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Tons of people have affairs, and mainly because marriage is unrealistic.
Actually, marriage is wonderfully realistic; what's unrealistic (for most people) is a commitment to life-long monogamy. The core of marriage is a commitment of the heart. It is about love and mutual support. Commitment to monogamy is simply not necessary, and generally leads to disappointment, unnecessarily destructive jealousy, and an unnecessarily high divorce rate.
For all those who have slated me and given harsh words - I'm not proud of my actions and I am looking to do what's best, but if you think that I'm not common than you are not living in reality. Tons of people have affairs, and mainly because marriage is unrealistic. All I need to know is if there are people who have experienced the same, what are your experiences and outcomes?
Shame on you for trying to make your having an affair appear a common occurrence. As if that makes it right or somehow justifiable.
Marriage or any committed relationship is not unrealistic. Many people have successful, happy marriages.
You chose to sleep with another woman, you chose to take your affections outside your marriage and you are the one choosing not to take responsibility for making a decision whether to stay or leave.
I think you are trying to weasel out some support for yourself.
Man up, leave your wife or stop having an affair and make your marriage work.
Commitment to monogamy is simply not necessary, and generally leads to disappointment, unnecessarily destructive jealousy, and an unnecessarily high divorce rate.
To which I say bullsh**.
Monogamy is important to maintain trust. And not only for the wife.
I'm pretty sure most of the happily married people here are in monogamous relationships, not because they have to, but because they want to be the one and only sexual partner.
Monogamy is important to maintain trust. And not only for the wife.
Monogamy is not necessary for maintaining trust unless you specifically make a commitment to monogamy, and even then it is not really the non-monogamy in itself that is the core issue, it is the dishonesty involved in cheating. What's actually at the core of maintaining trust is honesty (with oneself and others) and open communication. These are just as central to successful non-monogamy as they are to monogamy.
Monogamy is not necessary for maintaining trust unless you specifically make a commitment to monogamy, and even then it is not really the non-monogamy in itself that is the core issue, it is the dishonesty involved in cheating. What's actually at the core of maintaining trust is honesty (with oneself and others) and open communication. These are just as central to successful non-monogamy as they are to monogamy.
If people CHOOSE to have an open relationship then good for them.
The OP however, has chosen an affair. I hardly think it's fair to his wife to suddenly bring up the open relationship idea when he's already dipping his fingers in a different pie. That would be the height of selfishness.
He needs to sort his marriage out or end it in my opinion.
my advice:tell your wife the truth (have so much dignity and not be a coward human being,take responsabilities for you actions) separate immediatelly.Your wife deserve something better then a liar,a cheater in her life.You broke the vase!!!like we say in Europe.You can try to fix a broken vase,glue it and so on,but it will never be the same.The same with your marriage.You broke it,you ruined the trust.A marriage is supposed to be build on trust,honesty,corectitude,values that you do not have.There is a man outside for her,who has these qualities,she deserves so much better. You deserve to be better with someone like this other woman: also a cheater,liar person with no values like you are.In fact you match much better with her,then with your wife.
For all those who have slated me and given harsh words - I'm not proud of my actions and I am looking to do what's best, but if you think that I'm not common than you are not living in reality. Tons of people have affairs, and mainly because marriage is unrealistic. All I need to know is if there are people who have experienced the same, what are your experiences and outcomes?
Trying to justify your bad behavior. What is the outcome? The outcome is divorce. That's the outcome, Dave.
First, you are an adulterer, second a liar. Your wife deserves better than you, offer her a divorce, then ask for forgiveness, because you are surely going to Hell.
No advice, you wouldn't take it. You know you are wrong, and still you trangress. I hope she takes you to the cleaners.
Having been cheated on and just now completing a divorce I can say your wife is a victim. As long as you continue this you continue to vitimize her. I'm not being holier than thou saying this, in my youth I once became involved with a woman in a relationship which escalated into sex and emotional involvement. It took a friend to slap me back into reality with harsh words which were a bitter pill to swallow but swallow I did. I told the man what I had done and broke it off with her. Looked in the mirror and hated myself for a while. Its not a mistake I will ever make again because its not who I am, I had lost my way and made a terrible mistake which I will always remember. I put myself and my own desires before others including a woman who I believed I loved but if I had really loved her I would have encouraged her to do the right thing and fix it or end it instead of fanning the flames of my own desire.
You have lost your way. You have lost your moral compass. Until you end this in one fashion or another you will not find your way again. Like my soon to be ex-wife you are probably not a bad person but you are doing something which is by strict definition despicable. Until you set your feet upon a path which does not include the lies and deceptions which you are currently employing on your wife, yourself, and your lover you are going to stay in a bad place that includes you being something that I would hope you do not want. There may be no good outcome but there can at least be an end and the healing can begin for all involved.
If you decide to leave your wife there are a lot of things that you should consider before doing so. Affairs are exciting for the ones having it, but that's when it is still considered an affair. The sneaking around, and that feeling of being wanted by two women probably boost your ego to know limits. But you will probably be the one who loses. Consider the what "ifs" before you make your decision.
1. What if this woman I am having an affair with goes back to her husband after I leave my wife?
2. What if she turns out to be a completely different person than she was when our relationship was considered an affair? (usually happens)
3. Will this woman leave me for another man, like she did to her husband for me?
4. Will I be as attracted to her when the honeymoon stage of our relationship is over?
No matter what you decide your wife deserves to know what you have done. There is no worse feeling than thinking that you are in a relationship that is going great and then you come home to find out your SO has left you for someone else. Through experience a marriage can be mended even after an affair, but first you have to be truthful with what you have done/doing. But it takes work.
You never know, she could of found a hot sexy ass man, that loves to do to her what you wont and is having an affair behind your back to. Wouldn't that make it more interesting.
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Having an affair.. need advice
, second a liar
