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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009
My main problem with dancing historically has been, I have a somewhat soft voice that can be easily-overwhelmed by loud noise (including loud music), so sometimes it can be difficult to make myself heard in those situations, even when I raise my voice to a shouting pitch. The only way I can make myself heard vocally in these cases is usually to violate personal space norms, and "lean in very close", to near the person's ear.
As a result of the awkwardness that tends to cause, I don't really like dancing much, just because it's pricatically impossible for me to speak to anyone, there.
That's what I hate about meeting girls in those kinds of places. The music/conversation is way too loud. I hate having to shout over everything just to make myself heard.
As to your original question, it's not as hard as it seems. Pay attention to it more. It's not a 'magic bullet' but it'll be another piece in your arsenal. You simply CANNOT totally ignore it, unless you maybe date aspie girls, lol.
On matters of love and relationships, some emphasize repeatedly about the need to be able to read and project the "right" body language, making body language into something of a "do or die" thing for potential relationships.
Yup.
Quote:
Despite repeated attempts to educate myself regarding this, reading numerous self-help books, and even taking some paid college courses, I personally have always been *horrible* at this skill, especially in terms of projecting just the right body language.
Well, it is just about impossible to fake.
Quote:
As an alternative, I have tried improving my romantic verbal communication skills, with some mixed success (I have been told by many people in the past that I am very strong at written and oral communication skills). But in actual experience, I feel that no matter how "good" my verbal skills are, they can only go so far as replacing non-verbal communication.
My question here is: does anyone have any suggestions on how, if like me you are insufferably weak on non-verbal communication and body language skills, on what *you* would do or say exactly recommendation-wise, if you were going to attempt to ramp up your verbal communications skills, if you were hypothetically talking to someone you liked romantically?
How would you impress that special someone, if you wanted to dazzle him/her with your sheer verbal wit?
ETA: Benjamin Disraeli, a former British Prime Minister, has been quoted as saying, "Men govern with words". I *like* that saying, lol...just not sure, how to actually put it, into practice!
Well, say you find someone smart, and you get their attention, and then you impress them intellectually.
Where does that leave you two in terms of emotion, and excitement, and how you made them feel? Just about nothing. Best case scenario, they feel some respect for you, or maybe they "like" you, but you didn't really induce any sort of feelings or emotions that bring you two closer together.
People --even smart people -- are more likely to respond emotionally to some kid with a guitar and a funny looking haircut, thrashing about and yelling nonsense, than they will some well-thought-out concept or idea that you have to share.
So body language is not a substitute for the things you have to say, it is really what entices people to want to listen in the first place.
best way to improve verbal communication skills is to speak from the heart.. nothing beats genuine words, whether they're eloquent or not doesn't matter as much as if the other person can tell that you mean what you say
Everyone has something they're good at in the interpersonal world - despite what some would have you believe on this forum. The trick is to discover exactly what it is.
Granted, you can develop your abilities in other communication styles, but they'll probably never be as good as your innate abilities.
Quote:
Well, say you find someone smart, and you get their attention, and then you impress them intellectually.
Where does that leave you two in terms of emotion, and excitement, and how you made them feel? Just about nothing. Best case scenario, they feel some respect for you, or maybe they "like" you, but you didn't really induce any sort of feelings or emotions that bring you two closer together.
People --even smart people -- are more likely to respond emotionally to some kid with a guitar and a funny looking haircut, thrashing about and yelling nonsense, than they will some well-thought-out concept or idea that you have to share.
Here's where I take the other path...
Emotion and excitement are fine when you're trying to attract a new romantic interest, but ask any long-married couple where those things rank in terms of importance for relationship longevity - pretty far under the 50% mark, I'd wager.
It's like sex - yes, it's wonderful; yes, it's important when you want to produce a football team in your spare time. But after the sprouts have sprouted, sex usually takes a back seat in terms of importance. Of course, a total LACK of sex is wrong, also - but it isn't as important as the more cerebral concerns such as love, caring, respect, sharing life-philosophies and, perhaps most importantly, the ability to communicate verbally.
As for what "smart" people respond to - personality and maturity level would, I think, be an important factor in what turns someone on. Me, I am FAR more turned on when I encounter a lady who can think well and express those thoughts in an entertaining yet quiet manner, instead of one who is a master of body language and instantaneous emotional release.
Extroverts need to be stimulated by external events; introverts, by internal ones.
In other words, I get off quicker from the mental than the physical.
Based upon my meet-ups with similarly-minded women (and men as well), I suspect that there are a fair number of people like this in the world. Probably as many as there are introverts.
Quote:
So body language is not a substitute for the things you have to say, it is really what entices people to want to listen in the first place.
OK, that makes sense. It's the icing on the cake. You can still have cake, however, without the icing - it's just not as much of a treat.
On matters of love and relationships, some emphasize repeatedly about the need to be able to read and project the "right" body language, making body language into something of a "do or die" thing for potential relationships. Despite repeated attempts to educate myself regarding this, reading numerous self-help books, and even taking some paid college courses, I personally have always been *horrible* at this skill, especially in terms of projecting just the right body language.
As an alternative, I have tried improving my romantic verbal communication skills, with some mixed success (I have been told by many people in the past that I am very strong at written and oral communication skills). But in actual experience, I feel that no matter how "good" my verbal skills are, they can only go so far as replacing non-verbal communication.
My question here is: does anyone have any suggestions on how, if like me you are insufferably weak on non-verbal communication and body language skills, on what *you* would do or say exactly recommendation-wise, if you were going to attempt to ramp up your verbal communications skills, if you were hypothetically talking to someone you liked romantically? How would you impress that special someone, if you wanted to dazzle him/her with your sheer verbal wit?
ETA: Benjamin Disraeli, a former British Prime Minister, has been quoted as saying, "Men govern with words". I *like* that saying, lol...just not sure, how to actually put it, into practice!
Are you kidding me man? Here, give it a listen and you will be MUCH better at it!
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