Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There is admittedly somewhat of an age gap (she is younger than me, but of legal age). Without disclosing my exact age (for privacy reasons), I'll just say that I am in my very early 30s.
How can you really be in true love without ever having met in person? I'd really be cautious about focusing on all the love talk without first meeting face to face.
I think if you knew just how totally sweet and affectionate she was, you might believe as I do; that it really could be, the real deal! I've never come across another single girl, ever, quite like her. She literally has the heart, of an angel.
Just work on being best friends first.
Friendship, is grossly overrated IMO -- what is mere friendship, when you can have love instead? (The other risk of friendship, in my own experience, is being banished, to the "friend zone".)
And when you finally meet face to face, take the romance slowly. Be realistic.
Good points; agreed with you here.
Right now, the two of you have only shown the other person your best sides... you don't know the whole person.
True -- but I *want* to know, the whole person, lol! I'm not worried, about that at all...
And why on earth can't the two of you find "love" closer to where you live?
You might be surprised, just how hard it is, to find real love, especially in the geographic region where I'm at. But I am tethered to my job here. 15+ years of searching for love here, with no luck whatsoever.
There are many times where I actually wish, that I had the career flexibility to go places like the mid-West and the South, where girls are said to be nicer.
See, now, this is the problem with relationships that are carried on entirely on a screen. You end up with a one-dimensional perspective of the person. Almost like a mirror, reflecting back to you your exact fantasy.
This is not true love, it is an illusion. All the gaps that are missing because you are not interacting face to face in three dimensions are filled in by the imagination, until you end up with a description like the one above, which is basically that of a talking doll.
Keep in mind though, I have been talking to her, for almost 6 months now, and usually every day -- and also in that time period, getting to know her a lot better.
Quote:
Meet this girl asap, please, before you get into things any deeper. I am not saying things won't work out--I have met many friends online over the years. But I will say the one thing they all had in common is that they were all very different from what I imagined and expected them to be--although not always in a bad way.
Be careful, Knight. And good luck, I really hope this works out for you.
An excellent suggestion, and something I hope to remedy, at my earliest possible opportunity.
Don't afraid of the friend zone. Obviously, she thinks of you in romantic terms. But being good friends also will elevate your current relationship beyond the numerous ILY's from her and also help with you not becoming boring to her.
With my boyfriend, being each others best friend also helps keep us enjoying each other's company, even after living together for six years. We are well matched intellectually and in personality. We can talk for hours about interesting topics, we like doing the same activities. We never get bored of each other. It's a strong long term relationship. Our relationship is much more than holding hands, cuddling and making love.
With my previous boyfriends, we didn't have enough interests in common. They weren't as intellectual as me and eventually after a few years, I did get very bored being with them. Great sex wasn't enough of a glue to keep us together.
The average length of time for a crush/infatuation is about 5-7 years. And a lot of couples do fall apart after that timespan.
So... would she eventually move to where you work and live? Or any plans to move closer to her?
^^^ Exactly!!! If she is so sweet and perfect, why aren't the guys that live around her beating down her door to ask her out?
She's a sweetheart, but she's also *very* shy too, which I think has been an obstacle to her finding love. Like I said in my earlier post, this is also technically, her very first relationship with anyone.
Quote:
What makes you so special to her?
The magical ingredient that makes her so special to me, is how kind, loving, and gentle, she is to me. Not joking -- from talking to her for almost 6 months now, she has a huge, and very caring and compassionate, heart. That's what I love most, about her -- her compassion.
Quote:
I understand the appeal of an online friend that seems so special. When you are online chatting, it seems that all of their attention is just on you. And when you do it at night, it seems that they enjoy your company above all others. And for the girls, it starts out as a very safe flirt because of the lack of physical contact. And while you are chatting, you are both polite and on your best behavior. You don't see her crankiness when things aren't going her way or she's tired.
As I mentioned in my earlier post, she and started out as friends -- what changed, was when she asked me for more than friends. She has assured me that she wants to be exclusive with each other, and I trust her 100%, as she does me. We have also had some serious conversations where we discussed differences in thought, but even then, we were entirely respectful of each other. There was even a brief episode where there could have potentially been conflict or an argument, but we defused the situation by calmly being patiently and completely open (and trusting) about what each other had to say, which in the end turned out to be be due to a simple misunderstanding.
Quote:
She's only going to send you pictures of herself when she looks her best.
That's not a problem for me; not worried about that
Quote:
Anyway, just be careful that the two of you don't imagine each other to be a lot more than you really are. She's just a girl like any of the girls in your neighborhood, town or city.
Most gals my age in the DC area do not exactly have a reputation for being "nice" More like uber-ambitious, aggressive, party-gals, no-nonsense, NY princess type personalities. And *extremely choosy*, about male love interests. They put their career and climbing the career ladder, above all else, even love (not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but you do pay a price for it, in the end). I'm not saying *all* girls here are like that...but, upwards of like 90%, is a safe bet.
Quote:
I met my boyfriend online. However, we were only friends at first, and we had many common interests like motorsports and science. There was no love talk online. And it took several months AFTER we met face to face that we started dating. AND he had the ability to move up to MA to work and be with me.
