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Old 02-01-2011, 10:16 AM
 
881 posts, read 617,313 times
Reputation: 313

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Thanks guys..... the on topic ones that is....

yes, unfortunatly, my gut is telling me this guy has been puttingt on the Mr. Perfect act, and now that he is caught, I feel like I have lost my respect and admiration for him...

Just that tiny bit of mistrust, seems to ruin all lust... now I just don't look at him the same....

Well, how can I right? Well, some good things out of this, I have quit drinking, getting back in shape.... learning not to settle...

I have already been trying to rip the bandaide, he is not exactly going for it, so I guess I will pluck the hairs one by one...

I won't miss the person he "really" is I guess, but I already, sure as hell miss the person I THOUGHT he was....

Why is such an obvious choice SOOO hard to make and follow through??

This hurts like hell already....
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:22 AM
 
881 posts, read 617,313 times
Reputation: 313
And to the ladies, I LOVE you, and value your opinions more than anything, but I know a lot of you are just as forgiving as I am, and we make excuses.... I wanted the guys to answer, because I want things from their perspective, so I don't fool myself on this one, like I have in past relationships, only to see these red flags and then be cheated on over and over etc.... never again...
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Old 02-02-2011, 12:53 AM
 
Location: Canackistan
748 posts, read 961,491 times
Reputation: 658
Being friends with your ex is fine - i'm still friends with all of mine for the past 14 years.

However this is a slap in the face to the new girl. Sounds like not over the last girl and isn't putting as much energy into the new one.

I say drop him like a rock.
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Old 02-02-2011, 12:59 AM
 
4,445 posts, read 4,265,805 times
Reputation: 2615
am I the only one reading "ex flings" as "former flings" as in...casual sex buddies? I don't read it as an ex boyfriend as friends..
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Old 02-03-2011, 06:00 PM
 
881 posts, read 617,313 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86 View Post
am I the only one reading "ex flings" as "former flings" as in...casual sex buddies? I don't read it as an ex boyfriend as friends..

Yup, ex sex buddies, his sisters best friend, so 10000 times worse... no wearing down of a realationship or chemistry like a true "ex"..... that is why I feel like I have lost all passion and trust... An ex might be a bit easier to handle...

Since this has happened, ALL of my passion for him is completely gone, and I feel empty towards him.... now that he has supposedly dropped her for good, I still feel like the trust was shattered enough that I am not sure if it will come back, and no trust = no passion, no lust, no fun, no security, no relationship really.....
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Old 02-03-2011, 06:05 PM
 
4,445 posts, read 4,265,805 times
Reputation: 2615
Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post
Yup, ex sex buddies, his sisters best friend, so 10000 times worse... no wearing down of a realationship or chemistry like a true "ex"..... that is why I feel like I have lost all passion and trust... An ex might be a bit easier to handle...

Since this has happened, ALL of my passion for him is completely gone, and I feel empty towards him.... now that he has supposedly dropped her for good, I still feel like the trust was shattered enough that I am not sure if it will come back, and no trust = no passion, no lust, no fun, no security, no relationship really.....
I don't get it...you knew what it was, didn't you?

I have a couple of "ex flings" and I don't/didn't feel a darn thing for them. One tried to pursue a relationship and I went no way! Passionless sex? no thanks.

I'm not trying to downgrade your feelings, but honestly, how do you trust a "fling"? Sounds like you got way more attached than you should've and therefore I don't think these types of relationship are safe for you.
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Old 02-03-2011, 06:10 PM
 
Location: India
28 posts, read 20,392 times
Reputation: 16
I think just leave him behind...!!!
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Old 02-16-2011, 04:02 AM
 
881 posts, read 617,313 times
Reputation: 313
I am not a "fling", the other girl was the ex fling... As for that, she is completley out of the picture and gone now, but I think the trust part is now too... Not sure if it is worth it to try and get it back, or just start fresh yet again.....
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Old 02-16-2011, 05:43 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,052 posts, read 22,488,565 times
Reputation: 10257
Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post
the saddest part of this cruel joke she is making out of him, is she dosent really love him..... Anyone I love, exes or friends with girlfriends etc... I respect every boundary, never rock the boat in their relationships, if there is any contact it is with the girlfriend involved etc.... She left him for drugs and partying, I met him and quit drinking for him....

When will I meet my one true love who will appreciate and value me???
How much did you use to drink? Would you say that you had a drinking problem? And has your overall quality of life improved now that you've stopped drinking?

I applaud your new alcohol free lifestyle, but in order to be successful at it, you have to stop drinking for yourself, not someone else. You should consider going to some AA meetings. And you will also find at these AA meetings that when someone first quits drinking, they tell that person to not enter any new romances for that first year of abstinence.

So... keep on not drinking, go to AA meetings and don't search for love for a year. Work on mending yourself first. Be a whole and strong person before entering your next relationship.
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Old 02-16-2011, 06:49 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 2,746,407 times
Reputation: 3880
Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post
I really want a guys true opinion, like think of your little sister asking you....

If someone was with a new girlfriend, and their ex fling is texting them every day, they still both call each other baby, and say love you and miss you and xo's etc..... But it is not hidden and he says he loves her the same as his two guy roommates etc, because she has been his sisters friend for years, what would you tell her to do????
I would quickly figure out that this was the WRONG kind of guy for me. There are some guys with really loose boundaries. You know the type. They've got all their exes calling them baby and sugar pie on Facebook, all the sexy jokes, they're texting right and left. Their phone buzzes off the hook. Always a flirty girl on the end.

If that works for them, great, but it wouldn't work for me and I don't blame it for not working for you. It's not so much that I mind someone being friends with an ex... some exes can make great platonic friends as long as that's really all they are and they respect the boundaries of the romantic relationship rather than infringing on it... the problem here is more lack of boundaries and being an unapologetic flirt. People who do that often have some sense of lacking that they're trying to fill by all the opposite sex attention from random acquaintances. Trouble is, if they can't get that from their partner, but need it from every pretty girl who walks by under the guise of "friends", I'm not interested.
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