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I think you would have to go to great lengths to make sure they were able to grow as they aged. That would include college and work experience and holding off on children until they were closer to 30. The question is are you willing to do that? If not then maybe you should reconsider.
Not a problem for me; I would be happy to encourage them in their emotional and career growth. As far as children, I guess though I would ideally have hoped to have a child with them by say age 24, rather than 30...although I don't see why I couldn't wait longer for them, if I absolutely had to...
Men ages 24-30: would you ever hypothetically consider marrying a girl ages 18-21, if you were completely and totally in love with her, and assuming she theoretically also wanted to, as well?
Meant 100% seriously -- just curious, and not joking or being facetious here. (I'm talking the kind of "love" that results in a marriage, *not* no-strings physical intimacy or a casual relationship.) Would you ever actually consider marrying someone, that young, if they wanted to marry you too?
Why not? If I still was 30 or under I would have done it, if I had the opportunity again. When I was 27 a good friend's sister was sweet on me. She was really cute and was nice. I had to beat her off with a stick practically. I don't know what it was? I just couldn't do it because I remembered her as a little girl and a good friend's sister. Stupid me! She is married now and has two kids. That 9 year difference means NOTHING when you are middle aged!
Men ages 24-30: would you ever hypothetically consider marrying a girl ages 18-21, if you were completely and totally in love with her, and assuming she theoretically also wanted to, as well?
Meant 100% seriously -- just curious, and not joking or being facetious here. (I'm talking the kind of "love" that results in a marriage, *not* no-strings physical intimacy or a casual relationship.) Would you ever actually consider marrying someone, that young, if they wanted to marry you too?
Why are you using a 7-year spread for men but only a 4-year spread for women? And what about 22-23?
By all means go for it. But jaded can happen within a first serious relationship. When you have a couple of kids, she grows up & can *potentially* get jaded with her life with you.
I hear what you're saying because a lot of men say this about older women so there must be truth to it. I'm just saying getting a young one will not guarantee future bliss. I got into a serious relationship when I was 18 for 5 years, thankfully didn't get pregnant & got out before I got too jaded. I'm down to gun shy now. Divorce is a much brighter prospect the younger you are. Even with kids since you will be paying for them and her boyfriend who moves in with her.
Men ages 24-30: would you ever hypothetically consider marrying a girl ages 18-21, if you were completely and totally in love with her, and assuming she theoretically also wanted to, as well?
Meant 100% seriously -- just curious, and not joking or being facetious here. (I'm talking the kind of "love" that results in a marriage, *not* no-strings physical intimacy or a casual relationship.) Would you ever actually consider marrying someone, that young, if they wanted to marry you too?
Yes I would...and I did. We just celebrated our 2nd anniversary in October.
By all means go for it. But jaded can happen within a first serious relationship. When you have a couple of kids, she grows up & can *potentially* get jaded with her life with you.
I hear what you're saying because a lot of men say this about older women so there must be truth to it. I'm just saying getting a young one will not guarantee future bliss. I got into a serious relationship when I was 18 for 5 years, thankfully didn't get pregnant & got out before I got too jaded. I'm down to gun shy now. Divorce is a much brighter prospect the younger you are. Even with kids since you will be paying for them and her boyfriend who moves in with her.
Excellent and valid points Donna in AZ. I guess my hope would be that if I were to find a special girl in my life who happened to be younger, that I would be able to treat her right and continually positively nurture the relationship with her, so that jadedness would be much less likely to set in. Practical stuff like being there for her, whenever she needed me...helping her out, by splitting household chores and childcare duties, 50-50...being helpful and supportive to her, while she was still in school...ensuring, that she and I would have quality romantic time together, by doing sweet things now and then such as buying her flowers, having "date nights" together, giving gifts now and then to show her, how much I appreciate and treasure her. Also being kind and affectionate to her, making sure she knows, just how much I love her, by telling her frequently, how much I care.
I'm hoping that with the right mix of affection, tender loving care, and support for her, that I can prevent jadedness from ever happening. IMO, it's much harder to "reverse" jadedness, once it's already happened in someone, than treating someone the right way so that it never occurs in the first place.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 01-12-2011 at 10:05 AM..
Why are you using a 7-year spread for men but only a 4-year spread for women? And what about 22-23?
22-23 for women is fine too -- the point I was trying to emphasize, and what I've found by my own observations is, that by a certain age, many girls tend to be a lot less overtly affectionate, kind, and caring...in other words, more jaded. I just want a girl, who hasn't lost that quality yet, and whose heart, hasn't yet become hardened.
The exact age itself, is unimportant to me; it's her personality. If there was a 30 year old girl who was still like that, I would treasure her just as much as a 21 or 23 year old, who was also still kind and unjaded. It's just that, as girls get older, the probability of becoming jaded, increases more and more, so the likelihood of actually finding say a single, mutually-interested girl who is 30, and as kind, gentle, and sweet as say a 20 year old girl would probably be, is highly not going to be very likely.
22-23 for women is fine too -- the point I was trying to emphasize, and what I've found by my own observations is, that by a certain age, many girls tend to be a lot less overtly affectionate, kind, and caring...in other words, more jaded. I just want a girl, who hasn't lost that quality yet, and whose heart, hasn't yet become hardened.
So what happens when you've been with this originally 20-year-old year for 8-10 years and she, too, grows up, smartens up and isn't so frivolous and light-hearted? Are you still going to "treasure" her, or will her trade her in for a younger, stupider model?
The relationships with any age gap that I know work because they are in the same stage of life. Whether the guy or girl is older, whether the gap is 2 years or 10, it works because they want/need the same things. A girl who is in college and a guy who has been out 5+ years are going to have a lot of life experience differences. He might own a house, she's never paid a bill. He might be a senior manager, she's figuring out what she wants to major in. He travels all over the country for conferences and is ready to settle down and raise a family. She travels the coast for spring break and is ready to experience life now that she'll have a paycheck to do so.
I'm sure there are cases where the 21 year old is incredibly responsible and mature and worldly, or the mid-late 20's guy took a while to get things together and figure out where he was going.
I was engaged just before my 21st birthday, married just after my 22nd--to a guy who was at the same stage of life as I was. He's a year and a bit older, but we graduated together, navigated the work/life balance thing together, dealt with dissatisfaction in our careers, figuring out where we wanted to settle down, went to Europe for the first time, figured out how to pay bills, etc TOGETHER. That means the world to me--it would have been hard for me to marry someone who was so much further ahead in life than me. I imagine someone older and more settled/established wouldn't have been nearly as patient when I decided I wanted to change careers and go back to school and move across the country.
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She is married now and has two kids. That 9 year difference means NOTHING when you are middle aged!