After being put into the friend zone literally all my life, I am not big on "mixing" friendship and love -- I only got burned and lost relationships with ppl I cared about, when I tried things that way. In fact, even with the current gal, I probably would have not have asked her for more than friendship, but she herself ended up asking me for more, which was a treasure and a joy. But now that she and I are "more than friends", we can't exactly go back -- and I wouldn't want to. Having someone's love, is incomparable, to having only their friendship.
Quote:
After the two of you finally meet, and if things work out, it will then be very frustrating for the both of you if you can't move to be loser to each other. Does one of you have plans to move across country?
Yes -- she is willing to move / relocate for me, as soon as she is able, since I am somewhat tied down to my job here working for Uncle Sam in DC.
Don't afraid of the friend zone. Obviously, she thinks of you in romantic terms. But being good friends also will elevate your current relationship beyond the numerous ILY's from her and also help with you not becoming boring to her.
With my boyfriend, being each others best friend also helps keep us enjoying each other's company, even after living together for six years. We are well matched intellectually and in personality. We can talk for hours about interesting topics, we like doing the same activities. We never get bored of each other. It's a strong long term relationship. Our relationship is much more than holding hands, cuddling and making love.
With my previous boyfriends, we didn't have enough interests in common. They weren't as intellectual as me and eventually after a few years, I did get very bored being with them. Great sex wasn't enough of a glue to keep us together.
The average length of time for a crush/infatuation is about 5-7 years. And a lot of couples do fall apart after that timespan.
So... would she eventually move to where you work and live? Or any plans to move closer to her?
In addition to being in a relationship with her, sure I am more than happy, to be her friend. I want to be the best, most caring friend to her, in addition to being her b/f. It's not a mutually-exclusive thing, for me The problem becomes when one person cares romantically about someone, but the other person doesn't. 98.999% of the time, the latter has been my experience, which is something I don't' really want to repeat. Relationship with a caring friendship together, with her? Absolutely! I just want to stay away from the friend zone, as conventionally defined. And yes, she and I have talked for hours and hours, about interesting topics, etc.
As for the physical intimacy factor itself, I could care less about that, right now anyway -- I am, have been, and will be, fully celibate until a marriage to the right girl. The girl I am with atm, understands and respects that (she is also a virgin btw).
And yes to answer your other question, she is willing, and is planning, to relocate for me
She's a sweetheart, but she's also *very* shy too, which I think has been an obstacle to her finding love. Like I said in my earlier post, this is also technically, her very first relationship with anyone.
The magical ingredient that makes her so special to me, is how kind, loving, and gentle, she is to me. Not joking -- from talking to her for almost 6 months now, she has a huge, and very caring and compassionate, heart. That's what I love most, about her -- her compassion.
How did the two of you find each other online?
Otherwise, I would still exercise some caution on your part. I know of many instances where the woman started out as being meek and sweet in temperament, then once married and becoming comfortable in the relationship, turned into controlling b*tches. With a purely online correspondence, you can never be 100% sure of the other person. And six months is not a very long time to keep up an act.
Of course, city and career girls come off tougher. They have to, in order to survive.
Man this sounds like a heartbreak waiting to happen. DUDE! You know NOTHING about this girl. NOTHING. You've never met her, and you haven't even seen her on a web-cam for crying out loud. I'm not trying to be the voice of doom...but I am trying to be the voice of reason.
Put a cap in that cupid-struck leak in your heart until you meet this chick and actually learn something about her. She could be taking you for a very long, very expensive ride.
Lol...we happened to be talking, over the same online message board / chat forum. She was so very sweet that we began talking a lot, on a regular basis, and then everyday...
Quote:
Otherwise, I would still exercise some caution on your part. I know of many instances where the woman started out as being meek and sweet in temperament, then once married and becoming comfortable in the relationship, turned into controlling b*tches.
With a purely online correspondence, you can never be 100% sure of the other person. And six months is not a very long time to keep up an act.
You're 100% right; thanks for pointing that out. In fact, although it was just a relationship and not a marriage per se, that was exactly what ended up happening to me in the previous relationship that I was in, right before this one (girl who seemed gentle and sweet, turns out to be an absolute verbally and emotionally-abusive monster, after I actually visit her). Which is why the points other posters were making about trying to arrange to visit the current gal as soon as possible, are certainly very valid.
Although I admit I could be wrong, I honestly don't think this girl is acting, though...she comes across as entirely sincere. I have no reason at all to distrust or doubt her. I am certain that by treating her 100% right, I could prevent her from becoming the kind of changeling, you had cited above. In that regard, me being her very first b/f, could actually be a pleasant and positive advantage in this case, since she hasn't yet been hurt by any guys yet, that would make her be more likely to become bitter. (This *wasn't* the case with previous relationship, since that girl was dumped after being engaged for 7 years -- and that changed her drastically.)
Of course, city and career girls come off tougher. They have to, in order to survive.[/quote]
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've never come across another single girl, ever, quite like her. She literally has the heart, of an angel.
(The other risk of friendship, in my own experience, is being banished, to the "friend zone".)
More like uber-ambitious, aggressive, party-gals, no-nonsense, NY princess type personalities. And *extremely choosy*, about male love interests. They put their career and climbing the career ladder, above all else, even love (not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but you do pay a price for it, in the end). I'm not saying *all* girls here are like that...but, upwards of like 90%, is a safe bet.
