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i'm touchy feely with my fiance. I don't hang onto her for dear life or anything. We do hold hands, we kiss and yes, we even cuddle. Do i do it because i'm needy? No. I find it as a way to express how i feel. I love my fiance and i don't want to just tell her, i want to show her.
With that said, she hangs out with her friends and i hang out with mine. We aren't calling each other every 5 minutes and neither of us is scared that the other is just going to up and leave. We talk and share our feelings and thoughts. We respect and love one another.
So if anyone believes that makes emotionally imature so be it. For us, it works. And i for one will never shy away from how i honestly feel.
I WISH my husband was more of the touchy-feely type.
I love physical contact but he's not much for it.
We've been married for 13 years now (been together for 18) and this is honestly the one issue in our marriage that keeps resurfacing for me. I have asked him if he could show more physical affection and he will for a little while but then it fades, it's just does not come naturally for him.
I would love for him to put his hands on my shoulder, hold my hand, heck even pick a fuzz off my sweater...something! I think I would melt if, when he kissed me, he cradled my face in his hand! I've just come to the realization that if I want affection, I have to ask for it.
Very, very occasionally he'll notice that I'm not my usual chipper self and then he'll offer up a hug but it would be nice to be hugged "just because".
Oh, and I never answered the question but it's a turn-on for me, obviously.
I think that there are touchy-feely people, and people who are not touchy-feely, and you can't expect either to change. I think it comes from our upbringing.
I was not raised in a physically affectionate huggy-kissy household, and I am not comfortable with it as an adult. My boyfriend's family hugs every time they see each other (and insist on hugging me every time we see each other), and I really find it weird. I am definitely not the hand-holding, touching, spooning type. He is, but not as bad as his family, so we try to compromise and I put up with a little cuddling and he puts up with a little distance. I even think "I love you" should be saved up and said only occasionally. His family says I love you at the close of every phone conversation (yick).
People raised in touchy-huggy-kissy-"I love you" households are more likely to be like that as adults. They perceive people like me as aloof, cold, or withholding. I see those touchy people as annoying and sometimes creepy.
I've even met a few people raised in my "aloof" kind of household who felt deprived of affection and became touchy-feely-huggy adults out of that sense of deprivation. I never felt deprived. I know my family loves me and they know I love them; we just don't have to demonstrate it constantly.
Good thing we have the dating process to sort out the people we aren't compatible with regarding demonstrative affection. After a few dates with touchy feely guys, I pretty much knew I needed to drop them, and they pretty much knew I wasn't right for them either.
Heheh, again I didn't mean in public In private, I'm all for being cuddly and affectionate, but would certainly respect someone's wishes if they preferred expressing it more moderately.
It really matters whether you want to constantly touch that person or let them know you're interested in private or just have periods of holding hands, kissing, etc. I'm all into kissing, holding hands, etc. but not all the time and not for someone to drape themselves all over me all the time. I've known guys that are needy and constantly want to touch you in some way. That's what I don't want.
I think there's a definite difference between affectionate and needy. Somebody being affectionate isn't necessarily being affectionate out of insecurity...they may legitimately enjoy showing and receiving affection, and it has nothing to do with security.
There really just isn't always an armchair psychology angle...by that token, one could alsojust as easily argue that aloofness is a signifier of insecurity...people pull back because they fear rejection, lack the confidence to bare themselves emotionally, etc.
Eh, I'm okay. I do like it but if it's every second of my life? Probably not. Like carlitasway said, I would like some space.
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In private, I'm all for being cuddly and affectionate, but would certainly respect someone's wishes if they preferred expressing it more moderately.
