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Reading this thread reminds me of "All in the family" show. Edith trying to tell Archie something in her long winded ways, and Archie doing the rolling motion with his hands as in saying, hurry up get to the point!
Reading this thread reminds me of "All in the family" show. Edith trying to tell Archie something in her long winded ways, and Archie doing the rolling motion with his hands as in saying, hurry up get to the point!
Men will listen to women who can get to the point quickly. Few women are capable of this.
Men will listen to women who can get to the point quickly. Few women are capable of this.
Then I think men need to work on their attention spans. Not listening to me would be reason to end the relationship and RUN. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who doesn't want to talk to you unless it's to convey some bit of information that must be done quickly or he can't deal with it? I'd like to think I'm a little more important than that to him. If I'm not, he's not worth keeping. I'd rather be alone.
My husband and I have had a problem with him wanting to fix every problem I vent about but the marriage counselor came right out and told him to stop it. He explained that women, often, just want to vent about situations not change them. If we want your help, we'll ask for it. If you, however, take the attitude that we are only allowed to talk to you when we are asking for help or to convey some bit of, useful, information, don't be surprised when the relationship fails. A relationship where the partners cannot talk is, simply, a marriage of convenience. If something else ever becomes more convenient, it's over.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-29-2011 at 03:55 AM..
1. The thought that their partner might be right, have a point makes them wince, so they avoid it.
2. They think women are useless and only good for lovin' or a dagwood sandwich.
3. They know when they engage a woman verbally, they are on the woman's "turf" so to speak, surrounded, outnumbered and out-gunned.
Then I think men need to work on their attention spans. Not listening to me would be reason to end the relationship and RUN. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who doesn't want to talk to you unless it's to convey some bit of information that must be done quickly or he can't deal with it? I'd like to think I'm a little more important than that to him. If I'm not, he's not worth keeping. I'd rather be alone.
My husband and I have had a problem with him wanting to fix every problem I vent about but the marriage counselor came right out and told him to stop it. He explained that women, often, just want to vent about situations not change them. If we want your help, we'll ask for it. If you, however, take the attitude that we are only allowed to talk to you when we are asking for help or to convey some bit of, useful, information, don't be surprised when the relationship fails. A relationship where the partners cannot talk is, simply, a marriage of convenience. If something else ever becomes more convenient, it's over.
Be succinct. A lot can be said in a sentence or two, not in paragraphs.
Be succinct. A lot can be said in a sentence or two, not in paragraphs.
You can't expect a woman to do things according to your expectations. You either keep a woman like this for company or you don't. You either let your expectations be known early on or you don't.
Which segways into #5, not wanting to encourage more whining. If you stay and listen, then aren't you basically sending the message that you're OK with it? If you leave, then you're potentially telling her that her problems don't matter to you. Seems like someone in this situation really has no great options.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
#7 has been an issue for us.
If I had a bad day or experience and wanted to vent...he'd offer solutions to try and fix the issue. 99% of the time I wasn't looking for solutions, I was looking for him to say "yeah that sucks" too or if he didn't agree with me, just to actively listen!
It used to frustrate the heck out of me. I've learned that it's just how he is wired.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran
VERY simple solution to this kind of thinking.
Call your girlfriend to get the unconditional Blah Blah Blah that you want. THEN, go to your SO to get the help you need to actually solve the problem.
Why do women think their man should be all things, all the time? Then they get frustrated because the man "fails" at this responsibility.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elamigo
He's gotten a lot better? Here is where part of the problem lie. You want him to change to the way you want him to be instead of letting him be himself.
I complain about my job pretty often as well. It's not always the same issue, but there is a lot of stress there. Right now I'm training this guy who I believe is mentally deficient. He has limited recall, he's not a quick study, he's rude, and he doesn't belong in research. It's something new everyday with this idiot. There's nothing I can do about it, tho, given my station at the co. So, I complain to my dh and my mother.
I come home and dh hears it. Like a few of the other ladies here sometimes he comes back at me with either possible solutions or the bizarre. Offering solutions in an arena where you don't have significant experience/expertise doesn't make much sense to me. My best gf, OTOH, listens well. She doesn't offer possible fixes (she couldn't), but she'll offer words of encouragement, share a similar story, agreement, or whatever. At the end I'll thank her for listening.
But, I do expect my dh to get better as a listener and he is. He's pretty sensitive to my needs in general. And no, he doesn't get just to be himself...the self he would be if I were not in the picture. Just as I don't get to be the self I would be if he were not in the picture. I have a demanding job that pays for our life, and a career that is self-defining on many levels. I expect that he's going to have involvement there on some level. If not, he wouldn't be having much involvement with me and that wouldn't fly well in the kind of marriage I will have.
When I've not listened to a girl I'm seeing, it's usually because she's being over- or melodramatic about something, not because of any deep-seated issue with power sharing or control.
You can't expect a woman to do things according to your expectations. You either keep a woman like this for company or you don't. You either let your expectations be known early on or you don't.
She either conforms or goes away. Either one works fine.
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I'd like to think I'm a little more important than that to him. If I'm not, he's not worth keeping. I'd rather be alone.
