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I'm 37 and you probably will find me weird, but I assure you I'm a completely normal guy...except when it comes to relationships. To put it straight, I've never had a girlfriend in my life, I've never had a first kiss as well (call girls usually don't accept this kind of kiss). I've held hands with a girl when I was 21 but that was about it.
I've always been pretty confident in most areas of my life, I went to university, I work as an engineer, I've got my own house, my own car and I'm quite well travelled. I've always loved socialising, I used to hit the club every weekend from when I was 15 on. I love going out with friends for dinner, I obviously have no family responsabilities so I can come and go as I please. I surely have no problem talking to strangers. And that includes women, however not with the goal of trying 'to get something with her'.
Relationships have always seemed too troublesome and complicated for me. I've never asked a woman out, that would be the ultimate embarrassment for me, I'd rather walk through a mine field than do that. I'm quite good looking, at least I try to stay in shape.
In my early 20s, when all my male friends were getting laid at the speed of light, I was either studying or going out and watch them get girls to their cars at the end of the night while I went home alone. So, after I finished university, I made a promise to myself that I would never have anything with women, I would focus on my career and buy the things I've always wanted (my family is quite wealthy but I'm not a lazy bugger, I've paid everything I have).
When I reached 30 and was still a virgin, I decided to lose my virginity. I couldn't obviously lose it with a regular relationships, so I started using call girls every now and then. They do the thing, don't complain and might be cheaper on the long run. There's no drama and no text messages the next day.
Well, the thing is I think there's a woman interested in me. She was a friend of a friend, that's how I met her. She's 34 and divorced but things are fine between them it seems. I've noticed how I get all her attention when we're together with friends, she tries to touch me for any reason. The other day she even started giving me a back rub because 'you look like you need one'.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to break my pledge because I know I'd be an horrible boyfriend. I'm just not used to having someone interested in me, women usually only see me as a potential good friend but that's it. I'm not used to be physically touched in a non-sexual way. I must admit I feel a certain 'thing' in my chest when I'm with her but I don't know if a guy like me can be with someone. I'm the guy who can be a good friend, a good son and a crazy funny uncle, but relationships with women...
I'm just scared of regretting it.
Sorry, I know this is a bit long but I can't speak with anyone about personal things.
Dude, stop being scared. That thing you're feeling in your chest is your breath being taken away (sounds like it anyways) and this woman clearly likes you. Ask her out, see where it goes. And a guy like you can be with someone, the only thing stopping you, is you!
Give yourself a chance. Also confess some of your relationship inexperience concerns before you get too far involved (but not on the first few dates) so that this nice lady knows what she's getting into. If she's confident and really likes you she won't bolt for the door having that information. Good luck to you.
Maybe 37 is a good age to try something new. If you're at all attracted to her, and it seems she's attracted to you, I'd suggest you let her know (a) you find her attractive, (b) you're not in a space where you want to pursue a serious relationship, and (c) you feel OK about hanging out with her. That way you're neither chasing her nor rejecting her, and not trying to establish whether something sexual happens or not, but leaving the door open for it. You might just continue as ordinary friends, or if something sexual happens, then you've already expressed that you don't want the complex/serious/drama kind of thing. I see FWB as being a good option (but that reflects my tastes, I'm not sure it's what you or she wants).
As for the following:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamfreak
Sorry, I know this is a bit long but I can't speak with anyone about personal things.
For that, I'd suggest a men's support group or other kind of "men's movement" activity. In my experience, men can get valuable support from each other and learn a lot from each other in such groups.
Dude, stop being scared. That thing you're feeling in your chest is your breath being taken away (sounds like it anyways) and this woman clearly likes you. Ask her out, see where it goes. And a guy like you can be with someone, the only thing stopping you, is you!
I will have to get plenty of courage to ask her out. That would basically be my first date in life, things like my friends and my elder brother used to do when they were 16.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hans63
Maybe 37 is a good age to try something new. If you're at all attracted to her, and it seems she's attracted to you, I'd suggest you let her know (a) you find her attractive, (b) you're not in a space where you want to pursue a serious relationship, and (c) you feel OK about hanging out with her. That way you're neither chasing her nor rejecting her, and not trying to establish whether something sexual happens or not, but leaving the door open for it. You might just continue as ordinary friends, or if something sexual happens, then you've already expressed that you don't want the complex/serious/drama kind of thing. I see FWB as being a good option (but that reflects my tastes, I'm not sure it's what you or she wants).
Well, the women I have sex with are a kind of FWB, the difference is that I pay them. I'm curious about what a serious relationship is, I see my married friends (I certainly won't marry anytime soon, don't worry) and I wonder what it must be like to have a woman who takes interest in you. I have a woman to worries about me but she's my mother.
I think the OP is going to regret not taking this chance for the rest of his life if he does not act, this is your chance, take it while it's still there! and don't mension your inexperience to her until you find yourself in a situation where you have to, like if you mess up your first kiss or something like that. When I was about to lose my virginity I acted like
more genral...
It sounds like you're terrified of rejection of women. Don't be, what are they gonna do? bite you? only if you're lucky...
I surely get rejected by 20+ women for every one that'll give me a second glace, in fact I don't know of anyone with a worse rejection rate than me, makes me take a break because disappointment every now and then but doesn't mean I quit.
"thinking about breaking the pledge"? what the hell dude, that doesn't sound like much of a pledge to me. Who's going to gain anything from it? certainly not you and it's not going to look noble or anything in front of anyone else.
About hookers being nice because they don't text message the day after etc, it doesn't sound to me like you've had a problem of too many text-messages from ladies you've brought home in the past... you make it sound like your problem with women would be that they cling to you...
It's like two sides fighting inside me. I've been pretty secure and determined in my position of never dating anyone, so I thought it would be that way for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I'll be no good to any woman and they probably will find me disgusting for having slept with hookers.
It's like two sides fighting inside me. I've been pretty secure and determined in my position of never dating anyone, so I thought it would be that way for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I'll be no good to any woman and they probably will find me disgusting for having slept with hookers.
You're not gonna be any good for her unless you get over your fears of not being any good for her.
Edit: and don't tell her about the hooker thing, unless you really really have to, or say it in a way that doesn't imply you paid a stranger...(don't call it anything like FWB or callgirl just say that the only experience you've had are some brief encounters with a certain woman.)
You don't have to lie, but neither does she need the whole truth, at least not for a while ahead. Most guys who hit on women in bars and clubs will twist truths and exaggerate themselves discretely from start to end.
Think about it, you'll still be way more honest than most people, I've done everything from being a "fireman" to professional soccer player, it's not like the girl is gonna find any difference, and if she does, well who lied first? With the pushup bra, the makeup, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake tan, lipstick, etc there's only gonna be half the girl left the day after.
Last edited by sportsgeek20; 01-02-2011 at 02:27 PM..
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and don't mension your inexperience to her until you find yourself in a situation where you have to, like if you mess up your first kiss or something like that. When I was about to lose my virginity I acted like 
