U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-27-2011, 01:43 PM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,370,511 times
Reputation: 6274

Advertisements

OK, I know the title of this is just begging for this to turn into a gender-bashing thread. I'm hoping (and I know that's expecting a lot) that it won't happen here. I'm also hoping the mods don't remove this thread because of its gender-bashing potential, but instead just issue warnings to people who try to turn it into one.

I recently came across a great article that talks about some of the reasons why men don't always listen to women. And BTW, before you attack the author as some man-hating feminist, keep in the mind the author is a man.

Why Men Don't Listen To Women

There were several reasons I wanted to post this. First, is to see how much truth you think there is to any of it and whether you've experienced it firsthand. Second, is because some of the reasons listed could just as easily apply to women. And third, because it raises the issue of the difference in communication styles between men and women. Take #4 for example. If a man listens to his partner complain constantly, especially if it's about the same things over and over or it's about something completely silly, eventually he's going to stop listening. And again, you could reverse the genders and it would probably still hold. After all, how many women will want to listen to men endlessly whine about something? I've experienced this with past partners. The person would come home, complain about her job, her friends, and what not and after a while, I'd get tired of hearing it. But instead of doing what a lot of men would do which is to tell their partner to quit whining or respond with sarcasm, I would simply remove myself from what I considered to be an increasingly toxic environment. But as the author points out, that can potentially make things worse. As he puts it, she feels marginalized and abandoned.

Which segways into #5, not wanting to encourage more whining. If you stay and listen, then aren't you basically sending the message that you're OK with it? If you leave, then you're potentially telling her that her problems don't matter to you. Seems like someone in this situation really has no great options.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-27-2011, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,764 posts, read 56,045,751 times
Reputation: 37784
First of all, this does not apply to ALL men - some men really don't mind listening to what is important to the women in their lives

I think the last line of the article says it all:

Real men share power, real men are partners, real men know that real women need real respect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Anchorage, Ak
1,413 posts, read 1,787,947 times
Reputation: 1310
yeah I'm staying out of this one, good luck

<fingers in ears> lalalalalalalala
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 01:54 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 34,023,469 times
Reputation: 6701
You are supposed to deliberate on the issues and come up with solutions. Empathy is important. Some people deal with their problems slower than others, etc. That's all I could come up with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Which segways into #5, not wanting to encourage more whining. If you stay and listen, then aren't you basically sending the message that you're OK with it? If you leave, then you're potentially telling her that her problems don't matter to you. Seems like someone in this situation really has no great options.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 01:55 PM
 
3,217 posts, read 2,191,288 times
Reputation: 4062
Some men don't listen to women because:

1. The thought that their partner might be right, have a point makes them wince, so they avoid it.
2. They think women are useless and only good for lovin' or a dagwood sandwich.
3. They know when they engage a woman verbally, they are on the woman's "turf" so to speak, surrounded, outnumbered and out-gunned.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,764 posts, read 56,045,751 times
Reputation: 37784
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post
Some men don't listen to women because:

1. The thought that their partner might be right, have a point makes them wince, so they avoid it.
2. They think women are useless and only good for lovin' or a dagwood sandwich.
3. They know when they engage a woman verbally, they are on the woman's "turf" so to speak, surrounded, outnumbered and out-gunned.

Emphasis on SOME MEN...again, there are plenty of men who actually enjoy listening to and talking with their women
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 02:05 PM
 
14,924 posts, read 8,221,909 times
Reputation: 11769
#7 has been an issue for us.

If I had a bad day or experience and wanted to vent...he'd offer solutions to try and fix the issue. 99% of the time I wasn't looking for solutions, I was looking for him to say "yeah that sucks" too or if he didn't agree with me, just to actively listen!

It used to frustrate the heck out of me. I've learned that it's just how he is wired.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,764 posts, read 56,045,751 times
Reputation: 37784
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus View Post
#7 has been an issue for us.

If I had a bad day or experience and wanted to vent...he'd offer solutions to try and fix the issue. 99% of the time I wasn't looking for solutions, I was looking for him to say "yeah that sucks" too or if he didn't agree with me, just to actively listen!

It used to frustrate the heck out of me. I've learned that it's just how he is wired.
It's how many men are wired, lol.

They are just natural fixers

So when you start talking about some situation in your life that is bothering/upsetting you they are actually doing the thing they think will show you how much they care - trying to fix it!

Wise men catch on pretty fast to the fact that women don't want any help fixing the problem, they just want some validation for their feelings of upset
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Where Dance Music comes first
1,863 posts, read 1,406,184 times
Reputation: 2154
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
OK, I know the title of this is just begging for this to turn into a gender-bashing thread. I'm hoping (and I know that's expecting a lot) that it won't happen here. I'm also hoping the mods don't remove this thread because of its gender-bashing potential, but instead just issue warnings to people who try to turn it into one.

I recently came across a great article that talks about some of the reasons why men don't always listen to women. And BTW, before you attack the author as some man-hating feminist, keep in the mind the author is a man.

Why Men Don't Listen To Women

There were several reasons I wanted to post this. First, is to see how much truth you think there is to any of it and whether you've experienced it firsthand. Second, is because some of the reasons listed could just as easily apply to women. And third, because it raises the issue of the difference in communication styles between men and women. Take #4 for example. If a man listens to his partner complain constantly, especially if it's about the same things over and over or it's about something completely silly, eventually he's going to stop listening. And again, you could reverse the genders and it would probably still hold. After all, how many women will want to listen to men endlessly whine about something? I've experienced this with past partners. The person would come home, complain about her job, her friends, and what not and after a while, I'd get tired of hearing it. But instead of doing what a lot of men would do which is to tell their partner to quit whining or respond with sarcasm, I would simply remove myself from what I considered to be an increasingly toxic environment. But as the author points out, that can potentially make things worse. As he puts it, she feels marginalized and abandoned.

Which segways into #5, not wanting to encourage more whining. If you stay and listen, then aren't you basically sending the message that you're OK with it? If you leave, then you're potentially telling her that her problems don't matter to you. Seems like someone in this situation really has no great options.
You don't have to be a woman to be a feminist.

And as for the article, it's similar to the typical BS many psychologists publish every so often.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2011, 02:14 PM
 
14,924 posts, read 8,221,909 times
Reputation: 11769
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
It's how many men are wired, lol.

They are just natural fixers

So when you start talking about some situation in your life that is bothering/upsetting you they are actually doing the thing they think will show you how much they care - trying to fix it!

Wise men catch on pretty fast to the fact that women don't want any help fixing the problem, they just want some validation for their feelings of upset
Exactly! If I called my girlfriend with the something that's bothering me I'd get the following responses ..."no WAY!" "OMG, are you serious??" "that was so wrong...what an idiot"

From my husband I'd get "well why don't you..."

He's gotten a lot better, but I know there are times where he's ITCHING to just solve my problem.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top