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Daugenstine, to be honest, you do come across as more of the stereotypical "bad boy" than the actual nice guy, which might be why you're not attracting the women you think you deserve. Helping others is great, but it does not automatically put you in the "nice guy" category.
Daugenstine, to be honest, you do come across as more of the stereotypical "bad boy" than the actual nice guy, which might be why you're not attracting the women you think you deserve. Helping others is great, but it does not automatically put you in the "nice guy" category.
Really? That's news to me! Interesting! Usually I've been perceived as a pushover or someone who's too nice. I've gotten more aggressive because I no longer wish to have that image as someone who's a doormat. Yes, I would help you out if you had a flat tire, or a dead battery. The other day in fact, I gave a woman a jump start on the highway. I'd expect anyone to do the same for me.
As far as bad boy is concerned, that to me is usually someone who has a flamboyant persoanlity and always loves tooting his horn like a peacock flashing his feathers. I'm not some leatherclad biker or some guy wearing a tanktop with enough tattoos to form a mural. I'm actually a clean-cut white collar guy, and if there's anything conspicuous about my attire, it's the fact that I prefer to wear pinstripes rather than solid colors for my dress shirts.
The thing I've notices about a lot of debates on here is a lot of people like to argue not so much because they want to hear the truth, but because they want to be right. For instance, I argued with some woman one time about how women with great curves don't come with slim waistlines and those with smaller cup sizes are naturally think. She seemed to think because she had a PhD, she knew more than I did. It didn't bode well when I reminded her that her specialty was in English, and I was the one who had the background in anthropology. Just because I wasn't as educated as she didn't mean I couldn't know more about a certain subject than she.
Really? That's news to me! Interesting! Usually I've been perceived as a pushover or someone who's too nice. I've gotten more aggressive because I no longer wish to have that image as someone who's a doormat. Yes, I would help you out if you had a flat tire, or a dead battery. The other day in fact, I gave a woman a jump start on the highway. I'd expect anyone to do the same for me.
As far as bad boy is concerned, that to me is usually someone who has a flamboyant persoanlity and always loves tooting his horn like a peacock flashing his feathers. I'm not some leatherclad biker or some guy wearing a tanktop with enough tattoos to form a mural. I'm actually a clean-cut white collar guy, and if there's anything conspicuous about my attire, it's the fact that I prefer to wear pinstripes rather than solid colors for my dress shirts.
The thing I've notices about a lot of debates on here is a lot of people like to argue not so much because they want to hear the truth, but because they want to be right. For instance, I argued with some woman one time about how women with great curves don't come with slim waistlines and those with smaller cup sizes are naturally think. She seemed to think because she had a PhD, she knew more than I did. It didn't bode well when I reminded her that her specialty was in English, and I was the one who had the background in anthropology. Just because I wasn't as educated as she didn't mean I couldn't know more about a certain subject than she.
Sometimes when you've been doing things one way for a while, and you decide to change, you end up over adjusting. Like driving a truck on an icy road, you slip and over correct and spin out of control.
Maybe you're going through a phase.
You can be a nice guy without being a pushover, and you can be a strong man without being an *******.
But you might have to do some experimentation first to find out where that balance is.
Maybe you should try being an ******* so you can learn first hand what that reaps.
Last edited by Jefetio; 02-23-2011 at 01:15 PM..
Reason: spelling
daugenstine, have you considered the possibility that your obsession with this dichotomy is a symptom of your aspbergers? You seem to be taking a very analytical, obsessive approach to this "question"
If you're a genuinely nice guy, I wish you the best of luck in dating. The truth is that dating is not easy for most people. You aren't alone in that.
Isn't this typecasting? By making this comment the female is either turned off (that would be me) or feels like she has to prove herself to you.
I'm not asking you to prove yourself to anyone. Why am I the one who feels he has to justify everything? You know I find it interesting how my comments got deleted because the OP thought I was insulted, yet people were hurling at me left and right on my thread about dating a guy with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm an insensitive jerk for not dating a single mom, but these women think a guy on the spectrum is unmarketable. You wouldn't believe what kind of pot shots they were taking, but none of theirs got deleted. It looks like there's double standards or favoritism here. One thing that really gets under my skin is double standards.
And for what it's worth, I do something because either I want to or because I think it's right not because I think it'll please everyone else or win me brownie points. If I wanted to do that, I'd be a politician or an an actor. Instead, I work in real estate. I sell houses on the verge of being foreclosed to save the homeowners from having their properties commandeered by the banks and the ten-year nightmares of bad credit that come afterwards. It's not an easy decision to make, but it sure beats the alternative.
daugenstine, have you considered the possibility that your obsession with this dichotomy is a symptom of your aspbergers? You seem to be taking a very analytical, obsessive approach to this "question"
If you're a genuinely nice guy, I wish you the best of luck in dating. The truth is that dating is not easy for most people. You aren't alone in that.
Thank you for your kind words sir. I appreciate your honesty! At least you had the audacity to give me some constructive criticism and feedback. There's a woman in Toronto I met online I have great chemistry with. I can't want to meet her. Perhaps she'll be my savior. I'd be more than happy to move to Canada and work in real estate should things work out between me and her. I'm game.
I'm not asking you to prove yourself to anyone. Why am I the one who feels he has to justify everything?
You don't have to. What I am doing is asking disqualifying questions in a calm manner though you can't see me. For many people they are offensive and they make them uneasy and defensive. They feel judged. I don't care. I do it to gain more access to your thinking.
You can do the same, you know. You don't have to be a doormat, nor do you need to be more aggressive.
You don't have to. What I am doing is asking disqualifying questions in a calm manner though you can't see me. For many people they are offensive and they make them uneasy and defensive. I don't care. I do it to gain more access to your thinking.
You can do the same, you know. You don't have to be a doormat, nor do you need to be more aggressive.
Fair enough! I have no problem answering your questions. You don't have to prove to me anything. I was explaining to that other woman who thinks I'm a jerk that I was the one who assisted those two women in distress at different times while nobody else did anything. I don't mind sharing my thoughts with you, but if you're going to be insulting be prepared for a deadly counterattack in return. Do you really think boldness and assertiveness are aggression? A lot of people do in today's society where all this PC hogwash has gotten way out of hand. They don't make enough Kleenex anymore apparently.
Fair enough! I have no problem answering your questions. You don't have to prove to me anything. I was explaining to that other woman who thinks I'm a jerk that I was the one who assisted those two women in distress at different times while nobody else did anything. I don't mind sharing my thoughts with you, but if you're going to be insulting be prepared for a deadly counterattack in return. Do you really think boldness and assertiveness are aggression? A lot of people do in today's society where all this PC hogwash has gotten way out of hand. They don't make enough Kleenex anymore apparently.
The key thing is to stop the insulting by defusing the situation, not throwing more fuel into the fire. If you can't, walk away. That makes me feel safe as a female.
The reason why some think boldness and assertiveness are aggression is because they were taught to be nice and never ask questions that would offend anybody.
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