Women who won’t settle for anything less than princess for a day (Valentine, separate)
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Is that really what she is saying though? Because that's not how I interpreted it.
I understood her comment (as you wrote it) to mean that she hoped to to marry a man someday who was able to offer her a nice engagement ring. Nothing wrong with that.
Sadly, more the women that the men, wedding have become so self centered. Families have been torn appart because the bride wants something so fancy or she feels she is not the center of the universe without looking around that to some degree a wedding is also two families joining their destinies, take care.
That is why weddings seem like a woman’s second sweet sixteen or quinceañera.
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Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero
Hey onihC, I see where you're coming from and it's obvious you're big on gender equality in its entirety.
However, If you really think men are the ones always putting in most of the work when it comes to relationships, then you clearly aren't looking at the holistic picture.
As for the OP's statements, I don't think it's that big a deal if "WE" can afford it.
You said a key word “WE”. If women paid for the engagement ring as well or went through the effort of going shopping for their man’s engagement ring, wedding expenses, dating expenses, etc. Then how nice. But many of those things are still left for the guy to do for no other reasons than “…well, it’s a man’s job…that’s the way it should be…a real man does that…I am the woman here, ok?...he wants to marry me so he better show it…” which I find as bad as a man saying that women should be the ones in charge of house chores. The difference is that the second one is not acceptable for a man to say.
But I agree, if BOTH can pitch in and afford it, why not?
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Originally Posted by boodhabunny
Grooms are not expected/demanded to pay for weddings. That is traditionally handled by the bride/bride's family.
I heard it used to be a practice of the past. Did you put all the money for your wedding or your parents did for you? Grooms are expected/demanded also to go buy their woman's engagement ring (which averages more than 3 complete months of a man's salary). There are very few couples out there that might not follow all traditions 100% and a small amount of women who are totally cool about it, totally rare but there may be some out there I guess.
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Originally Posted by boodhabunny
I understood her comment (as you wrote it) to mean that she hoped to marry a man someday who was able to offer her a nice engagement ring. Nothing wrong with that.
It’s nice to hope for things like that but ending a relationship because she didn’t get a ring valued at certain amount or not as big as her girlfriend’s would be a different story which does happen.
Grooms are not expected/demanded to pay for weddings. That is traditionally handled by the bride/bride's family.
The norm in my generation/area is that the couples pay for it themselves. My parents certainly won't be expected to fund our wedding. Both sides may offer some financial support as a gift, but the majority will be on us. Same for all of my siblings. Tradition is nice and all, in the abstract, but not necessarily an economic reality, especially in the here and now.
My parents are boomers who will never be able to retire. My priority is for them to take care of themselves, not to take on the additional stress of worrying about how in the world they would ever begin to finance their widdle girls' storybook weddings. They've already given us plenty.
Anyone can afford a diamond - it might be a pre owned, tiny diamond, but anyone can afford some kind of token ring. Anyway, why does it have to be a diamond?
IMHO an engagement ring is a token of love and intention to marry. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be diamonds, it doesn't have to cost much, but for me an engagement ring is a must.
I have had male friends who wanted to propose but couldn't afford a ring (but really wanted to!) and my advise to them, is get a token ring, anything - fake, gaudy, whatever to propose with and then buy something a little fancier when you can.
For me it's all about the symbolism and feeling that an effort has been made. All those people saying the down payment on a house is more important, I don't disagree. But what's wrong with a $100 or less token, pretty ring? It's the thought that counts.
I'm lucky that my husband could afford and chose an absolutely beautiful ring which I cherish.
I do agree that a woman who insists on a huge, expensive engagement ring when the groom to be really can't afford it are really showing their true colors and would probably be a nightmare to live with. But I don't see the expectation of an engagement ring of some sort to be Princess like at all. I think it's a very reasonable expectation and I would be as concerned about a man who didn't bother getting a ring as I would about a woman who demanded a huge, expensive one.
I was pretty young when I married for the first time. I was not given an engagement ring and I paid for the wedding myself. It was a small private affair and wasn't expensive. I didn't want to ask for my parents help because they didn't approve.
