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Or she could act like her crap doesn't stink, which is why she's labeled as intimidating. Either way, these kind of women will get the boot real quick from me. If a woman is found intimidating by several men, the problem is with HER and not the guy(s). Anyhow, if a man is reluctant to bring up a hard topic, the woman should ask herself why? Is it because the woman will fly off the handle and get to cussing, screaming and hollering as most women are prone to doing?
I agree. The "intimidating" label is not always attractive as some people would like to think. It could also mean that particular person is too scary to look at hence intimidating others, and so on and so forth, who knows.
So the last couple relationships I've had I've been labeled "intimidating". My previous boyfriends say I'm hard to talk to, they don't feel comfortable coming to me about personal matters, and they are "scared" about being honest with me (in fear of how I may react). Now, this has happened enough now that I beginning to believe its more than just coincidence.
Most of the time I give off an intimidating vibe but don't necessarily do anything outright which would warrant this label. Anyone else ever received this label? Any suggestions on how to get rid of it (especially if I dont know Im doing it)?
I'm laughing - sorry, I know it isn't the response you want, but I intimidate nearly everyone, so I'm told. If anyone had asked me a few years ago, I would have described myself as warm, congenial, easy to get along with, kind, self-assured. But intimidating? Never. In the last year, I've had my cousin (2 months older than I am) tell me she found me very intimidating as a teen and that's why we stopped hanging out with each other so much. I've had old male friends from high school find me on facebook and tell me they were always intimidated by me even as they were drawn to me. So, I started asking my current friends about this and the answer is over 90% yes, I intimidate people, male and female alike. It really upset me for a while. But as I got to finding out the reasons why, I am less concerned with it.
So, here's the rest of my "book" answer:
Mostly people say I intimidate them with my intellect. I don't intend it, it just is. When pressed further, I get responses that indicate that it seems my knowledge/intelligence/wisdom just seems to flow and it is one reason people gravitate towards me yet feel intimidated at the same time. Most of the people around me, btw, are not alpha type personalities. In fact, in general, the population is not predominantly alpha, therefore it stands to reason that those around me are not. So, that means this is going to happen. But what could I do about it? So I continued to ask those I trusted.
Surprisingly, or not surprisingly, the most successful (by their own definition and standards of success) whether in business, career, or life, were not intimidated but could see it. Which leaves the remainder who do not feel successful as being intimidated. Ah, so those who are not only not alpha, but not secure within themselves feel an intimidation that is not intended. Again, what do I do to not intimidate?
My husband is as intelligent as I am - yet he only intimidates others when he intends to. So I started observing and asking others to point out times when I appeared to do something which intimidated someone. I stopped and tried to figure out what I was doing. I am trying to soften my approach to people and situations. It means allowing the other person(s) to find the error/fallacy in their own pov or position and to back away from it. But it's also way more than that.
I am a confident, secure, highly intelligent, educated, experienced woman - and worse, I don't care whether you like me. Truly. I know I am respected within all the communities to which I belong; and that honestly is enough for me. Those who have become my friends (and I their friend) have told me they never felt or feel intimidated by me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by john-ever-learning
It's the guys you're choosing not yourself per se. Choose a type A personality guy and you won't have this issue. In fact you'll actually have dialogue.
This is true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne
Yep. It seems that many of the men who label a woman "intimidating" lack the courage and ability to start a necessary discussion. Basically, they lack confidence.
Other times it's just an excuse to blame things on you. "Well, I didn't want to talk to you about it because I was afraid of what you'd say/how you'd react."
Really? That's kind of weak when you think about it. More like he's afraid he's going to hear something he doesn't want to and can't handle it when things don't go his way.
Either way, that's their problem, not yours.
This is true.
That's 2 of you I cannot rep but with whom I agree, completely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
I read a couple responses and they blame the guys. However, I am not sure what it is. Could it be them or is it you?
When someone says something to you is your reaction immediate or can you keep a calm outlook to analyze the situation first?
Idk. I have been told I have a really intimidating look to me as well. I have no idea what that means either. I wish I knew what to do to change it but I don't. I guess I try to smile alot now. However, I begin to get a response like I am a creepy, stalker instead of the serial killer I used to be marked as.
