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On matters of love and relationships, some emphasize repeatedly about the need to be able to read and project the "right" body language, making body language into something of a "do or die" thing for potential relationships. Despite repeated attempts to educate myself regarding this, reading numerous self-help books, and even taking some paid college courses, I personally have always been *horrible* at this skill, especially in terms of projecting just the right body language.
As an alternative, I have tried improving my romantic verbal communication skills, with some mixed success (I have been told by many people in the past that I am very strong at written and oral communication skills). But in actual experience, I feel that no matter how "good" my verbal skills are, they can only go so far as replacing non-verbal communication.
My question here is: does anyone have any suggestions on how, if like me you are insufferably weak on non-verbal communication and body language skills, on what *you* would do or say exactly recommendation-wise, if you were going to attempt to ramp up your verbal communications skills, if you were hypothetically talking to someone you liked romantically? How would you impress that special someone, if you wanted to dazzle him/her with your sheer verbal wit?
ETA: Benjamin Disraeli, a former British Prime Minister, has been quoted as saying, "Men govern with words". I *like* that saying, lol...just not sure, how to actually put it, into practice!
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 01-08-2011 at 08:36 PM..
Reason: Corrected typo
I would think that if you're not that strong in physical or verbal languages then the only thing you can hope for is to find someone who sees beyond all that crap - into your spirit / soul.
Words are just words; a body just a vessel. But the spirit is forever.
...
Words are just words; a body just a vessel. But the spirit is forever.
In the beginning was the word... Genesis
Since I do not believe in spirits, I'll take words to have much more import.
To the question of body language. It is more the case of simple things to do. Look the gal in the eye, have a relaxed posture, and smile a lot. All the rest is rather meaningless.
I have been dazed more than once at verbal... I am so weak to resist certain things. So I guess you just have to know what she likes and hassle with that.
Not to nitpick, MattB4, but 'In the beginning was the word' is from John, not Genesis. ;o)
John 1:1 actually, but it has served for much debate (words) about Genesis and the Old Testament Gospel. Thus as a rebuttal about whether words are not important I thought using the reference to "In the beginning" and Genesis to be apt. A little convoluted I know, sorry.
You could memorize some poetry and pull it out at various times, but I think you should probably look at why your body language is off--is it because you're nervous, or do you have Asperger's or AD/HD? As someone mentioned, eye contact is the most important thing and a good way to practice is to start with non-threatening subjects. Your grandmother for instance or someone you feel really comfortable with--stretch it out just a little longer each time but stop before it gets creepy.
My eye contact has improved a lot since I started to take contra dancing--we have a move called the gypsy, where you sidle around each other making very close eye contact and whoa--it's very powerful. Come to think of it Knight--you might like contra--it's your kind of people I think and once you get into a group that you're comfortable with your body language will be fine.
You could memorize some poetry and pull it out at various times, but I think you should probably look at why your body language is off--is it because you're nervous, or do you have Asperger's or AD/HD?
Thx for the helpful poetry suggestion. No Asperger's, or ADHD present...although nervousness, could certainly be a legitimate factor.
Quote:
As someone mentioned, eye contact is the most important thing and a good way to practice is to start with non-threatening subjects. Your grandmother for instance or someone you feel really comfortable with--stretch it out just a little longer each time but stop before it gets creepy.
Haha, no worries -- I think I have the eye contact thing, down pat (That is one of the few, body language attritubutes, that I actually don't have a problem with, due to taking a few Communications college courses.)
Quote:
My eye contact has improved a lot since I started to take contra dancing--we have a move called the gypsy, where you sidle around each other making very close eye contact and whoa--it's very powerful. Come to think of it Knight--you might like contra--it's your kind of people I think and once you get into a group that you're comfortable with your body language will be fine.
Sounds like contra dancing might be fun! Now I just have to work on being less shy...a challenge, all of it's own lol
Just curious, is contra dancing relatively easy to learn, do you know by any chance? Or, something someone should preferably take dancing classes for, first?
My main problem with dancing historically has been, I have a somewhat soft voice that can be easily-overwhelmed by loud noise (including loud music), so sometimes it can be difficult to make myself heard in those situations, even when I raise my voice to a shouting pitch. The only way I can make myself heard vocally in these cases is usually to violate personal space norms, and "lean in very close", to near the person's ear.
As a result of the awkwardness that tends to cause, I don't really like dancing much, just because it's practically impossible for me to speak to anyone, there.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 01-10-2011 at 08:19 AM..
Reason: Corrected typo
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(That is one of the few, body language attritubutes, that I actually don't have a problem with, due to taking a few Communications college courses.)
