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Old 01-14-2011, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
2,756 posts, read 3,310,922 times
Reputation: 4458

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You're being a bit harsh. there are several reasons someone might want to live with their parents in adulthood: financial; the parents need some care or assistance; and also how about just plain ol' sheer love of their family? It's been accepted and even normal in mant other (most?) parts of the world for kids to stay with their parents forever, even in some cases after marriage.
So, just because you couldn't wait to fly the coop (for what it's worth, neither could I!) it's probably best not to pass judgement on others.
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:16 PM
 
3,511 posts, read 2,501,413 times
Reputation: 1505
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
I'm never having kids. But I realize that when I'm older, I'm going to shape the world in a way that will affect the kids.
I have nothing to prove anymore. I've done my time and risked my own arse too many times to count! I still do almost every day. Did I do it for them and their parents? You bet I did!
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:28 PM
 
Location: Minnesota, USA
7,545 posts, read 8,328,409 times
Reputation: 6059
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
Over the past 5 years, I've come across people between the ages of 20 to 28 who still live with their parents. The most recent example being a young engineer recently hired at my place of work. He's 28 years old, making over $100K/year and still living with his parents. He may have student loans, but with his salary it's highly probable that he has the resources to be on his own and out of the nest.

In addition, I have discussed the issue of "self-reliance" with my own 20-something year olds and the child of a friend, who finds herself in a similar predicament. When I discussed leaving the nest with my 25 year old, she looked horrified by the thought of being on her own and burning the bridges which lead back to the nest. My friend's child has zero (0) intention of moving out anytime soon despite being a recently hired RN, with no student loans.

I'm a product of the 70's and have been on my own since the age of 19. I could not wait to leave the nest and be on my own. Due to my experience, and that of many of my peers, it's difficult to comprehend why so many young people today appear scared of being on their own.

So I ask to those of you within that age group. . .why are you so afraid of being self-reliant, independent, having the freedom to take risks, deal with failures, make tough decisions, without expecting to be bailed out or handheld by your parents?
First, a lot of parents these days ENJOY "holding" their childrens', even adult childrens', hands. I suppose a change in attitudes towards parenting and children from the Silent / Greatest Generation to the Baby Boom generation, as well as practical factors like larger houses with more bathrooms and bedrooms are the cause of this. What's the point of a 3,500 square foot house with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms if there are only 2 people living there?

Second, an argument could be made that being "independent" or "on your own" was easier in the past than it is today. I do not believe that it is harder today than it was in the 1970's in absolute terms, but it probably is when you consider the "amenities" of life young people expect today vs. what they expected in the past.

Third, it's easier to save for a house (which are a lot more expensive today than in the past) or a car when you don't have to pay for living expenses. Living at home also makes travel (which is an important ambition for many young people these days) much easier.

Fourth, adolescence has been extended dramatically. There's no arguing that. 25 is the new 18.

I really don't see anything wrong with living with your parents as an adult, as long as you contribute back in whatever way you are expected to. And then again, many people, especially middle-class and above, live in houses that could easily support 8 - 10 people (>3,000 ft^2). Do you really think it would be at all efficient for 2 people to live there? Individualism can be a good thing, but it also can cause socially inefficient expectations of "independence" when it really would be more beneficial to all to pool resources together. Hispanic cultures, in which at least girls are not expected to leave the home until marriage, are much more efficient in this respect. My mother will be absolutely heartbroken to see me leave, and my father (when he was still alive) wanted me to build my future house on our current property (we have a big yard). The same goes for parents moving in with their children in old age. My mom was planning on having her parents move in with her after we (her children) move out, but they changed their plans and are now going to live in a "high-rise", and absolutely broke her heart.

And, I forgot to mention, it's better to live with your parents than to live in sin with your girlfriend...

Last edited by tvdxer; 01-14-2011 at 05:50 PM..
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:43 PM
 
3,511 posts, read 2,501,413 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tvdxer View Post
First, a lot of parents these days ENJOY "holding" their childrens', even adult childrens', hands. I suppose a change in attitudes towards parenting and children from the Silent / Greatest Generation to the Baby Boom generation, as well as practical factors like larger houses with more bathrooms and bedrooms are the cause of this. What's the point of a 3,500 square foot house with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms if there are only 2 people living there?

Second, an argument could be made that being "independent" or "on your own" was easier in the past than it is today. I do not believe that it is harder today than it was in the 1970's in absolute terms, but it probably is when you consider the "amenities" of life young people expect today vs. what they expected in the past.


Third, it's easier to save for a house (which are a lot more expensive today than in the past) or a car when you don't have to pay for living expenses. Living at home also makes travel (which is an important ambition for many young people these days) much easier.

