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Ok, so I'm 26, and dating someone recently divorced is new to me. I met this guy a few months ago, who had gotten divorced this summer due to infidelity. He started calling me and such and was incredibly eager to get to know me. I was very reluctant at first, explaining to him I was weary of being his rebound, etc. He managed to convince me that he was over that, that he liked me. He started out like most dating scenarios do, he was eager to make plans, kept in contact with me and such. Then all of a sudden he just stopped. He told me that he was kind of messed up still, wasn't ready for a relationship, but still wanted to spend time with me. I was ok with that, as I had just gotten out of a long term relationship prior to meeting the guy. I'm still dating the guy, I see him a few times a week, but I'm starting to maybe feel more of an attachment to him. I guess my question for anyone who knows what is going through a guy's head in this situation is: should I stick with this or walk away?
I doubt that I'll be much help as I have little experience with the recently divorced, but I have read that men on the rebound will start out very eager and then all of a sudden their feelings of attraction will just stop as they enter another stage of their divorce journey. It sounds like this may have happened with yours but he probably feels bad that he feels that way so has chosen to stick around and see if he gets the feelings back again. Still if you feel that he's forcing it, I'd probably take at least a break from him. Was the adultery on his end or hers?
The trouble with divorcing people is that as soon as they start to feel a little better they think they're over it, and they don't realize that these feelings come in waves. If she was cheating on him, he probably has some deepseated anger.
I would think that decision would be up to you, if you wanted to go through his stages of being recently divorced with him, or tell him to give you a call when he feels better!
I doubt that I'll be much help as I have little experience with the recently divorced, but I have read that men on the rebound will start out very eager and then all of a sudden their feelings of attraction will just stop as they enter another stage of their divorce journey. It sounds like this may have happened with yours but he probably feels bad that he feels that way so has chosen to stick around and see if he gets the feelings back again. Still if you feel that he's forcing it, I'd probably take at least a break from him. Was the adultery on his end or hers?
The trouble with divorcing people is that as soon as they start to feel a little better they think they're over it, and they don't realize that these feelings come in waves. If she was cheating on him, he probably has some deepseated anger.
My sister-in-law has a plaque on her kitchen wall which says,
"Love isn't about whom you can live with, but whom you can't live without." If you know that you have to be with him for good, that's one thing. If you feel that you have more emotion invested in the relationship than he does, that's another.
I recommend a break in seeing one another so that the distance will allow you to clear your head.
My sister-in-law has a plaque on her kitchen wall which says,
"Love isn't about whom you can live with, but whom you can't live without." If you know that you have to be with him for good, that's one thing. If you feel that you have more emotion invested in the relationship than he does, that's another.
I recommend a break in seeing one another so that the distance will allow you to clear your head.
Ok, so I'm 26, and dating someone recently divorced is new to me. I met this guy a few months ago, who had gotten divorced this summer due to infidelity. He started calling me and such and was incredibly eager to get to know me. I was very reluctant at first, explaining to him I was weary of being his rebound, etc. He managed to convince me that he was over that, that he liked me. He started out like most dating scenarios do, he was eager to make plans, kept in contact with me and such. Then all of a sudden he just stopped. He told me that he was kind of messed up still, wasn't ready for a relationship, but still wanted to spend time with me. I was ok with that, as I had just gotten out of a long term relationship prior to meeting the guy. I'm still dating the guy, I see him a few times a week, but I'm starting to maybe feel more of an attachment to him. I guess my question for anyone who knows what is going through a guy's head in this situation is: should I stick with this or walk away?
Walk away. When a man says he isn't ready for a relationship, BELIEVE HIM. they don't lie about that. He isn't ready to date. And once he IS ready to date, he will dump you because you are a part of his transitional phase. I know it will be a bit painful to walk away now, but believe me, the pain you are going to feel later will be much worse. I am speaking from personal experience, sad to say!
Walk away. When a man says he isn't ready for a relationship, BELIEVE HIM. they don't lie about that. He isn't ready to date. And once he IS ready to date, he will dump you because you are a part of his transitional phase. I know it will be a bit painful to walk away now, but believe me, the pain you are going to feel later will be much worse. I am speaking from personal experience, sad to say!
He might be ready to date. But he doesn't want anything serious, not yet at least.
Ok, so I'm 26, and dating someone recently divorced is new to me. I met this guy a few months ago, who had gotten divorced this summer due to infidelity. He started calling me and such and was incredibly eager to get to know me. I was very reluctant at first, explaining to him I was weary of being his rebound, etc. He managed to convince me that he was over that, that he liked me. He started out like most dating scenarios do, he was eager to make plans, kept in contact with me and such. Then all of a sudden he just stopped. He told me that he was kind of messed up still, wasn't ready for a relationship, but still wanted to spend time with me. I was ok with that, as I had just gotten out of a long term relationship prior to meeting the guy. I'm still dating the guy, I see him a few times a week, but I'm starting to maybe feel more of an attachment to him. I guess my question for anyone who knows what is going through a guy's head in this situation is: should I stick with this or walk away?
Yes, you were a rebound. The trouble with people who are rebounding, is that they can't see their actions and feelings for what they are--they're too close to the situation to understand it clearly. So this guy may have honestly thought he WAS ready to move on... there might have been no harmful intent at all.
After divorce, many people are desperate for comfort, for having that cozy couple-y feeling again and to not let the divorce side-track their life. Consequently, many jump into relationships before they're truly ready, often without even realizing it.
The thing of it is, I don't think it's a good idea to have a false relationship, or to pretend that things are okay when they're not. You guys were dating in a normalish fashion and then he freaked out and backed way off. Common sense says that this guy is NOT ready to date, not yet. Continuing to date, just dating less doesn't make much sense to me because I don't think it addresses the issue. This guy needs to take some time off, evaluate where he is, get his head in a better place as a single guy and then when he's truly READY to be in a relationship, start pursuing a relationship once again. If he keeps quasi-dating you while offering "nothing serious" he will never get the space and distance needed to clear his head and be ready to be a real partner. Eventually what you have right now will just fizzle.
I would tell him nicely that you really like him, understand he's not ready, and that you're looking for something that can eventually grow to be serious. Tell him that if/when he's spent some time processing and is ready to date seriously again, he can give you a call. If you're still single, you'll consider giving it another go.
Right now you have given all your power away, are licking up his scraps and that unbalance of power is unhealthy in a relationship. Again, he may have no bad intent, but you two are setting up something that isn't going to be healthy for either of you.
He might be ready to date. But he doesn't want anything serious, not yet at least.
He is "ready to date" for fun as a distraction from his feelings of being abandoned, and for sex to keep him from feeling emasculated by the fact his wife cheated on him.
Been there, done that, it will not work out for the OP, let's be honest and helpful.
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