My second and last wedding (at age 50!) was paid for jointly by both of us. It was also a small affair. He went to a lot of trouble to shop around for a beautiful engagement ring, which I adore. It's not too big and it's not too small. It's just right.
Last edited by boodhabunny; 01-27-2011 at 05:25 PM..
Anyone can afford a diamond - it might be a pre owned, tiny diamond, but anyone can afford some kind of token ring. Anyway, why does it have to be a diamond?
IMHO an engagement ring is a token of love and intention to marry. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be diamonds, it doesn't have to cost much, but for me an engagement ring is a must.
I have had male friends who wanted to propose but couldn't afford a ring (but really wanted to!) and my advise to them, is get a token ring, anything - fake, gaudy, whatever to propose with and then buy something a little fancier when you can.
For me it's all about the symbolism and feeling that an effort has been made. All those people saying the down payment on a house is more important, I don't disagree. But what's wrong with a $100 or less token, pretty ring? It's the thought that counts.
I'm lucky that my husband could afford and chose an absolutely beautiful ring which I cherish.
I do agree that a woman who insists on a huge, expensive engagement ring when the groom to be really can't afford it are really showing their true colors and would probably be a nightmare to live with. But I don't see the expectation of an engagement ring of some sort to be Princess like at all. I think it's a very reasonable expectation and I would be as concerned about a man who didn't bother getting a ring as I would about a woman who demanded a huge, expensive one.
I don't see the expectation of an engagement ring of some sort to be Princess like at all. I think it's a very reasonable expectation and I would be as concerned about a man who didn't bother getting a ring as I would about a woman who demanded a huge, expensive one.
It’s the women who do demand a giant ring/complain about the one they’ve been given that drive me nuts.
You have a man who loves you - something millions of single women dream of finding every day - and one who has gone to the effort to buy you a ring, yet you’re still not satisfied?
For me it's all about the symbolism and feeling that an effort has been made. All those people saying the down payment on a house is more important, I don't disagree. But what's wrong with a $100 or less token, pretty ring? It's the thought that counts
Would you get your guy an engagement ring? I mean, it takes two to get married, right?
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I do agree that a woman who insists on a huge, expensive engagement ring when the groom to be really can't afford it are really showing their true colors and would probably be a nightmare to live with
Some may accept an average-priced ring and later ask their husband to upgrade them or buy them a bigger one like you said.
Quote:
But I don't see the expectation of an engagement ring of some sort to be Princess like at all. think it's a very reasonable expectation and I would be as concerned about a man who didn't bother getting a ring as I would about a woman who demanded a huge, expensive one.
It’s the women who do demand a giant ring/complain about the one they’ve been given that drive me nuts.
You have a man who loves you - something millions of single women dream of finding every day - and one who has gone to the effort to buy you a ring, yet you’re still not satisfied?
Talk about taking for granted.
Some of those women even ask their husbands to upgrade their rings or buy them a REAL one later on.
Basing the relationship on how big/expensive their ring is or if they will be upgraded or not is quite common. Just read some of the responses here and in other threads that talk about this.
It’s the women who do demand a giant ring/complain about the one they’ve been given that drive me nuts.
You have a man who loves you - something millions of single women dream of finding every day - and one who has gone to the effort to buy you a ring, yet you’re still not satisfied?
Talk about taking for granted.
Wait, I'm confused - are you saying I am not satisfied?
I am EXTREMELY satisfied with my husband. We're not perfect, but we're great together. I don't think anyone else could suit me better. What do you mean?
No I wouldn't. I bought him his wedding ring which he loves and wears daily - he would NEVER in a million years wear an engagement ring. He's not a jewelry kind of guy and I didn't ask him to marry me. He asked me to marry him. If I had done the asking, I would probably have given him some sort of lasting token, but not a ring and certainly not a TV.
And no I wouldn't spend crazy money on 'the biggest 3D LED TV' as an engagement gift. That's not something special that will last him a life time. We exchanged gifts on our wedding day - he bought be a diamond heart necklace which I wear every day and I bought him some personalized Tiffany cuff links.
I do buy him the electronic stuff he likes, but only for birthday's, Christmas, valentine's and stuff like that. His Christmas present this year was a new iPod.
Wait, I'm confused - are you saying I am not satisfied?
No I'm not referring to you at all.
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