You saw a married person you know on a dating site... (boyfriends, loyalty)
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Weird as it may be, what happens if you encounter an open relationship? What if they're swingers? What if the husband or wife have sanction to go out and get a little on the side? These kinds of relationships happen a lot more often than you might expect, particularly as a couple gets into their 30s or 40s. For the record, I don't fit into any of those categories, but I know some who do--and they certainly don't fit the stereotypes.
So, then, you've just barged into their lives, all because you're their self-appointed moral watchdog.
Good for them if they're swingers. You have a moment of embarrassment, laugh it off, and forget about it. However, if they're not swingers--and the great majority of married people in this country are not--then you owe it to them to be honest. Just because you will end up in an uncomfortable position whether the acquaintance is being cheated on or you know he/she is into swinging doesn't mean you shouldn't say something. Thinking emphatically helps determine what is/isn't important to address with friends/colleagues; if the situation is something you--and you think most other people--would want to know about, then you should probably be truthful about it. If it's something smaller that you could shrug off, then it's not worth bringing up.
Good for them if they're swingers. You have a moment of embarrassment, laugh it off, and forget about it. However, if they're not swingers--and the great majority of married people in this country are not--then you owe it to them to be honest. Just because you will end up in an uncomfortable position whether the acquaintance is being cheated on or you know he/she is into swinging doesn't mean you shouldn't say something. Thinking emphatically helps determine what is/isn't important to address with friends/colleagues; if the situation is something you--and you think most other people--would want to know about, then you should probably be truthful about it. If it's something smaller that you could shrug off, then it's not worth bringing up.
Really it's about your own moral vanity. Other people don't need a protector. And, once again, you're acting as policeman, judge, and jury.
Tell you a story here. When I was working on my first novel, the character was dating. So I went on one of those sites and put together a profile (With the full knowledge and permission of my wife). I then spent a couple of weeks seeing how people interacted, and then cancelled my account. I wasn't stupid enough to put my photo on there, but I'm sure that had I done so, some presumptuous person would have notified my wife in a skinny minute. And she would have laughed at them. Trust me. Nobody likes an informant.
Weird as it may be, what happens if you encounter an open relationship? What if they're swingers? What if the husband or wife have sanction to go out and get a little on the side? These kinds of relationships happen a lot more often than you might expect, particularly as a couple gets into their 30s or 40s. For the record, I don't fit into any of those categories, but I know some who do--and they certainly don't fit the stereotypes.
So, then, you've just barged into their lives, all because you're their self-appointed moral watchdog.
But this is what I said, if they have an open relationship the other person in the relationship will just say "so what" and nothing will ever come of it - but to not tell them...well I think that is just wrong......
Many years ago I had a moderately close work friend whose cheating husband I happened to encounter by accident in a full clinch in a restaurant with another woman. I felt that I owed it to my friend to tell her about it out of a sense of loyalty. She made all kinds of excuses for her husband, insisting that I was mistaken (even though he came over to the table in a panic once he saw me and made a bunch of excuses himself) and in general she was pretty POed at me. I apologized for saying anything and vowed never ever to intervene in any way in any marriage again, even if I thought it was for the best to disclose infidelity. It was my unfortunate destiny to see this man all over town with different women for a number of years. I said nothing. She had to learn the hard way.
Generally speaking when spouses don't know, I think they don't want to know. There are bound to be exceptions of course. That's my theory, anyway.
I would tell the acquaintance directly. I have been in this situation before and told an acquaintance that his girlfriend slept with one of my best (male) friends. He went silent and came back to me the next day furious because his girlfriend said I was "making up lies." At that point I gave the acquaintance the phone number of my good friend to confirm what happened, and within a few weeks he sent me an email apologizing profusely for not believing me--especially since I had no reason to lie to him.
The immediate reaction might be unpleasant, but telling the person being cheated on is the right thing to do. If I were being cheated on, I would want to know regardless of who was telling me. All of this talk about "staying out of people's business" and "don't be a snitch" is appalling; if you have strong morals then you have to let your friend/acquaintance know what's going on. Not to do so is akin to watching a bully beat the living **** out of someone who did nothing to deserve it.
I suspect that I'd find a way to pass along the information to the person who was being cheated on because I would realize that the longer this goes on the worse it's going to be for that person psychologically and emotionally. It's kind of like saying "look out!" to some stranger who appears to be walking into the path of an oncoming vehicle with a driver who isn't paying attention.
You saw a married person you know on a dating site...
Quote:
Originally Posted by andreeea
I'd mind my own business..
I agree! It is nice to see other people on here who have their head's on straight, also. Seeniorita & OngletNYC my hat's off to both of you. As for small_feather, your thinking scares me, with friends like you, no one needs enemies...
If you saw the husband or wife of a friend (not a best buddy, but someone in your social group ) on a dating site promoting that they were single and looking, what would you do?
Let's assume you have only met the boss's partner at a couple of formal work functions and have never interacted with them socially.
I called his wife. Immediately.
Well actually, I didn't call her. But I called a mutual friend who was much closer to her, and she called her. Turns out he was a scum bucket and had been cheating on her for years. They are now divorced.
I would take them aside and tell them, "I'm not here to judge you, but I came across your dating pofile on a 'whatever' dating site. I just wanted to give you a heads up because if I found it - others may also and I know you're married.' After that - then it's none of your business.
The whole point of putting a profile on a dating site is so it can be found. His reaction might be, "oh good! it's getting online traffic!"
Anyway, to answer the original question, I wouldn't do anything, because it's not my place to do so.
If you saw the husband or wife of a friend (not a best buddy, but someone in your social group ) on a dating site promoting that they were single and looking, what would you do?
Let's assume you have only met the boss's partner at a couple of formal work functions and have never interacted with them socially.
I'd embarrass them publicly with my newfound knowledge, in an innocent appearing manner.
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You saw a married person you know on a dating site...
