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Like many men on here my girlfriend has a few male friends. I've read some "guides" on how to attract a girlfriend and keep her (previously to finding this girl), and for the most part they say to not show jealousy about this issue or else you'll appear insecure and pitiful, the opposite of the "alpha male".
Now...for the most part I've followed this advice and somehow faked not being bothered by it and so things have gone pretty smoothly with her. The thing is...on the inside I HATE that she has male friends, and just to unleash a little steam as I write this I will admit that I even enjoy fantasizing about hurting them severely with no shred of guilt whatsoever. I can tell her friends "good luck, take care" about something when in actuality I'd rather something horrible happen to them, preferably by my own hands. She rarely visits them unless its chatting on facebook and a few texts and whatnot, its mostly at occasional parties where she always invites me with, so I probably have nothing to worry about. Needless to say I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the girl hung out with them all the time when I'm not around. Its a huge turnoff(as I realize my jealousy probably is too if she knew how bad it really was). A big part of me feels that all of these feelings are completely natural and actually biologically and evolution-wise the "correct" wiring for a male, even if its primitive and potentially harmful.
Its not even the possibility of sexual cheating that necessarily bothers me the most, its more jealousy over little things like her laughing over their jokes or taking an interest in their hobbies and whatnot. Anything really that detracts her attention away from me and puts another man in the spotlight for her and puts a smile on her face, which can raise the other man's "alpha status" and make mine seem lower or deteriorating in comparison.
Anyway I obviously have jealousy that I've been trying to hide from her, not because I'm ashamed of it(I feel its justified, yeah I can hear a few people cringing out there now) but I hide it because I'm overall happy with the relationship and I don't want to spoil it. I've been brutally honest in this post so guys (and girls) please share your thoughts on jealousy over your partner's opposite sex friends. I'm betting that very few guys actually like their lady's male friends even though they don't like to talk about it or admit it.
I just kind of skimmed this, but this is not healthy. If you can't trust your girlfriend for reasons that are her fault then you need to end things. If the trust issues are all on your end, then you need to get them worked out. From your post, it sounds like this is all in your head.
Every man needs to decide where the acceptable lines are regarding her friendship with other men. Decide what your line is and make it clear and don't sweat her if she isn't crossing it. That'll keep your "alpha male" status in check. I put that in quotes because I think you're putting on a good alpha male front without really being one...yet.
yeesh! Calm down! She's with you because she wants you, not her friends.
My ex had tons of female friends, who he saw whenever he went home and spent time with them alone, but there was no jealousy..he was mine, wasn't he? Think of it that way, maybe it'll ease your jealousy.
yeesh! Calm down! She's with you because she wants you, not her friends.
My ex had tons of female friends, who he saw whenever he went home and spent time with them alone, but there was no jealousy..he was mine, wasn't he? Think of it that way, maybe it'll ease your jealousy.
ok....the point I was trying to make is, they're her friends and nothing is going to happen between them, unless she gives him a reason to think so.
I'm thinking your situation might be a little different though. Read it again. The OP's girlfriend occasionally says hi on facebook and talks to them at parties. Your guy is seeing these girls alone in a different city and apparently keeps in great touch with them and makes it a regular thing. Guys are way more prone to cheat than women are and this guy sounds like he has a stable. Just saying.
OP sounds controling to me. You probably think it's ok for you to interact with your friends but get jealous when she interacts with hers? Sad state of mind man. Sad state of mind.
OP sounds controling to me. You probably think it's ok for you to interact with your friends but get jealous when she interacts with hers? Sad state of mind man. Sad state of mind.
That was the point I was trying to make...less harshly though hehe.
That was the point I was trying to make...less harshly though hehe.
He's not controlling...yet.
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