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I think Malkiel's biggest issue is how he doesn't care enough about her. He said he'd gladly have sex with her. Clearly, he's attracted to her. But he said he doesn't want her as a girlfriend. It sounds like he might be using her just so he's not eating alone, and he'd be willing to use her for sex. Maybe he's hoping she'll put out if he takes her to dinner. He's just not interested in a relationship.
That's what I don't understand either. Why not have your male friends go to the restaurant with you? Or are you trying to appear as if you are a winner with the girls in public?
Why do people make such a big deal about going to dinner (or hanging out alone in other circumstances too) with opposite sex friends? Personally, I go to dinner alone with friends of both genders, but prefer female friends. They're better dinner company. They converse with me more and so long as they're not new friends (though apparently that's not the case with the OP since she appears to be a new friend), it's less awkward than going out alone with a male friend.
Homophobia is widespread in this country. I have one male friend that I've been to dinner with multiple times without any homophobia crap entering in, only one. But I can go out to dinner with my closest female friend and have nice long conversations, share food, etc., without her or anyone else giving it a second thought. Last time I went out to dinner with one of my male friends on the other hand, he changed his dinner order because I ordered the same thing as him and that's too in danger of being gay apparently. While some friends are good for all sorts of activities, different gender friends are good for different things sometimes. I can ask a female friend out to dinner and a movie. A lot of people might consider that too "date-like," but if you're going to restrict what you can do with opposite sex friends by eliminating everything that a girlfriend/boyfriend would do, then there's no point in having opposite sex friends in the first place. I can go out to dinner and a movie with my male friends too-if they get over the homophobia crap of spending all that time alone with another guy at a restaurant and movie theater-but it's more fun with with a woman. And doing so certainly doesn't have to come with alternative motives such as "appearing as a winner with girls in public."
Why do people make such a big deal about going to dinner (or hanging out alone in other circumstances too) with opposite sex friends? Personally, I go to dinner alone with friends of both genders, but prefer female friends. They're better dinner company. They converse with me more and so long as they're not new friends (though apparently that's not the case with the OP since she appears to be a new friend), it's less awkward than going out alone with a male friend.
Homophobia is widespread in this country. I have one male friend that I've been to dinner with multiple times without any homophobia crap entering in, only one. But I can go out to dinner with my closest female friend and have nice long conversations, share food, etc., without her or anyone else giving it a second thought. Last time I went out to dinner with one of my male friends on the other hand, he changed his dinner order because I ordered the same thing as him and that's too in danger of being gay apparently. While some friends are good for all sorts of activities, different gender friends are good for different things sometimes. I can ask a female friend out to dinner and a movie. A lot of people might consider that too "date-like," but if you're going to restrict what you can do with opposite sex friends by eliminating everything that a girlfriend/boyfriend would do, then there's no point in having opposite sex friends in the first place. I can go out to dinner and a movie with my male friends too-if they get over the homophobia crap of spending all that time alone with another guy at a restaurant and movie theater-but it's more fun with with a woman. And doing so certainly doesn't have to come with alternative motives such as "appearing as a winner with girls in public."
You make a good point. Opposite sex friends CAN do the same things boyfriends and girlfriends do. A boyfriend/girlfriend is just a glorified friend.
Why do people make such a big deal about going to dinner (or hanging out alone in other circumstances too) with opposite sex friends? Personally, I go to dinner alone with friends of both genders, but prefer female friends. They're better dinner company. They converse with me more and so long as they're not new friends (though apparently that's not the case with the OP since she appears to be a new friend), it's less awkward than going out alone with a male friend.
Homophobia is widespread in this country. I have one male friend that I've been to dinner with multiple times without any homophobia crap entering in, only one. But I can go out to dinner with my closest female friend and have nice long conversations, share food, etc., without her or anyone else giving it a second thought. Last time I went out to dinner with one of my male friends on the other hand, he changed his dinner order because I ordered the same thing as him and that's too in danger of being gay apparently. While some friends are good for all sorts of activities, different gender friends are good for different things sometimes. I can ask a female friend out to dinner and a movie. A lot of people might consider that too "date-like," but if you're going to restrict what you can do with opposite sex friends by eliminating everything that a girlfriend/boyfriend would do, then there's no point in having opposite sex friends in the first place. I can go out to dinner and a movie with my male friends too-if they get over the homophobia crap of spending all that time alone with another guy at a restaurant and movie theater-but it's more fun with with a woman. And doing so certainly doesn't have to come with alternative motives such as "appearing as a winner with girls in public."
Before I visited city-data, I had no idea about this attitude and even found it unbelievable at first sight.
Must be a certain part of the US. It's just such an everyday occurence where I live -- no one really cares about who eats dinner together.
That people would actually consider it socially unacceptable for guys to have dinner at a cafe or a restaurant or a movie sounds really strange to me, and I've spent my whole life taking it for granted. What activities are guys supposed to do with their guy friends then?
Before I visited city-data, I had no idea about this attitude and even found it unbelievable at first sight.
Must be a certain part of the US. It's just such an everyday occurence where I live -- no one really cares about who eats dinner together.
That people would actually consider it socially unacceptable for guys to have dinner at a cafe or a restaurant or a movie sounds really strange to me, and I've spent my whole life taking it for granted. What activities are guys supposed to do with their guy friends then?
Most guys hang out with a large group of guys and ideally with girls mixed into them. Have you ever heard of the term sausage fest?
Everytime I ask my male friends for dinner they'll want at least several guys. Also, most would want a girl to come along. It's much harder to find a guy to have dinner with than a girl.
"I hear people say that you can't be friends with women.... that guys always want something more."
This is just nonsense. My husband's best friend for the past 25 years is female. I have many male friends who have had decades-long platonic friendships with women. It's a total myth that guys "always want more." If they're not sexually/physically attracted to the woman, there's nothing there.
"I hear people say that you can't be friends with women.... that guys always want something more."
This is just nonsense. My husband's best friend for the past 25 years is female. I have many male friends who have had decades-long platonic friendships with women. It's a total myth that guys "always want more." If they're not sexually/physically attracted to the woman, there's nothing there.
Even if we're just friends, I prefer to be friends with attractive women.
Friends with benefits is the new thing these days so say good bye to the platonic opposite sex friendship (joking).
You are right, friends with benefits is the new thing. Sex, friendship, no strings, if thats possible. Remember on Seinfeld, Jerry and Elaine, Rule #1 "No phone calls the next day".#2 "Spending the night is optional"
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