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Probably manic-depressive. Sounds like one. Try to persuade her to get some professional help. People like that can get hurt out in the big wide world called reality.
I'v read this post all the way through and what is weird is that no one has mentioned what is to me so obvious, you are attracted to her.
That is why you are so hurt and upset by her actions. I'm not sure if you want to admit it to yourself, but your attraction is causing you to stick with someone who you know was trouble. If it were me and someone else and you as an outsider saw all those qualities in her, you would tell me to run quick, but because of your attachment and "maybe" fantasy of someday making a girlfriend/wife out of her, you couldn't and wouldn't see her faults.
Like many other posters have said, she isn't socialpathic, you are just pushing an extreme trait onto her because it justifies why someone you had feelings so strongly for would betray you, but the truth is that she didn't betray you she was just being herself
To answer your question, women can be sociopaths, absolutely. But I don't see her as being sociopathic. I see a lot of selfishness and covers for insecurity, some narcissism, sure. Someone else already said it, a lot of people throw "sociopath" around way too easily.
All she had to say to ditching someone was "I'm sorry to disappoint you'". Yes, it is rude to ditch someone. Maybe she was not sincere in her apology, but really, what more should she/could she have said or done?
The same goes for not taking you and your friends out after helping her move. In your first post, you stated that she backed out because she was tired and said she would take you out "later". In your second post, you said "she didn't seem to think that it was the least bit shady to not even offer to take us out."' Which one is it?
It's not really all that unreasonable to want to take a rain-check on drinks after moving. Nothing shady about it. That's not to say that she isn't using you guys to some degree, she may be. But, if you are dismissing what she offered to do and exaggerating, you're not exactly being a good friend either.
You said she is breaking the law, she isn't sorry for it and she is giving you a bunch of sob stories about her past and being raped. You aren't telling us what this law is. Jaywalking is breaking the law, so is stealing a 25 cent lollipop. Just saying "she's breaking the law" is not enough to classify her as a sociopath. But it does help to vilify her even more.
Based on the seeds you've dropped, I'm going to guess she is a hooker. If so, these sob stories you speak of (and we don't know what those are either) and being raped could very well be true. That doesn't make it right, but it explains why she is doing it, if she is doing it. It could explain why she finds it an ego boost to manipulate men, or feels that pretty women shouldn't have to work and it could explain why she uses people. It's not inconceivable that a woman who was raped or molested feels that men owe her, even in the form of money.
Everything else you've described could apply to anyone, really, sociopath or not. Lots of people are charming for the sake of appearances, blow off work for fun and pretend to be happy when they are not.
She doesn't sound like someone I would want to be around. But I wouldn't be very happy with your assessment if you were my friend either. She may have disappeared because you were right about her. And she may have disappeared because you are making her out to be something worse than she actually is. It could even be both.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 01-16-2011 at 09:44 AM..
Check the local jails. From your comments it would seem as if there is a good chance of her being busted, if not now, then later. If and when she does end up in the clink, expect her to ask you or someone else in your circle to bail her out and find and pay for an attorney, and so on.
I have a friend who demonstrates some very odd behavior at times. When I came back to this site, I saw a thread on sociopaths, and wondered if women can be sociopaths as well. Based on the following statements and actions, I have some reason to believe that it is possible for a woman to be a sociopath:
She is very smart, energetic, and charming. Very extraverted and always looking to have a good time. She laughs and smiles a lot and comes off as very personable.
She once told me: "I shouldn't have to work because I'm so pretty. Pretty girls shouldn't have to work."
On her Facebook page, her "About Me" section says: "You have an angelic face, great hair, teriffic legs, perfect teeth, a wonderful personality, killer eyes, a great job, and a shape to die for." She attributes this quote to her best friend.
She is doing something that is illegal, but she has given us what at first seemed like a good reason for doing it. She has told me a number of stories, which frankly, cause me to feel sorry for her.
When she joined us for dinner a few weeks ago, she told us she had a project to finish for work, and when we decided to go bowling after, she had no problem joining us and blowing off her project. "My boss will just get it when he gets it," she said.
She says she gets bored easily. She's always sending out emails asking if anyone wants to engage in high-paced, exciting activities with her, like skydiving. She has said before that she is impulsive.
She completely flaked on one of our friends when she was supposed to go to an event with her. All she had to say was, "I'm sorry to disappoint you."
She once told me that she was looking to move because she can't stand the thought of being in any one city for more than a couple of years. Although she has a good job, and is really smart, she does not seem to care about her professional future very much, and always comes up with random business ideas.
She often accuses other people of being manipulative. She admitted, however, that it boosts her ego when she knows she can manipulate a man's emotions. She also says that she loses interest after she gets what she wants. She once said aloud, "I run away from guys who chase me. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure they would run away from me. Such is life."
She never seems to be heartbroken for very long. She'll cry the day of a breakup, and two days later, she's back to dating.
She admits to being a flirt and says that she sees no problem with "dating around."
The final straw came when she asked three of us (two guys and a girl) to help her move into a new apartment. After we finished the move, she told us that she was tired, and that she would not be able to treat us to drinks as she had promised before. We didn't really care about her actually buying drinks, but we all sensed that she was lying, and the she just wanted to go do something more interesting.
When we told her that her actions did not seem courteous, she turned around and accussed us of lacking courtesy, and then said that the "courteous thing to do" would be for us to understand that she was tired, and that she did not feel like taking us out for drinks. She said she would take us out "later."
No one has heard from her since. When I add up all of the evidence, I think she may be a sociopath, but I just can't believe that I could ever allow someone like that into my life. And I'm having a hard time believing she could just ditch us on such a bogus pretext and stop talking to us. I thought we were supposed to be friends. And I thought that only men could be sociopaths.
Thoughts?
Sounds sociopathic to me (which usually accompanies narcissism). She seems to feel no sympathy or emotion for others and when she is doing favors for someone, it only seems to be when it benefits her. I'd stay far away from her if I were you.
Oh, and a very interesting eye opening site on sociopaths:
She doesn't sound like a sociopath, though there's no reason women cannot be sociopaths. She sounds like a typical woman to me.
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