This had me laughing out loud - So my creepy stalker, it sounds as though you are my alter. I've been told that my facial expressions speak paragraphs! I've been working on that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedJacket
It's quite obvious your boyfriends have never been exposed to the Catholic school system. Trust me, if they had been, you or no other woman could ever intimidate them.
Baptism by fire indeed.
That's funny. I never thought of it but it makes sense.
Or she could act like her crap doesn't stink, which is why she's labeled as intimidating. Either way, these kind of women will get the boot real quick from me. If a woman is found intimidating by several men, the problem is with HER and not the guy(s). Anyhow, if a man is reluctant to bring up a hard topic, the woman should ask herself why? Is it because the woman will fly off the handle and get to cussing, screaming and hollering as most women are prone to doing?
NAH, you're discussing arrogance and insecurity, not intimidating. BTW, there's a big difference between being intimidating and intimidation.
I have been told by friends and coworkers that I can be intimidating. To me it seems ridiculous as I'm a little spit of nothing and how can I intimidate anyone. What I've been told is that it's my posture (arms crossed) and I don't smile or talk much. I appear to be standoffish. Thinking about it like that I guess I can see how those things might be interpreted as intimidating. However, in my case it's more shyness than intimidation.
I have a friend that is kind of intimidating to tell things but nevertheless I tell her. I don't know you or your boyfriends but it could be because your overly negative or you start attacking them when they tell you something. For example if i tell my friend that she doesn't have a boyfriend because she doesn't try to socialize and put herself out there she would respond by telling me that I talk way too much and chase people off or something completely uncalled for. Or it could be something as simple as can you please put your coat in the closet and I get a reply like "Wth you always leave everything hanging around my house why should I put my coat in your closet when I visit". Everything I tell her is in a respectable manner but I sware EVERYTIME I try to talk to her about something she always attacks something.
So the last couple relationships I've had I've been labeled "intimidating". My previous boyfriends say I'm hard to talk to, they don't feel comfortable coming to me about personal matters, and they are "scared" about being honest with me (in fear of how I may react). Now, this has happened enough now that I beginning to believe its more than just coincidence.
Most of the time I give off an intimidating vibe but don't necessarily do anything outright which would warrant this label. Anyone else ever received this label? Any suggestions on how to get rid of it (especially if I dont know Im doing it)?
Could you give us some concrete examples? Do you speak loudly, argue your point into the ground, get angry quickly, hold a grudge? Have there been instances early on in relationships where they tried to come to you and you can now recognize your reaction as somewhat intimidating? What did you do specifically?
Maybe this is a good chance to practice being more nurturing, speaking softer, listening more, having a softer touch.
So the last couple relationships I've had I've been labeled "intimidating". My previous boyfriends say I'm hard to talk to, they don't feel comfortable coming to me about personal matters, and they are "scared" about being honest with me (in fear of how I may react). Now, this has happened enough now that I beginning to believe its more than just coincidence.
Most of the time I give off an intimidating vibe but don't necessarily do anything outright which would warrant this label. Anyone else ever received this label? Any suggestions on how to get rid of it (especially if I dont know Im doing it)?
I'm not totally sure what it means as I've never asked anyone to elaborate, but I've been constantly told by guy friends that I am too intimidating for other guys to approach. To which I laugh cruelly. Maybe that's why they think I'm intimidating. But I think of it as a boon. It keeps away the chaff. I have always assumed automatically that this is an excellent trait to have.
But I'm not sure that I could date anyone who deems me intimidating. That would be like dating a "yes man". It would drive me nuts. Absolutely bonkers!
I don't question ... I just cherish the gift of intimidation.
"My previous boyfriends say I'm hard to talk to, they don't feel comfortable coming to me about personal matters, and they are "scared" about being honest with me (in fear of how I may react). Now, this has happened enough now that I beginning to believe its more than just coincidence."
There is your answer. Why are you so hard to talk to? I am opinionated & pretty passionate in my speech but never got this label.
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