U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-18-2011, 09:12 AM
 
1,177 posts, read 1,177,307 times
Reputation: 1030

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ATXIronHorse View Post
My wife and I were together for 11 years, married for 3 1/2. We had a wonderful relationship. We did everything together. I bought her flowers, I opened doors. We left love notes for each other throughout the house. We got married on a beautiful little island in the Puget Sound between Canada and Washington state.

In August she returned to the town she grew up in out of state for an extended visit. One of her plans was to visit 2 ex-boyfriends and catch up. I always trusted her and thought nothing of it. However, soon after returning from the trip she declared that she had fallen in love with one of those exs and wants to leave me immediately.

I melted down emotionally. The shock and sadness was unbearable beyond belief. From that point forward our relationship spiraled out of control as I could sense that she was maintaining contact with him and her feelings for me had fundamentally changed. The sweet angel of my dreams, who came to me straight from heaven, was gone.

I left for work on a normal, unsuspecting day in early December. I kissed her goodbye. When I came home that night, to my shock, all her possessions were gone. Her cat was gone. She left only a short note.

I have not heard anything from her since. She changed all her numbers and will not answer emails. On December 30th I received divorce papers from her attorney. I am now in the coldest, most horrible and lonely place I had ever found myself before.

I really have no purpose in posting this story, other than helping myself heal through sharing. Yet for anyone reading my story, please never take anyone or anything for granted...they can be gone in a heartbeat. Kiss your partner the next time you see him or her and hold on to each other so, so tight.
i feel so sorry for you man, i really do. what can someone say to make you feel better? time heals all wounds?
last night my little brother called me. he's leaving his wife of 18 years and they have 3 young children. when will it end?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-18-2011, 09:16 AM
 
18,145 posts, read 17,424,085 times
Reputation: 18053
I'm so sorry - what a painful ordeal for you. Give yourself some time to grieve and then perhaps look inside a bit - you may find answers are clearer once you are less emotionally torn up.

You were an avid poster on CD up until Nov 2009. Perhaps something was going on long before you realized it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 09:38 AM
 
3,239 posts, read 2,215,313 times
Reputation: 4082
I'm sorry that happened to you. For these kinds of reasons, I am almost always suspicious when a partner wants to even stick a pinkie toe on memory lane. I might even gently confront them and ask them why now, is there something I should know. But then again, I'm over 35 and nothing in human nature surprises me anymore. What is really regrettable about your situation is that you will have trouble trusting women again, and that could mean a loss of a great relationship with some great woman who is worthy of you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
8,199 posts, read 6,502,726 times
Reputation: 8490
Jeez, man I don't have a breakup that comes even close to that. I caught an ex cheating red handed, but I got the upper hand so to speak in the situation, and so even though I got saddled with the debt and a lot of her baggage, I still felt like I came out on top for it.

My best advice to you, based on what happened with my ex-fiance, is to get an attorney yourself and don't sign those divorce papers until you make sure that she pays financially and emotionally for her fair share of what she's done to you. Make sure that she is still held liable for a share of your mortgage payments or for the remainder of the lease on your place if you're renting. Car payments, shared debt... either she sends you a big check for the balance, or she sends you a check every month.

Write her a letter telling her what a deceitful, scummy wench she is and that her actions are damnable to the deepest pits of blackest hell; you despise her, you can't believe that you trusted her; get mutual friends who are sympathetic to your plight to sign it and don't agree to sign the divorce papers until she has signed an acknowledgement that she has read it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,853 posts, read 9,035,723 times
Reputation: 8904
I'm terribly sorry to read of your tragic experience. Your wife is apparently not the person you thought she was all those years. I disagree with 415. Writing that kind of letter to her and asking mutual friends to sign it would do nothing for you nor for anyone else. She's obviously a troubled person and likely has been for years -- something she hid from you. That doesn't make her "bad" and it doesn't reflect poorly on you.

I lost my late wife to a sudden and unexpected death, so to some degree I understand what you're going through. All your plans for the future are whisked away and you likely feel ungrounded and aimless. It will take you some time, but sooner rather than later you need to establish new goals for your personal life -- goals that you may want to change at some point but goals nonetheless.

I'm sure you've questioned what you did wrong in your relationship and found a few answers. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. But there's most likely nothing you could have done that would have changed the outcome. In your wife's mind something was missing, but you may never know for sure what it was. In fact, she may never know either. There comes a time when it's best to stop asking why.

Pick up the pieces, put her behind you, establish new objectives for yourself and go forward. I guarantee that in time you're going to see this in a new light and probably be glad she left. Good luck, and may God bless.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
15,689 posts, read 15,674,349 times
Reputation: 13995
Quote:
Originally Posted by 415_s2k View Post
Jeez, man I don't have a breakup that comes even close to that. I caught an ex cheating red handed, but I got the upper hand so to speak in the situation, and so even though I got saddled with the debt and a lot of her baggage, I still felt like I came out on top for it.

My best advice to you, based on what happened with my ex-fiance, is to get an attorney yourself and don't sign those divorce papers until you make sure that she pays financially and emotionally for her fair share of what she's done to you. Make sure that she is still held liable for a share of your mortgage payments or for the remainder of the lease on your place if you're renting. Car payments, shared debt... either she sends you a big check for the balance, or she sends you a check every month.

Write her a letter telling her what a deceitful, scummy wench she is and that her actions are damnable to the deepest pits of blackest hell; you despise her, you can't believe that you trusted her; get mutual friends who are sympathetic to your plight to sign it and don't agree to sign the divorce papers until she has signed an acknowledgement that she has read it.
I agree about the lawyer, but NOT the letter part.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
8,199 posts, read 6,502,726 times
Reputation: 8490
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oildog View Post
I agree about the lawyer, but NOT the letter part.
That part's optional. Sometimes, vindication is good.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,880 posts, read 56,368,786 times
Reputation: 37980
Quote:
Originally Posted by 415_s2k View Post
That part's optional. Sometimes, vindication is good.
Actually, the better advice is to write that letter and get all his anger and frustration out, but to then BURN IT.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 12:35 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 3,363,099 times
Reputation: 3352
Quote:
Originally Posted by 415_s2k View Post
Jeez, man I don't have a breakup that comes even close to that. I caught an ex cheating red handed, but I got the upper hand so to speak in the situation, and so even though I got saddled with the debt and a lot of her baggage, I still felt like I came out on top for it.

My best advice to you, based on what happened with my ex-fiance, is to get an attorney yourself and don't sign those divorce papers until you make sure that she pays financially and emotionally for her fair share of what she's done to you. Make sure that she is still held liable for a share of your mortgage payments or for the remainder of the lease on your place if you're renting. Car payments, shared debt... either she sends you a big check for the balance, or she sends you a check every month.

Write her a letter telling her what a deceitful, scummy wench she is and that her actions are damnable to the deepest pits of blackest hell; you despise her, you can't believe that you trusted her; get mutual friends who are sympathetic to your plight to sign it and don't agree to sign the divorce papers until she has signed an acknowledgement that she has read it.
I absolutely agree with this. This will give you the closure you need to move on. Also it will let her know just what you think of her actions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2011, 12:49 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
22,235 posts, read 26,536,640 times
Reputation: 22788
Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1 View Post
I absolutely agree with this. This will give you the closure you need to move on. Also it will let her know just what you think of her actions.
Always bear in mind that there are two sides to every story and then there is the truth.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:26 AM.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top