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On my own I decided to "reinvent myself" several times during my life. For example I was shy and chubby and painfully self-conscious when I was young. I spent a lot of years feeling sorry for myself and blaming others for my "social awkwardness."...But I finally woke-up at some point and realized that I just wasn't a very interesting person...I didn't have much to offer others...Little by little I forced myself out of my shell and started to show more interest in other people. I developed better communication skills and a sense of humor. Everything wasn't "about me" anymore...I taught myself how to reach out and connect with others....Anyway I decided to "reinvent myself" at various points throughout my life for various reasons and changed my personality and lifestyle...I have to "reinvent myself"all over again today since I am a recent widow. I have to ask myself "who I want to be" now and think about how I want to spend my time as a single person once again.
On my own I decided to "reinvent myself" several times during my life. For example I was shy and chubby and painfully self-conscious when I was young. I spent a lot of years feeling sorry for myself and blaming others for my "social awkwardness."...But I finally woke-up at some point and realized that I just wasn't a very interesting person...I didn't have much to offer others...Little by little I forced myself out of my shell and started to show more interest in other people. I developed better communication skills and a sense of humor. Everything wasn't "about me" anymore...I taught myself how to reach out and connect with others....Anyway I decided to "reinvent myself" at various points throughout my life for various reasons and changed my personality and lifestyle...I have to "reinvent myself"all over again today since I am a recent widow. I have to ask myself "who I want to be" now and think about how I want to spend my time as a single person once again.
Good for you!
Too bad some of the young guys on this thread haven't learned this yet
Too bad some of the young guys on this thread haven't learned this yet
Thanks...I try to monitor myself. If I catch myself "playing victim" or "poor me" or "suffering martyr" for too long I know that I need to process my feelings and let them all come out...Then I "re-group" and try to figure out what I want and need in order to be happier...I can't bring my husband back...He's gone now. I still have grief to work through but I can't let myself lay down and "die too." And I don't want to be a "downer" or "down" all the time. Nobody wants to be around people who play "non-stop victims." It's a big "turn-off." Don't you think?
Whenever people find anyone who is unsuccessful at attracting women on this forum; there tends to be a lot of answers saying "improve yourself" or "fix yourself" or "get some life experience".
The last one basically means: Do tons of crap that has nothing to do with anything and see if life changes, if it doesn't; keep on going till you're dead.
So let's play with the idea that I were to follow any of the first two;
what the hell do I do then?
I've done what I can about my looks, body odor etc, I'm getting an education, etc
I mean it's not like I can pick up a new personality at the convenient store, is it?
Well how far are you willing to compromise yourself in order to get the girl you want?
How about just smiling and being helpful . . . being kind . . . opening doors, carrying stuff . . . learning a hobby that you enjoy (cooking?, woodwork?). Being actually interested in other people helps a lot! Strike up conversations in bank lines and post office lines for practice . . . have eye contact with people . . . be nice and actually care about other people.
Good advice. One thing I like to do is to compliment at least 1 stranger on something every day. Not only does it make me feel better (self-improved), but I've made some good friends over time by doing this.
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