOME men tend to believe the stereotypes about women only wanting material things. A woman that you would want to be with will be deeper than that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-31-2010, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Connecticut is my adopted home.
2,286 posts, read 3,186,430 times
Reputation: 7108
For a man like that, most women will walk through fire and not worry about the size of the paycheck, as long as it's enough to keep the wolf from the door. In that sense, most women will take a happy carpenter over a sad, dispirited lawyer any day of the week.

cpg35223, well said. Unless one is trying to "date up" hooking up with superficial social/mating climbers, this is the truth for most of the women I know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:38 PM.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top