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No, I just understand not everyone I meet is going to be like me. I understand that.
It has nothing to do with Right or wrong. I think that's where people "miss it". I don't look for anything. I take people as they are, if we don't mesh, that's fine with me. You don't know what a person is like until you've actually meet them. You cannot determine if someone is fun or not until you've met them.
MY dating life is fantastic, the only person that see's it different is you, go figure. For some, dating sucks and I understand why. For me, it does not. Dating and attracting women is very easy for me, it always has been. So what you see as "wrong", I see as just going through the natural process of dating.
Sigh.... Sometimes I wonder if I'm just an uptight prick whose time has passed. It is not ok to use people. Ever. You are, what you are doing is pretty much craptacular. Just because you want to do something does not mean you can or should. I hear you but no, I do not understand why you think this is ok.
Sigh.... Sometimes I wonder if I'm just an uptight prick whose time has passed. It is not ok to use people. Ever. You are, what you are doing is pretty much craptacular. Just because you want to do something does not mean you can or should. I hear you but no, I do not understand why you think this is ok.
Sigh.... Sometimes I wonder if I'm just an uptight prick whose time has passed. It is not ok to use people. Ever. You are, what you are doing is pretty much craptacular. Just because you want to do something does not mean you can or should. I hear you but no, I do not understand why you think this is ok.
Well I have been called worse. The thing is you are right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TVandSportsGuy
Well I gotta learn that's the bottom line
No you don't. You need to learn to be honest and sincere and perhaps be willing to try new things.
Be patient, because love will find you when you least expect it! If you search for it, it may continue to elude your grasp. Okay, that is the advice everyone always provides me with. Of course, I am still waiting though...LOL
Haha. With that statement, the hope is that by not focusing on finding love and instead living your life (building your career, experiencing new things, traveling to places, etc.) you will find someone through that process or not (which in that case you might need to put more emphasis on the finding part). On the other hand, if you focus so much on finding love then you might forget about yourself, and sadly that would just make things worse for yourself by limiting yourself.
I agree, everyone is different. Some people are happy alone and others need certain relationships. By "need" I don't mean out of some detrimental character flaw but some people are just happier around other people and a romantic relationship is the spice of life to them. And others like a lot of personal freedom and no one to worry about. Having said that, virtually everyone needs some social contact no matter how independent, in the form of friendships and family, etc. so it could range from solitary and having minimal social contact to lots of friendships to wanting a romantic relationship.
As to the frustration of being single at least with young people, what I see today with us young folk is we have so many possibilities like career choices and so many distractions and things to do. It's very confusing and chaotic. It's taking even longer to find yourself and your place in the world (good thing life expectancy has increased haha). People are changing goals all the time, going back to school or switching careers or taking a break, finding themselves, etc. All this freedom is a great thing but I don't think we've fully adjusted to it yet. People seem to be really fickle and impatient these days maybe because of our on-demand culture. I think it is better to commit to one thing and follow through instead of constantly jumping on to the next thing and not really getting anywhere which I see so many people do. With all the possibilities, we have to be really careful about the decisions we make and knowing thyself is even more important than ever before. I was at the spa one evening and was talking to this old guy about life and he said to me, "I'd hate to be young right now". I'm like yup...haha
With all of that said it's making dating and finding "love" even harder with everyone at different places in life and different goals. With all the variety, it's like finding a needle in a haystack haha. Relationships, of all kinds, require more compromise now than ever before.
Probably one of the most important things I've read regarding relationships: If you're not happy by yourself you won't be happy in a relationship
Meaning if you're depressed/anxiety/mental disorders or have personal/childhood issues or aren't where you want to be in life, you might want to reevaulate yourself before getting into a relationship.
A relationship can never replace that happiness that you must give yourself first. Once you are fully satisfied with yourself, it's only then you can actually focus on the other person and truly love them, and hopefully the other person the same. To me, relationships aren't really much different than anything else in life, and that you have to work at them like anything else. Unfortunately movies popularize fatuous love which is not sustainable.
Finally, sad to say, but sometimes romantic relationships do not happen for everyone whether or not they desire it. Life sucks sometimes
Off the top of my head, some other random stuff about relationships/love:
* The same effort you put towards yourself you should put toward the relationship.
Last edited by DJIntegrity; 03-13-2011 at 07:38 PM..
When I read the title I had assumed you were going out with a sister, friend, even a daughter and they were coaching you, obviously while in the know. What you are doing is wrong in a I learned everything I really needed to know in kindergarten way. These are people you are manipulating, not tools that you use and drop when you are finished with them. The entire venture represents a lie that shows the person you are using no respect whatsoever.
Have you thought this thing through?
IMO what you should do is stop the pretend. As Chow said find someone that you actually like and have a real interest in and take them out on a real date. If there is a spark you could do just about everything wrong and she will still come back for more. Its all about that spark man, and you will never feel it or see it or touch it till you give up the games.
I agree with you, Crab. That is what so disturbing to me about this "practice" date. What about your date? Does she not have feelings too? What if she starts liking you? What are you going to tell her - sorry you were just a practice date?
Please get into reality or go to a therapist that can show you what reality is with counselling and meds. Really, if you would only think of others, you might be a nice person to date but really YOU ARE A CREEP because you could care less about anyone's feeling but your own. And really you will always be alone until you can figure out that it's not all about YOU.
Since my type is hard to find, I figure I can just practice so I can get better so when my type does come along I will be ready.,
Kind of like when you are unemployed and have no scheduled for a job you really want just jobs that will pay the bills. So you go on those interviews anywAy so you can improve job interviewing skills.
You understand what I'm trying to explain to you?
Yeah, azzhat, all of us know what you're saying. You don't have to explain your lame excuses for maybe hurting someone's feelings and making them feel worthless.
I am beyond frustrated at being single. I've basically been single for the last 2 years, as I went through a divorce. It was the most painful thing I've ever been through. I never want to go through something like that again, but I have to put myself out there and try to meet someone because I still want a family. But its hard to meet women to date and I hate being single. I'm a guy who has no issues with commitment whatsoever. I'm somewhat stable (have had some career issues) and am honest and loyal. Yet I can't find a woman to date. It must be a confidence issue stemming from my divorce. I don't know. Its either that or I don't have enough money.
Because my problem was I wasn't a FUN DATE which is why I needed practice. So I have become more fun on first dates. The only downside is when I see a girl I would want to be on a date with when I'm on the practice date. And I had to tell myself-"That is the girl i'm practicing for in the future"
Here's what people are trying to tell you. You are showing a complete lack of respect for this girl who is your "practice date."
And when you see a girl you would want to be on a date with (i.e. me) while with another girl, understand that I would never, never date you. Why -- because you are ogling me while with another girl. That is the extreme of uncool. Sure, there are girls that like that sort of attention and even encourage it (a couple of girls I knew in college went out just for the purpose of flirting with guys who were with their wives/girlfriends), but those are the "trashy" girls that some guys go for. Girls with any standards wouldn't date an ogler.
The one I would date is ....crabman. He seems like a good guy without even trying or putting on a dog and pony show.
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