Fourth, adolescence has been extended dramatically. There's no arguing that. 25 is the new 18.
You never worked for the railroad and have been on "PAID" disability for the last 25 years for stubbing your toe. How about that union job that paid $20 a hour in 1980? They are long since gone. You'd be able to do $8-$10 a hour now if you were lucky. $3+ a gallon gas never helps either. At least the kids get to laugh when that 50 year old is age discriminated against and can't find work now. Naw...... never happens, right? How about heath insurance? There is your motive right there. It does happen!!! I know at least 20 guys who are dealing with that right now too! Unf*** the economy and things might be a bit different.
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:55 PM
 
3,511 posts, read 2,501,413 times
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Now, if you "cut off" your damn toe, you'd be lucky if the company didn't try to lie their way out of it. Say it didn't happen at work and make you go to a hearing, fighting, kicking and pulling every single way to wiesel out of it. My, how times have changed!
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Old 01-14-2011, 06:08 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,414,073 times
Reputation: 3354
Quote:
Originally Posted by tban View Post
Most Asians, Hispanics, and other minorities I know still live at home. It's part of the culture. Those that moved out either had a family of their own, got a job out of town, went to school, or just wanted freedom. Nowadays, most have gone back home because of unemployment.

It's common in my culture. Now if the parents wanted them out, then they were out.

Yes, this is not uncommon for some cultures. In my own family, we do stay home later then most. It's not a sign of failure or hand holding. My children are in their 20's and will stay home until they want to leave. But they will probably live very close to me on our piece of property.

All my brothers stayed home until the married in their 30's and 40's. I was the only one that left at 18 y.o. only to come back later with my children to help out my mother.

The kids and I now have our own home but we regularly go see my mother a couple of times a month or more to make sure she is ok and that she is not lonely. She really has never been alone and she is 76 y.o.
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Old 01-14-2011, 06:19 PM
 
Location: California
25,630 posts, read 17,196,509 times
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Get used to it. If things don't improve economically it's going to be the norm like it is many other places around the world. Families work together for financial security, and it makes little sense for each kid to go out and rent their own place across town as soon as they turn 18 or 21 or whatever just to say they did it. If you don't get along with your family or there is lack of respect that's one thing, otherwise you can see why it may be considered a waste of $$.

Lot's of things that Americans consider normal and appropriate are going to change whether people like it or not.
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Old 01-14-2011, 07:03 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX, USA
5,126 posts, read 7,242,608 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tvdxer View Post
Third, it's easier to save for a house (which are a lot more expensive today than in the past) or a car when you don't have to pay for living expenses. Living at home also makes travel (which is an important ambition for many young people these days) much easier
Heck yes! I was between jobs and unsure of what to do after completing an Associate's degree. My parents gave me time to figure out what I wanted to do next. Granted, they didn't let me just hang out on the couch and that's not my style either. If I had an apartment at this time, I probably would have searched for any job to make ends meet whether or not it was a good thing for me later as far as job experience. I finished a bachelor's degree at 24.

Quote:
Hispanic cultures, in which at least girls are not expected to leave the home until marriage, are much more efficient in this respect.

And, I forgot to mention, it's better to live with your parents than to live in sin with your girlfriend..
My parents would probably cut my head off if I did live with someone before marriage. I mean not literally but it would bring a lot of embarrassment to the family and I wanted to make sure I made them proud.
The tide is changing though.
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Old 01-14-2011, 08:02 PM
 
14,571 posts, read 8,974,266 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
There's a happy medium between kicking your kids out the day after they graduate highschool and breastfeeding them until 30. Why can't people just find a happy medium? Why does it have to be one extreme or the other?
Now come on nimchimpsky! What fun would that be on an anonymous message board? LOL
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Old 01-14-2011, 09:13 PM
 
1,622 posts, read 1,654,871 times
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Well, let me start by congratulating us all in not veering from the subject matter of this thread. To all of you with an inherent sense of "entitlement," my hat's off to you'ze for this one night! ha! ha!

In continuing with the subject at hand, I had a long conversation with my youngest (i.e., my 20 year old) child tonight over dinner. We touched upon this subject as we have in recent months. Of the three, my youngest is the one who best understands where I'm coming from on this subject. She may not entirely agree with all my points of view, and that is perfectly fine. We respect our positions, and respectfully disagree when necessary. That is awesome!

One thing my child explained to me is how the differences is our upbringing has a lot to do with the amount of effort we put into changing our existing situation (not bad for a 20 year old with a sense of entitlement). She pointed out how my upbringing is a total contrast to her suburban upbringing. Therefore, my desperation to "get out" was greater than hers and that of her older siblings.

So, I have to admit that tonight, I have been enlightened by someone within the age group whom I accuse of being afraid of life. It may not change my fear factor opinion but, I admit that I was pleasantly surprised to hear such observations, especially from my own child.
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