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Foxywench, I do like your compromise, but I'm afraid it won't work. The reason being is that I don't think my gf will go for it. I will obviously speak with her about all this, but her stance is that if they don't want her there, she doesn't want to be there under any circumstance.
but i do also know that some people like some thigns to be family...my family do birthday dinners for each of us, and its family only, if were seeing someone its not that there not liked, just that its our one on one family time...
married would be a different kettle of fish, but dating? personally i wouldnt be offended just by that part because its normal for my family to do such things occasionally
i also thing if gf is going with family needs to be told before hand that look this is the deal, i love her shes comming with me, im willing to do family time but beyond that i will be with my gf and its either both of us or neither...
We don't want anyone to feel sorry for us, just to understand that not everyone feels the same way about gays and lesbians.........that should be ok, if not, than it's NOT us that have the problem, it's...........
LoveBoating, I do undestand that everyone is entitled to their opinion and I have NO problem with that. My mother HAS NOT come straight out and said she doesn't approve, doesn't accept whatever. I heard from my brothers that they mentioned that they don't like her because of her race (my brother feels the same). If my mother just said to me, I do not accept you as a lesbian, but can we work something out, I would. I don't like her hiding her true feelings from me and then when I ask, "oh no everything is fine, just this is not the right time."
You have a good point here and I still wish you luck! Only thing is, if your mother simply told you that she didn't like you being a lesbian, just how could either of you work that out???
Again, good luck!
Quote:
Originally Posted by katestar
LoveBoating, I do undestand that everyone is entitled to their opinion and I have NO problem with that. My mother HAS NOT come straight out and said she doesn't approve, doesn't accept whatever. I heard from my brothers that they mentioned that they don't like her because of her race (my brother feels the same). If my mother just said to me, I do not accept you as a lesbian, but can we work something out, I would. I don't like her hiding her true feelings from me and then when I ask, "oh no everything is fine, just this is not the right time."
My solution would be to go see them on my little bro's birthday in september and her birthday in march. Once every six months. We don't talk about my relationship and I make no demands of her. That would be the best I could do considering I would technically be hiding.
Kate, I am sorry your mother is unable to look past her own discomfort in being around your partner for whatever reasons - homophobia, racism, etc. That said, I applaud the stand you are taking. You have made a choice in partner and that is where your loyalties lie, without disrespecting your mother. It isn't an easy road for you to take.
In this situation, I personally would tell my mother that the terms are unacceptable and that you are a package deal; you will not be "vacationing" with the family as though you are a single person. If she wants to make a day visit to see you, she is welcome to do so; or if she is willing to put aside her prejudices, whatever they may be, and include your partner, you will both come for the day to give your family/mother an opportunity to get to know your partner. But also let your mother know that her refusal to acknowledge your relationship is hurting her chances of getting to know your partner by hurting her feelings and it's also going to hurt the long-term relationship between you and your mother.
I think your mother needs to hear this from you without you shying away from being direct. Tell her with conviction. NOT doing so is leading your mother to believe (to have hope) that you are not in a committed relationship and if she just makes it difficult for you, then you will "come to your senses".
Stand up for yourself. Grow up - pull up your big girl panties and be clear. It isn't easy. But until you stand up to your mother's bullying, you will be unhappy - and it will affect your relationship -- with your partner and with your family -- negatively.
Best of luck to you. Please let us know how it works out.
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