U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-25-2011, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,397 posts, read 13,234,904 times
Reputation: 6219

Advertisements

How does one overcome that fear? I think part of my many problems with women is that I get this fear of screwing things up if I ever try to get anywhere with them. For instance today I talked a bit with two attractive girls in two different classes. We talked / made conversation just fine and it felt good, but then I started overthinking everything and now I'm afraid to make any moves simply because I don't wanna screw it up.

And I do realize that not doing anything leads me to the same result as doing it and screwing up, but for some reason I'd rather save myself the... embarrassment? I suppose...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-25-2011, 09:52 PM
 
724 posts, read 1,423,488 times
Reputation: 710
Just do it when you're in the moment. Don't wait until later to make plans and do some big guesture or whatnot. You're talking to her, say "I'd like to have dinner with you." Stop talking. You'll get an answer. If she says yes, awesome. If not, no worries either. You didn't lose anything like you would have if you had built it up into a huge thing over a long period of time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:01 PM
 
Location: Maryland
130 posts, read 288,455 times
Reputation: 151
The only way to overcome fear is to face it. This is no different than any other fear. If you have a fear of flying then you must hop on an airplane to overcome it. If you have a fear of failure then you must fail. I know that sounds silly but its true. Have you ever failed at anything?

Many people go through life believing that they can avoid failure or negative emotions/feelings. However, life just doesn't work that way. You can't avoid things just because they may make you feel horrible, scared, or insecure. This is especially true if they can make you feel wonderful (as in falling in love).

You may fall down but you can easily get back up. I can think of times when I embarrassed myself but I doubt anyone remembers or cares. I've said silly or dumb things to guys that I later regretted. However, I learned through the experience.

Another thing that helps in social situations is to focus your attention on the other person. Ask them questions, ask how they feel, etc...Stop worrying about yourself! You can practice this anywhere. When you meet a stranger in the checkout line, say "Hello! How are you?". Do not worry about what's running through your mind but instead listen to their answer. Ask genuine questions and be truly engaged and interested. Trust me, if you do this enough then you will overcome your fears.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:01 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 5,452,947 times
Reputation: 3415
Hurricane, that's life though. Full of fear but you need to overcome that feeling and stop over analyzing what could go wrong. In life, you're going to do things right and then sometimes do it wrong but you got to do something. Don't let fear overtake you and you do nothing in life. No matter how old you get, there's always that fear but you have to move forward and make a decision either right or wrong.

Sounds like you're on your way to doing something good by talking to the girls at school. Whenever you feel like you're over analyzing something you did or think you might embarrassed yourself by doing something wrong, stop that thought and give yourself an affirmation like "I think I'm amazing and everyone likes me" or whatever affirmation that works for you.

Keep up the good work and keep talking to girls, after awhile you won't even think twice about what you're saying and doing and it will become natural for you. Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:14 PM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,892 posts, read 13,010,885 times
Reputation: 15317
I think you should establish some sort of acquaintance with the girl/s first off. A good conversation is a good conversation, but your point should be to turn it into something either of them can look forward to in class- for instance, if you can make them laugh. Keep talking to them, girls feel special when shown attention (sincerely). This time and attention will also allow you to read the situation, to pick up on important signals and cues such as: Is she even interested?! Go with your gut man, as to the vibe you get. No vibes = don't ask for a date, and still save face.

Point is, you don't wanna make any bold moves too soon; you want the girl/s to feel comfortable with you, and also, establishing your own level of comfort with them will make suggesting a casual get together alot easier. (and alot less devistating if the answer is no) Either way, you've gained a new friend, and if she isn't interested, she might have the perfect friend for you who is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2011, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,662 posts, read 25,334,551 times
Reputation: 5067
You have to start off with conversation. Follow up that with a offer for coffee. Non committal and it can lead to a date.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-26-2011, 12:17 AM
 
Location: Tampa (by way of Omaha)
13,752 posts, read 18,393,018 times
Reputation: 8941
There is no secret to it, you just do it. I know that's easier said than done, but it's the truth.

Face it. You're going to get shot down. Everyone does. I have good game and still get shot down frequently. There is simply no way around it unless you're famous.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-26-2011, 03:10 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,458 posts, read 11,124,274 times
Reputation: 7783
Give yourself a weekend, bang as many women as you can, don't set the bar low.
Really does improve this problem.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-26-2011, 06:50 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,186,842 times
Reputation: 14506
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
How does one overcome that fear?
practice
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-26-2011, 07:01 AM
 
Location: DC
97 posts, read 133,993 times
Reputation: 148
What is the worse that can happen is she says no? That is it and after the first time it will only get easier and easier.

I heard once, "You will miss 100% of your shots you don't take." Kind of stuck with me and goes for any part of life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top