Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No one is ever physically perfect, nor is that what I am looking for.
Not physically perfect, but someone who comes close to being physically perfect for YOU. Either way, you are already not satisfied with this girl's appearance, why trouble yourself and her and start something. Sooner or later, someone else who is hotter in your eyes will come along and it will just end with the heartbreak for her.
I would not see her again and string her along. I feel like she deserves to be with someone who is satisfied with her for who she is. If you want someone fit then that is fine but don't impose your ideals on someone else. Also, how much is health important to you? Thinness does not equate with healthiness. Would you prefer if she still smoked and was thin? Because it seems to me that she is valuing her health as she quit smoking and is going to the gym. Whether or not she gets skinny is not important. I think you are leveraging the potential relationship on this fact alone as she will be more attractive to you "thin".
She also recently told me she quit smoking and gained 15 or 20 lbs. She then said she joined a gym to start to exercise. I did not bring up the weight or smoking, she did. However, I have a lean build and in very good shape. So I am confused on what to do.
Quitting smoking: A plus
Joining a gym to combat weight change after quitting smoking: A plus
Sooner or later, someone else who is hotter in your eyes will come along and it will just end with the heartbreak for her.
I would NEVER do that to a woman I am dating. Should any girl I am dating become serious, I.E. dating weekly and we both agree to be exclusive, I am hers. I would not look or consider a replacement. I am not like that. I am loyal to the lady I am with. Guess you never read any of my other threads... I do not DO upgrades in people. Nor try to change them. Better them and myself, if they are open to it and ask about it, yes, but never try to change someone. It is not possible.
Wondering if the paint is still wet. Sometimes people do not want to hurt others feelings....not that you would tell us if she never answered the phone when you called, never returned your call or anything else. But you sure think you are something....seek some help ASAP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by intluser
Well, considering she said if you want to do something again, call me, I doubt that was in her mind.
I once went out with a chick who said she was looking for a guy who made her "feel just like Bella from Twilight". No joke! And she was 29 years old (way too old for that). I was thinking of a way to let her down gently, when she finally told me I was nice, but didn't make her feel that way. I have never been more relieved in my life!
I would say let her go. I can rarely tell if I like a girl in the first hour, but I can always tell when I don't.
P.s. - I don't think you're shallow at all. Physical attraction is just as important as chemistry.
I think you should date her once more (for longer than an hour) and see how it goes. Physical attraction is definitely an important factor just as important as mental or emotional aspects. You cant be expected to date someone you are not attracted to be that by appearance or personality. I can see why your torn. It's not easy to click with someone so you should not be too hasty.
Saying that if you date her again and think the weight may be an issue. I'd end it immediately. There is no point continuing to date her. Even if you think you will get over the weight issue or that she may lose the weight. I mean what if she says she's going to and she doesn't? That's totally her right and to be honest nothing to do with you. She could possibly now find someone who is attracted to her from the start.
I feel sorry for her as she sounds like she's trying to be healthy and for her to mention her weight and justify this to you (by mentioning the gym) means she's uncomfortable with the weight and this is affecting her self esteem. It could go either way she could lose the weight (because it was only gained from giving up smoking) or she could not.
Separately I don't understand why you are attacking the women on here. They are only giving you advise. Good advise at that. Whether you like it or not. You want to see both sides of the scale you have to take the advice given. That or don't ask.
I would also like to say that my sister used to be a chunk and now she's thin she refers to people like Kevin James as grotesque. Which I think is harsh and mainly her own issues. Ex fatties tend to have a worse outlook to a little weight gain than others. So maybe you should seek some therapy for yourself too. - This isn't a cuss. I'm being honest with you and I don't cut carbs ( I eat a fairly balanced diet) so I won't need that response.
I think you should date her once more (for longer than an hour) and see how it goes. Physical attraction is definitely an important factor just as important as mental or emotional aspects. You cant be expected to date someone you are not attracted to be that by appearance or personality. I can see why your torn. It's not easy to click with someone so you should not be too hasty.
Saying that if you date her again and think the weight may be an issue. I'd end it immediately. There is no point continuing to date her. Even if you think you will get over the weight issue or that she may lose the weight. I mean what if she says she's going to and she doesn't? That's totally her right and to be honest nothing to do with you. She could possibly now find someone who is attracted to her from the start.
I feel sorry for her as she sounds like she's trying to be healthy and for her to mention her weight and justify this to you (by mentioning the gym) means she's uncomfortable with the weight and this is affecting her self esteem. It could go either way she could lose the weight (because it was only gained from giving up smoking) or she could not.
Separately I don't understand why you are attacking the women on here. They are only giving you advise. Good advise at that. Whether you like it or not. You want to see both sides of the scale you have to take the advice given. That or don't ask.
I would also like to say that my sister used to be a chunk and now she's thin she refers to people like Kevin James as grotesque. Which I think is harsh and mainly her own issues. Ex fatties tend to have a worse outlook to a little weight gain than others. So maybe you should seek some therapy for yourself too. - This isn't a cuss. I'm being honest with you and I don't cut carbs ( I eat a fairly balanced diet) so I won't need that response.
I agree whole heartedly. Again, never brought up weight, exercise or smoking to her. She did. I did not even talk about it. Well, I did ask about the cigs, but that is it. There is no excuse for smoking IF you care about yourself. It is a nasty, expensive habit that only benefits the tobacco companies, taxing authorities, and share holders of said companies. I like to give two dates to any woman who I think there is a future with. I have met beautiful women who are size 0 - 4, but have horrible personalities, and we clashed on that. So, never looked back. However, when you seem to get along with each other personality wise, you'll be surprised how much more important that is than looks alone.
In terms of the women who posted. They all said I was a bad guy who did not deserve her cause I mentioned the weight issue. I easy took that as a personal attack and correlated that with their weight issues. Simple as that. For every action there is a an equal and just reaction. I never attacked them first, they attacked me first. So, I just typed what I typed. If someone is going to post and not think down the line, then they are not contributing to the thread, they are just looking to start drama. Which, I then politely requested they no longer participate in this thread. I just want honest down the line opinions. Not that she's to good for me. Or I am shallow. Or I am a bad person. Just keep it down the line. That is all I request.
I know I am not 100% all there. I haven't had the best relationships in the past, but I am working on them as well as myself. Henceforth, I give every relationship a chance. I do not shun them for a little weight gain. If there is an attraction there, then I will act on it. If not, no harm, no foul.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
True but........
