Moved for Husband's Job and I ain't Happy. (marry, guy, single)

[NY Annie]

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

You seem like a reasonable person, and I do get the good intentions behind your approach to the exercise in compromise, but the bolded above really troubles me. I know I couldn't live content knowing my wife was silently waiting to bolt. Thorns don't kill you, you know what they do? They get infected with time, and then they kill you. Ticking time bombs are not my idea of "for better or for worse".

You miss the point. "Fake it till you make it" does not mean waiting to bolt. It means putting your best foot and face forward. It means trying to accept the situation. It means working on acceptance. It means that you are actually making lemonade. It is a POSITIVE approach, not a ticking time bomb.

Fake it till you make it is a tried and true method of making change within one's self. It works to change your own attitude. It isn't something you do to bide time with resentment; but a means to accept the situation with grace and, perhaps, even enjoyment.

[fallingwater]

Originally Posted by NY Annie

You miss the point. "Fake it till you make it" does not mean waiting to bolt. It means putting your best foot and face forward. It means trying to accept the situation. It means working on acceptance. It means that you are actually making lemonade. It is a POSITIVE approach, not a ticking time bomb.

Fake it till you make it is a tried and true method of making change within one's self. It works to change your own attitude. It isn't something you do to bide time with resentment; but a means to accept the situation with grace and, perhaps, even enjoyment.

Yes! I am glad you understand what I mean. People fake it all the time to make it. I am not saying to hide pure misery (which I do not think is really possible) but more or less giving something a honest try even when you don't want to.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by Magritte25

It doesn't matter if you don't understand why she didn't want to leave Maine. Everyone is different and she was happy there. Her dear ole hubby already had 3 go's at relocating. Now it's her turn.

Wonder if the shoe was on the other foot, how some of you would react.

It's not about "It's my turn now" but more about what is better for their marriage, economic situation, etc.

Sometimes I wonder if women overuse the word "control" just when they don't get things their way.

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by onihC

It's not about "It's my turn now" but more about what is better for their marriage, economic situation, etc.

Sometimes I wonder if women overuse the word "control" just when they don't get things their way.

Yeah, sure, that's it. How many times do they move for the husband's jobs?

[onihC]

Originally Posted by Magritte25

Yeah, sure, that's it. How many times do they move for the husband's jobs?

Don’t you girls like the guy to be your provider? Unless you prefer him to stay home while you bring the dough. Depends on the situation. If his job ends up paying more, why not move for a bigger opportunity? If her job pays more and she doesn’t mind taking care of the bills or having her husband stay home to take care of the kids and it works for them, that’s their thing.

It is not an issue of “control” as women seem to say when not getting things their way in many cases but about what works best for the couple.

[donie1]

Since the OP has never come back, we really don't know what type of jobs she had. So for me, it's moot to continue this conversation until she comes back and let's us know what type of job she had. It really does make a difference.

I still believe in what I wrote in #28.

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by onihC

Don’t you girls like the guy to be your provider? Unless you prefer him to stay home while you bring the dough. Depends on the situation. If his job ends up paying more, why not move for a bigger opportunity? If her job pays more and she doesn’t mind taking care of the bills or having her husband stay home to take care of the kids and it works for them, that’s their thing.

It is not an issue of “control” as women seem to say when not getting things their way in many cases but about what works best for the couple.

Uh no. Us women like to be treated as equal partners in the relationship; not the little lady. Pay isn't always and shouldn't always be the end goal of life.

Not getting her way? She moved THREE TIMES for this guy's jobs. Enough is enough.

[Gerania]

Three times in a year is a bit much. Three times in a career is nothing. Whomever has the better job, the bigger paycheck (preferably with benefits) is king, or queen, of the hill. You do what you have to do.

Years ago, after the first big, disorienting move, I became rather addicted to moving. I liked figuring out new roads, finding places to shop, meeting the neighbors, eating in restaurants new to me. There is comfort in all things familiar and routine, but it is not necessarily the end all, be all, the only path.

Third move in a year would now push me over the edge. I've done that, though I was much younger than I am now.

I think that it depends upon the relationship of those two. In for a penny, in for a pound. If not, cash in and go your separate ways.

[danielj72]

Originally Posted by doegirl

The story. Me and the DH moved from the Hudson Valley to Maine. I found a job right away, but the DH had difficulty. Understandable, so I told him I would relocate anywhere in the state.
One of his friends,in upstate NY, then calls and offers him a part of his HVAC company to run. Generous offer that has, unfortunately, caused me a great deal of distress.
I loved Maine and did not want to leave. I had a good job. I already left two jobs to relocate in the past year and really just want to settle down.
I am now starting my 3rd job in a year in a state I just cannot stand
Maybe I'm being selfish, but just feels like I'm being used. My career has taken a hit and I'm not at all at peace with my environment.
Anybody else here have gone though something similiar? Thoughts?

I understand how you feel. I used to live in Upper Michigan and I loved it there. Actually it is kinda like a midwest verison of what you had in Maine. Lots of woods, hills, waterfalls and of course the Lake superior shoreline. My wife wanted to be near her family and she got a good job offer near her hometown, which is 250 miles south in central lower michigan. There are worse places to be, but I dont like it here. Nothing but cornfields here, flat land, all the negative sterotypes of the midwest. I want to go back to upper michigan, and my wife now understands why I didnt want to be here. The problem is that with the economy we are now kinda stuck. Selling houses is not easy, and we both have decent jobs here. I guess I have to live with this place a bit longer but that does not mean I like it. No one likes to be forced to live somewhere they do not want to be.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by Magritte25

Not getting her way? She moved THREE TIMES for this guy's jobs. Enough is enough.

So it is more about her getting her way just because they have moved 3 times? It’s more of a “hey! It’s my turn now buster” rather than “Hey! Your job pays more and its best for our marriage”?

You rather live limited just to feel that you got things your way? You rather have your guy not take you out to fancy dinners, wine, travelling, etc. just to say you got things your way? It’s not like the husband is moving for a job just to get things his way. That would be somewhat immature and unhealthy for the marriage just to do something to get things going his way.

Ask yourself if moving to another place is better for your marriage (better opportunities, better lifestyle, better economy, safer area, etc.) or if this is just to get things your way?