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Sportsgeek, no offense, but it's awfully entertaining to watch the convulsions your typical modern person goes through when told that there are some people who, out of simple, personal conviction, don't kiss or have sex until after marriage.
None taken!
I'm awfully entertained by throwing all kinds of crap around to offend people with "morals" :P
@OP
My honest opinion is that the guy is probably hesitant for some reason(thinking of the breakups), but of course I have no good idea why. Threads on forums like this never give a clear enough picture to actually cover the picture...All I as well as everyone else in this thread can do is to assume things.
Maybe all you need is a trip somewhere together or something like that... something to make the sparks fly and create a stronger connection.
Btw just an old quote; "it's not until you've walked through both heaven and hell together that you are truly one with eachother"
No idea where it came from but it's either war or football. What I want to say with it is that it's the struggles and pleasures that unite people in the long run.
You say both times he dumped you was when he was the most intimate with you...maybe he feels he has no control in this relationship, maybe he wants that, maybe that's why he's dumped you twice, because THATS the only time he feels he has control.
Move on. He's not into you. If he was, why would he dump you in the first place?
Find someone else. You'll see that spark right away and that guy will move immediately to make it known he wants you for a wife. You're too valuable to keep hanging by a hope and a thread
I totally agree... A great book is "He's not that into you" written from a male propective... another post was right.. if you were the one... a man would definitely move heaven and earth for you to make sure you marry him. Women always try to ask "what ifs" and we make excuses... men aren't that complicated (per the book).. they either are or they aren't.. Love will surprise you.. when the right man comes knocking.. you will not have to ask any questions or second guess his intentions.. good luck and definitely move on.. you are perfect the way you are and someone will fall madly in love with you when it is meant to be.
I did read the whole OP and the thing that said the most was that he's broken up with you twice. So no he is not that into you.
edit: I also want to add that you seem like a really healthy and well adjusted person! congrats! that's rare around here :P (note: I'd say even that if the OP wasnt a christian and did have sex btw. That doesnt make much of a difference either way to me.)
At one time while I was single I was in a very similar situation. She was younger than I by a few years, but by anyones standards, she would have been a good 'catch'. She was beautiful, had a great job, was well educated, and was fun to be with, yet something held me back. In our last conversation she asked me to stop by her house, lay our cards on the table, and start over again. I never responded. Today, she is married to a doctor, and appears to be happy, although she no longer goes to church and drinks alcoholic beverages. I've never been able to put my finger on why, but for some reason I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. Your former boyfriend has a reason, it would be my guess that a relationship with him will never happen.
At one time while I was single I was in a very similar situation. She was younger than I by a few years, but by anyones standards, she would have been a good 'catch'. She was beautiful, had a great job, was well educated, and was fun to be with, yet something held me back. In our last conversation she asked me to stop by her house, lay our cards on the table, and start over again. I never responded. Today, she is married to a doctor, and appears to be happy, although she no longer goes to church and drinks alcoholic beverages. I've never been able to put my finger on why, but for some reason I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. Your former boyfriend has a reason, it would be my guess that a relationship with him will never happen.
Hello?! Why is it up to him? It's up to you girl! Don't just stand around "imagining" affection and interest. He told you it wasn't there for him so stop letting him come in and out the door like the swinging doors leading to the kitchen at a restaurant. He doesn't feel you-bottom line, despite the religion/similarities. Stop seeing him. When he calls or you run into him at church say hello and keep it moving. When he mentions he misses you or would like to grab lunch/dinner tell him every so sweetly (without bitterness or anger)......thank you but my calendar is booked.
*In 2011 I'm going to need you to take control of you life rather than putting it into someone's hand to treat you however they want to for the moment while you sit and wait on them.
Thatsong, do I have permission to swallow that compliment whole? :P
Yeah, I can see that signs are pointing to him just not being into me and that his apparent magnetic attraction to me is not, ultimately, sign of some "spark" that he's not in touch with for cerebral/scrupulous reasons (that was my first guess as you recall, and his excuse for the first breakup - when he was trying to get me back hours later, he was quite upset and told me that he "couldn't imagine anyone else supporting him through life" - can you blame me for being fooled? >.o). Instead, I suppose it should be chalked up to the remnants of physical attraction. Having a bunch of people tell me "yes, he's not that into you, now go get a life!" is doing a good job of kicking me in the ass and making me move on, so I appreciate that especially because I really do enjoy the independence of single life and want to fall out of love as fast as possible so I can get on with it!
Hatgirl, lol, I can see why you would chastise me for that, but don't think that I'm giving him an open door. I was a little shaky on that score in the first couple of weeks, but I can honestly say (for the most part XP) that it was because I honestly could not tell whether he was serious about the breakup. Once it became clear that he was, I began giving him the polite ice job - I'm not exactly a social butterfly, and so the "I'm so much freaking better than you but I can still be polite and smile down from the lofty heights" actually comes naturally to me (I have also avoided seeing him as much as reasonably possible). By saying that it's up to him, all I mean is that the initiative for being serious about a relationship is his problem, not mine, so if he doesn't want a piece of me then the last thing I would ever do is try to convince him otherwise.
Last edited by Saecula; 01-20-2011 at 05:13 PM..
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